A Happier You in 2025: Gentle Vows

Your gentle guide to change in the New Year & beyond

Photo by Chinh Le Duc

I’m not a big fan of endlessly striving to ‘improve ourselves’. At the start of this year I wrote a series on Anti-New Year Resolutions, where I argued instead for a deeper acceptance of ourselves in all our limited and flawed beauty.

Also, sometimes we do want to change things about ourselves. As Suzuki Roshi so eloquently put it:

Each of you is perfect the way you are, and, you can use a little improvement.

If it’s true that we can use a little improvement (and I know I certainly can) then how can we approach this without falling into cycles of unrealistic resolutions followed by inevitable disappointment, self-criticism and despair?

This January I am inviting you to experiment with a different approach to change: gentle vows.

Vows acknowledge the impossibility of us ever reaching perfection, whilst encouraging us to persist in pointing ourselves in a particular direction.

I will be inviting you to make two vows, and then applying four principles to them over January. I’ll give you a taste now so you can start thinking about what yours might be.

Two Vows

The first vow is something you want more of, or want to be more. The second is one you want less of, or want to be less.

You might want more health and less worry. You might want to invite in more creativity and have less debt. Maybe you fancy more connection and you’ll aim for less clutter in your home.

I’d encourage you to find a ‘more’ vow that makes you feel at least a little excited or joyful - something delicious. Abundance, sparkle, wisdom… what lights you up? I’d also encourage you to find a ‘less’ vow that will move you towards greater freedom.

My vows are going to be more play, and less ambition.

Play makes me think of things like messing around in our new garden, taking time out to wrestle with the dogs, trying new cake recipes, and more silliness. Yum.

Ambition, for me, conjures that kind of striving that distracts me from my true calling (writing authentically, teaching Buddhism, enjoying my life) with the siren lure of more money, more popularity and more fame. I do want to keep doing my best, and offering what I can to as many people as might benefit from it. I don’t want to be burdened by manipulating myself and my work in order to be ‘bigger’ or ‘more successful’. When I imagine being more free of ambition, it brings a great relief.

What might your vows be? Do tell me in the comments and no need to make a final decision just yet.

Photo by Ethan Hoover

Four Invitations

These are four different approaches to nudging ourselves gently towards change. I will share one each week so you can explore your two vows through each of their lenses. I’ll introduce them briefly here to give you a heads up:

⭐ Getting Curious. There will be good reasons why we’re not already different. Getting to know these reasons, and appreciating our systems for how hard they’re already working for us, will not only help us to feel better but will often, in itself, be a catalyst to change. Together we’ll get curious about who we are now, and what barriers there are to us changing.

⭐ Making Teensy Adjustments. This week will involve making some actual changes to our habits, but in a way that is less likely to trigger us into backlashes. You’ll also meet my chocolate-eating part and my healthy eating freak part as we look at polarisations and how they can sabotage us.

⭐ Changing Our Conditions. Like flowers, we are more likely to flourish if we plant ourselves in good conditions. Instead of good soil and regular watering, good conditions for us might include a short daily meditation practice, a regular brunch out with friends, swimming, therapy… This week we’ll explore what conditions are best for you, and how you can nudge yourself towards them.

⭐ Opening To Help. It’s hard for me to accept help and, when I do, it’s usually a gift for me and for the person giving me something. This week we’ll be looking at making offerings, getting better at receiving and what to do when you need an actual bonafide miracle.

How is it to read this list? Do you notice any teensy new shafts of light/hope?

Will you join me? My first piece with more information on making gentle vows will go out to everyone next week. The last four written pieces and four short accompanying videos will be available to my paid subscribers - those lovely folk who make it possible for me to write at all. If you can’t afford a subscription at the moment just let me know and I’ll sort you out: satya@satyarobyn.com.

I’m looking forward to seeing how my own gentle vows change me over January and beyond. Even more, I’m looking forward to reading your vows and hearing about your experiences.

Here’s to gentle, lasting, realistic, self-compassionate, radical change. It is possible!

Go gently,
Satya <3

(here’s the next piece which explains more about choosing your vows)