I don’t want to write to you. I am an empty shelf at a supermarket, I am leached and parched soil, I am a squeezed out toothpaste tube.
Or am I?
What are our options when we are out of gas? How might we find our way back to the rich abundance that flows through everything, including us? How can we go gently when our reserves our low?
Here’s the thing. On Thursdays, my lovely paid subscribers are tucking into a delicious course on rest which I prepared earlier. My pre-written free-to-all pieces had run out, and this morning I found myself facing a blank screen with resistance in my belly.
As I try to do whenever I reach an impasse, I got curious. Was I really empty? What was my belly telling me? Here are my discoveries, which I hope you will apply to the parts of your own life where you’re running low on steam.
Do I need a rest?
Sometimes, as organic blobs fizzing with electricity and chemicals, we simply need to rest. I’ve been doing extra emotional work over the past weeks and I often underestimate the toll this takes on my system. I probably need to schedule in some more recovery space into my diary, cut back on non-essential tasks and feed myself a good mixed diet of walking, naps, Netflix, reading, journaling, good chocolate, chats and dog smooshes. What’s your recovery diet?
What’s getting in the way?
I’ve noticed that my ‘comparing part’ has been extra active when I’ve been reading other folk’s Substacks. I’m not as clever, eloquent, funny, prolific, famous or cool as those other guys. (You know the ones.) What could little-old-me possibly have to contribute? I have also been feeling the weight of the responsibility of regular writing, which isn’t actually necessary (see ‘can I just not do it?’ below). Reminding myself that being here is a choice immediately lightens the load. What might be getting in your way?
Can I reframe what I’m doing?
This morning I pulled the ‘King of Pentacles’ card which represents prosperity flowing easily towards me. My instruction booklet spoke about both enjoying what I’ve already worked for and already have, and being generous with others. This reminded me that I am already blessed with lovely readers (you) and the joy of writing. Everything else is gravy. My ‘empty supermarket shelf’ has just been restocked, as if by magic. What’s your reframe?
Can I be more myself?
How would it be to write what I want to write, rather than what I feel I should? I am doing that right now. I am offering permission to the parts of me that still need rest, learning fresh things about myself, and (as the words trickle one by one onto the screen) beginning to reconnect with the sizzling wonder of writing. I am remembering that I do not have to be good. I can just be Satya. Could you do the thing you need to do as YOU?
Can I do it anyway but do it more gently?
Sometimes we have made a commitment and either there’s no way out, or it feels like the ethically right thing to follow it through. At times like these, how might we approach our task with more softness? Could we lower our standards slightly? Build in recovery time afterwards? Ask for an extension? Ask for help? Before I started writing I decided that I’d just ‘see what came out’ rather than expecting the most brilliant writing anyone has ever read. It helped. What might ‘more gently’ look like for you?
Can I just not do it?
I know that I have options. I can skip writing for a week or two, reminding myself that nobody is going to have their day ruined when they don’t receive a message from me. I can pause my paid subscriptions and take a longer break. That would be okay. These days I am trying to practise doing what I want rather than what I feel I ought to do. I’m realising that parties aren’t ruined when I don’t attend, that friends forgive me for changing my mind, and that people get over it when I stop giving them what they want. Do you really have to do the thing?
Can I feel grateful for the chance to do the thing?
Sometimes this one might feel a long way off, but what if you did? What if you remembered how lucky you are to be alive to clean the kitchen, or fill in your tax return, or have the difficult conversation at work? What unexpected delight might emerge from making an offering? What might the silver linings be? I am glad to have felt the resistance to writing this piece, because it’s reminded me of so many of my blessings. Could you take a moment to count your own blessings?
As I come to the end of my explorations, I am feeling very different. What you’re reading is the by-product of my curiosity, like a sloughed-off snake skin, and I hope you find a little beauty or usefulness in it. Either way, I can see now that I’m not a squeezed-out toothpaste tube after all. I’m actually a complex eco-system - blooming, wilting, resting, and blooming some more. 🌼
Go gently,
Satya <3
Tell me - in what areas of your life are you running low? Has any new insight stirred as you’ve read this piece? What might you need today/this week? Do you feel a little less alone? (I hope so.) Do you have any questions for me? Click the button! And if you’d like some of my abundance (I’ve got plenty to spare now) let me know and I’ll send some through 😊
I have tears Satya. Thank you for "speaking" this so clearly and compassionately. It resonates with my heart. And yes, I don't feel so alone now.
Thanks for this piece, Satya. I will do the same as Robyn above suggested and bookmark this post for a time when I need to revisit it. I especially resonate with the way that you describe the mindset shift from 'having' to write on here to 'getting' to do it. And I loved how you were just working things out on the page rather than crafting the 'perfect' (whatever that is) letter on 'stuckness'. Thanks for letting us see that process.