On Being Arrested For The First Time

Why I sobbed & why I was also glad (Happy Earth Day)

Photo of my arrest by Tom Dorrington

Over the past few months I have been receiving complaints. These complaints have become more frequent and more intense, and I fear that they may escalate in some unpredictable and unfortunate way if I don’t give them some attention. 

The complaints are from inside me. They are from the parts of me that are frightened, furious and grieving about the climate crisis. They are headed by a part that is screaming, ‘DO SOMETHING!’. They are particularly upset that I haven’t mentioned any of this in my Go Gently messages to you so far. ‘It is as if nothing is happening! Speak!’, they say. And so I am speaking. 

In October 2019 I was arrested for the first time in my goody-two-shoes life. I was sitting quietly (and illegally) on a road in London with thousands of other members of Extinction Rebellion. I was cross-legged, meditating, and dressed in my Buddhist robes. As the police carried me away to the van, I sobbed. 

The sobbing was a relief - that finally I was doing something with my body that accurately articulated the peril the human race is in. It felt congruent. Over the coming years I took part in other non-violent acts of civil disobedience and I was arrested many more times. I also went on marches, took part in interfaith events, learnt more about climate justice, and completed a whole year of daily hour-long vigils in my home town of Malvern. Did all this activism change anything? I think it did, but I can’t be sure. Either way, it felt good to be doing something.  

This year I decided to take a break from the intensity of organising actions and civil disobedience to focus my efforts on our Buddhist sangha. We are starting a ministry training programme, and we are growing the community here in new ways. I thought that it would feel like ‘enough’ to talk about the climate and ecological emergency in our Dharma talks, and to join our local Extinction Rebellion vigils when we have retreat days. It is not quite enough. Let me try and be more accurate... What I can do as a small fallible being will never be enough to meet the gravity of the multiple crises we are facing. And, somehow I need to do more.  

How can I continue to stay true to my activist parts whilst living an already-slightly-too-full life? I already have responsibilities to my ageing parents, my therapy clients, my Buddhist community and my readers (you). I would also like to enjoy all of my life which means putting regular time aside for rest, reflection, and fun. How is it possible to squeeze anything else in? 

Marching happily with the Extinction Rebellion Buddhists

All at once, I remember that the name of this place is Going Gently. I can go gently with my activism.

I have already started, by writing this message to you all - despite my fears that it may lead to a flurry of unsubscribes (and if it does, that’s okay). I will start work today on a Gentle Adventure in Compassionate Action, which will run in the Summer. I will put some time aside to ponder what actions might be right for me over the coming year. I will continue to speak about our dear Earth here and point you towards my free e-courses and my book at my site here.

What might you do? Most of my activist friends are in London this weekend for The Big One. Here they are. I’d have been there myself if my dad hadn’t died on Tuesday - instead I was registering his death with my mum after taking her out to lunch. Are you free today, tomorrow or Monday? Can you pop along on my behalf? Or maybe you’ll subscribe to Britt Wray’s excellent Substack, Gen Dread, on tools for coping with the climate crisis, or get Greta’s latest book, or update yourself by reading this.

Maybe you’ll just feel slightly less alone after reading my words. I hope you do.

I’d love to hear how it is for you to read this message, or what your thoughts or feelings are about the climate and ecological emergency, or how you feel about eco-activism and action. Do share - whatever you are feeling, others are feeling it too. It will help others to read about your fear, guilt, denial, frustration, confusion, sadness or overwhelm. It will help them to know that they are not alone.  

Thank you so much for listening. My activist parts, the ones that put the complaints in, are delighted.

These parts also want me to tell you that from where they’re looking, things are terrible, and they are likely to get worse. They don’t want me to end this message in a neat way, all packaged up with false hope. They do have faith in people power, though. They do know that creating good strong communities and good strong relationships with ourselves will help us to travel through whatever happens next. They know that dear Earth will be okay in the long run, whatever awfulness we inflict on her.

They also want you to look outside, go on a walk, and enjoy what’s here while it’s still here. Pink magnolia flowers, fresh grass tips, the valley kissed with blue mist. Isn’t it beautiful?  

Happy Earth Day. I love you, dear Earth.

Go VERY gently,
Satya <3

Sitting in the snow as part of my year-long vigil (kept company by the Buddha)