This is the third in our series about the qualities of Self - previous pieces are here.
A story.
Probably the scariest thing I have ever done is sit down in the middle of a road in my local city.
It was part of a nationwide action a few years ago where people were invited to write the thing that scared them the most about the climate crisis onto a placard and go into a busy street on their own to stop the traffic. I had a couple of folk supporting me, but the idea was that they would stay incognito unless really needed.
In the weeks leading up to the action I rehearsed the moment of stepping out into the road over and over. Every time I thought about it, my heart sped up. I have always been such a Good Girl. What the hell was I doing, causing intentional disruption?
The ethics of nonviolent direct action are too complicated to get into here, and you may or may not believe in it as a form of influence (either way and if you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend watching the film Gandhi).
My point in this story is that I was very very very scared, and despite this fear I did step out and take my position in the road, and I was okay - even when a car nearly ran into me, even when a lorry driver threatened me, even when passersby shouted and swore at me, even when the unpleasant policewoman dragged me off the road with unnecessary force and unkindness.
I didn’t just feel okay. I felt like there was nowhere else I would rather be.
Some theory.
Self is never swamped by fear, or by any other feeling. Self definitely feels things - it needs to in order to properly empathise with parts, and to really ‘get it’. But Self is vast, and it can handle any intensity or volume of emotion without becoming overwhelmed.
If we are afraid, it is usually parts of us that are carrying that fear. They are usually trying to protect us from something, and rightly so. It’s right that we feel afraid of stepping off the edge of a bridge, or when we recognise behaviour in someone that reminds us of past abuse.
Sometimes this fear can seem ‘out of proportion’ because our parts are still remembering how young and vulnerable we were when we were first wounded in a similar way, and the prevention of a recurrence feels like a life-or-death situation.
The parts of me that were really activated by this action weren’t to do with my physical safety - others were more worried for me than I was. They weren’t to do with being arrested - I’d been arrested before and the first time was terrifying but then it quickly became routine. The parts that were terrified were the parts of me that hate to displease others.
This was a life-and-death situation for me. If I upset my caregivers when I was very small, they would emotionally close off. This is the equivalent to being abandoned, and when we are very young, abandonment means death. The need to keep the other happy literally became a survival issue for me.
What gave me the courage to step out into the road, knowing that it would infuriate others? It was Self-energy. I WAS terrified about the unfolding of the climate emergency (and I still am). I did believe that direct action would help in some small way. This conviction invited Self-energy in, and at the time of the action I felt not just courage but a deep calm, an unshakeable confidence, and a flood of compassion for everyone around me1 - especially for our dear Earth.
Calling to courage
How can we access courage when we really need it? When our parts are terrified, and taking up all the space, what can we actually do? Here are a few ideas. I’d also be really interested to hear from you - what helps you?
⭐ Borrowing Self-energy from others. I had a very calm friend who accompanied me to the action. Another dear friend was more nervous than I was and I avoided her before the action! When we surround ourselves with people who are able to find their own steadiness, it’s much easier to find our own.
⭐ Remembering what’s important. For me, my distress about a lack of action about climate change was a strong motivation for the action - remembering this helped me to access Self-energy. What good reasons do you have to do the things that you find scary?
⭐ Reassuring your parts. When parts are activated and taking up space, it always helps them to be listened to and understood and reassured. Before the action I ran through various possible scenarios and thought about what the ‘worst thing’ would be - I then offered empathy to those parts and asked them what would help them. Whenever parts relax, there is more space for Self-energy to enter.
⭐ Asking for help. I asked the Buddha to accompany me. Sitting silently in the road in a cross-legged position helped me to access the Self-energy I usually feel when I’m practising. You can ask the earth herself to help you, or your own Divine Source, or the love of an ancestor…
A note on kindness.
A note. It’s important that we notice the difference between parts that SHOVE us to do scary things, and the action of Self-energy, which doesn’t need to push us because it isn’t afraid.
Sometimes it is necessary that we push ourselves - when there’s an emergency, or when there’s no way out of doing something scary. Over time, however, there’s a consequence to this shoving. We become exhausted. Our parts trust us less and less. It’s also possible that things become even more scary than they were before.
With courage, maybe more than any of the other qualities of Self, I think it’s important that we go gently - recognising the actions of shoving parts that are trying to help us, and seeing if we can help them to relax a teensy bit. Would it really be the end of the world if we didn’t do the scary thing? Could we ask someone else to do it? It’s okay to say no!
An appreciation.
Just before we finish today I’d like to acknowledge how vulnerable we are as human beings, and how many wounds we all carry with us from our history and from the history of our ancestors. I often think it’s a wonder that we manage to get out of bed in the morning at all!
I’d love for you to take a moment to appreciate the courage it takes for you to go about your days. How often you would rather not have that tricky conversation, or do that unpleasant thing at work? When you’re not feeling great, how much courage does it take to follow through on your commitments or even leave the house?
I think you’re amazing. I hope you can see that too.
Go gently,
Satya <3
Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.
~ Rachel Carson
Next week we’ll be looking at connectedness and then we’ll take a break before the last four qualities of Self. See you then!
Okay - I didn’t quite feel compassion for the police officer! Others have been lovely but she was really tricky!
I adore you. I love learning from you. Because of your honesty and vulnerability along with your expertise I come away from your messages…every single time… 🩷 feeling more seen and heard, understood and believed, comforted and connected. And! With new information and insights I can explore that help me to discover and uncover different parts of myself; all tied with the coming back to the Touchstone of my true and authentic Self. I am forever grateful of your much needed message of grace, “Go gently.” How fun and magical is that?!? Thank you. So very much. 🩷
I've been having a morning of immersion in Going Gently Satya, reading your various pieces, reflecting on Self, reiki, Buddhism, me!
Always, always, always your writing speaks to me, to my inner turmoil. I take heart from the gentle, calm space that reading your writing creates for me...I calm, I slow, I listen and I learn something precious about being me in this beautiful world. Thank you x