Oh wow Satya, this is me to a tee, my manager is very determined and keen and I love that about myself, however I am , as beautifully described, creaking and frustrated that I can't seem to do the slow art and sewing I long to do, until the jobs are done. I know my manager parts needed to be strong for my early life to be safe, but I am now safe. So, thank you, this is timely for me and I will see if I can discover what the other parts need to be able to come out to play and how to gently help my manager parts to stand down. X
Thank you, thank you 🙏🏻 for this wonderful piece. My manager parts are amazing! With ‘now’ being my word of the year we are trying to celebrate achievements before trogging on to the next one. ‘Black Oaks’ by Mary Oliver is one of my favourite poems btw her writing is beautiful x
Another lovely article restating something precious which can never be said enough, go gently. Thanks Satya for your lovely reminders and I don't think you need ever concern yourself with who's out there reading and reflecting on your words. We're here. I'm here just not always feeling up to doing much more than press on the heart link.
Oof wow this one hits home... I'm quite the opposite, the distractors reign supreme in my head, and it was really nice to hear your advice for us at the end.
As I get older I'm realizing the benefits of my way of being, especially as I see more and more of my manager-dominated friends start to crack. It seems even tho I feel like I haven't done much in my life, I nevertheless have a much more grounded sense of self than those who, on paper, seem much more accomplished. Of course, fifteen years of consistent journaling have helped, I'm sure!
So glad this resonated with you Peter - I wasn't sure if any distractor-dominated folk read my writing!! But in my experience strong distractors mean we also need to go more gently on ourselves... Yes, interesting that you're seeing your friends crack. I think it works well for a while - sometimes a long while! - and then as you say some accumulation tips over into breakdown or burn out or physical illness... I guess the same happens in addiction - sometimes folk can 'get away with it' (mostly) for a very long time... The focus on what we've DONE is so prominent, isn't it? Glad to have you here & hurray for your journaling habit!
This is so good. The energy from me that is absolutely most disruptive to my home and repellent of my people is my hyper productivity energy. I flirted with it yesterday and I could watch everybody's eyes fill with that "uh-oh, we're going to get steamrolled" reaction. Your words help me put more words to it and for that I am grateful!
Hee, thank you for this Satya. I always want to put my hands to my mouth and shout when I see endless productivity talk, "LOOK OUT, IT'S A TRAP!" 😂 I like asking interesting questions of it all, like, if work and busyness and success and usefulness and productivity and doing more is the addiction, and we think of addiction as like being hooked, like being in a fish on a line, then what are being yoked TO? What are we being drawn closer to? What are we pulled away from? What happens to our mind and bodies if we stay hooked? And what might the opposite of that be? What might freedom look like and feel like instead? Your description of me made me laugh a lot, thank you. I am dedicated Zen student, a member of a beautiful Zen Sangha - Zen is my whole life and being - but I am very much a beginner, always, always, always, and long may it be so ❤️
Oh I LOVE that you are actually a Zen student/master after all! I'm 99% sure I didn't know that... Either you were very Zen before the group, or it's really working 😂
I love your questions. Leads me to other Qs like, who's agenda is playing out here? What systemic forces are at play? What are the narratives in our family/area/religion etc around productivity and worthiness? And as you say, what pulls is back in? I find it SO powerful.
I know I've said this a few times but hopefully you'll forgive me if I say it again - so grateful for your writing/you. 🪷
Oh I needed these words! Thank you, Satya! I always appreciate your gentle delivery.
I giggled when I read “workaholicky warts”. Oh mine are surely popping up lately - particularly this week. I have just enough self awareness to know it is some kind of protector part stepping in to keep me safe (managing it all). Lately I feel like my manager part is keeping me so damn busy in an effort to hoist up my avoidant parts - to convince those bits that the other “stuff” can wait. A weird game of rationalization. Does the manager step in to “help” the distractor? Because I am working really hard to avoid some hard conversations with someone.
Glad you found it helpful! Yes all sorts of relationships between our parts exist - alliances, antagonisms, some parts keeping other parts in check (or trying to) - just like families. Sounds tough - it may help to listen to the one that's resistant to the conversation - what's the worst case scenario? And how can you support those parts to feel safer around that? Good luck!
Another lovely piece of gentle wisdom, Satya. “We are glorious wobbly messes of vulnerability propped up on all sides by self-protection.” So true. I can recognise that the manager has run most of my life (and tried to run other’s too at times) and in the last couple of years the distractor has gained the upper hand. It was only when I stopped telling myself to get everything done first that I made time for my photography. And when work became excessively managerial, creativity was my distractor and escape. It still is, a way of navigating life and times, and rebalancing. Writing has unexpectedly become a part of that, and a joy. I’m not yet living for today, so there is still work to do - old habits die hard.
I think there's always work to do : ) progress not perfection, as they say in the 12 steps.... interesting to see creativity as a distractor - I wonder if it has distractor elements, but when it's 'healthy' creativity is one of the qualities of Self... good to have you here.
Oh! I had to skim the first chunk - nothing like a busy person's busy life to start me on a downward spiral for the day! But then I read it properly and of course recognised myself in the 'other'...
My 'takeaway', as I take a slow-dive into therapy, and realise I am dealing with a long lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD, ...
"Dig down into your foundations with a spoon" THAT is getting transcribed into my beautiful book 💕
Haha yes I hear you Janey! Yes I'm interested in how ADHD works with parts - I'm guessing it's a whole team of parts that are partly just genetic and then partly have evolved to have a particular role in the system - but you'll find out in therapy! With your little spoon : )
This is a wonderful piece, Satya! At the risk of sounding like I’m pathologising it, whereas my intention is to provide a neurodivergence affirming lens, it seems very much to me like the “distractor” is my ADHD while the “manager” is my autism. It’s incredible how common they are together in their co-occurring presentation. They are masters at both conflicting with each other, each cancelling the other out. You would think they would create balance and harmony whereas it’s common to feel like you’re absolutely losing your mind, especially in midlife and with perimenopause in the mix. I can look back at my life thus far and see how the manager/autism has dominated at times, and other periods where chaos has reigned (distractor/ADHD). I see value in both, I just wish I could harness each one as and when I felt I needed it!
Thanks Sam - ah, was just thinking about that in my reply to Janey's comment. Yes - I guess that it depends on how extreme those parts of you (or teams of parts of you) are - I like to see polarisations as parts on either end of a rope. This can either be a gentle 'pull this way, pull that way' or a massive tug of war!! Sounds like you're moving towards (or intending to move towards) helping both teams of parts to pull less hard.
Ha! I love this piece. This is me, I am a get stuff done sort of person. To the point of damaging my health. I decided to take a 6 months break where I would slow down, not stop but take it at a slower pace, and I am nine months in now and not willing to ever go back to my old ways. Sometimes I panic that I should be doing more and I have to talk myself down. It’s hard to break old habits.
Morning Helen! I have just been reading your very lovely Substack. How wonderful to be 9 months in and maybe you'll never go back?? I find it hard still because parts of me just LOVE getting stuff done, and they are SO good at it, and there are so many interesting things to do. But, as you say, damage can be caused... So good to meet you & sending love to the parts that panic & to the ones that talk them down 🪷
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Oh wow Satya, this is me to a tee, my manager is very determined and keen and I love that about myself, however I am , as beautifully described, creaking and frustrated that I can't seem to do the slow art and sewing I long to do, until the jobs are done. I know my manager parts needed to be strong for my early life to be safe, but I am now safe. So, thank you, this is timely for me and I will see if I can discover what the other parts need to be able to come out to play and how to gently help my manager parts to stand down. X
Thanks for sharing this Sarah - makes perfect sense to me - here's to helping your managers relax back a teensy bit, and to more balance. x
Thank you, thank you 🙏🏻 for this wonderful piece. My manager parts are amazing! With ‘now’ being my word of the year we are trying to celebrate achievements before trogging on to the next one. ‘Black Oaks’ by Mary Oliver is one of my favourite poems btw her writing is beautiful x
My managers are hi-fiving yours : ) and trog - what a wonderful word!
This resonates so strongly with me, Satya. Thank you for your teaching. I will check out the book you recommended as well.
Glad it resonated Kathy. There are many of us around! Thanks for being here 🙏🏻
Another lovely article restating something precious which can never be said enough, go gently. Thanks Satya for your lovely reminders and I don't think you need ever concern yourself with who's out there reading and reflecting on your words. We're here. I'm here just not always feeling up to doing much more than press on the heart link.
Thank you Edith - I love knowing that you are there - whether or not you press the button 🤍 (although that is always appreciated of course!)
Oof wow this one hits home... I'm quite the opposite, the distractors reign supreme in my head, and it was really nice to hear your advice for us at the end.
As I get older I'm realizing the benefits of my way of being, especially as I see more and more of my manager-dominated friends start to crack. It seems even tho I feel like I haven't done much in my life, I nevertheless have a much more grounded sense of self than those who, on paper, seem much more accomplished. Of course, fifteen years of consistent journaling have helped, I'm sure!
So glad this resonated with you Peter - I wasn't sure if any distractor-dominated folk read my writing!! But in my experience strong distractors mean we also need to go more gently on ourselves... Yes, interesting that you're seeing your friends crack. I think it works well for a while - sometimes a long while! - and then as you say some accumulation tips over into breakdown or burn out or physical illness... I guess the same happens in addiction - sometimes folk can 'get away with it' (mostly) for a very long time... The focus on what we've DONE is so prominent, isn't it? Glad to have you here & hurray for your journaling habit!
This is so good. The energy from me that is absolutely most disruptive to my home and repellent of my people is my hyper productivity energy. I flirted with it yesterday and I could watch everybody's eyes fill with that "uh-oh, we're going to get steamrolled" reaction. Your words help me put more words to it and for that I am grateful!
Ah thanks Kelly! So great when we can recognise a part taking over... if it can relax a little your family might be happy to play with it!
Wait, playing isn't safe! Someone has to take care of everyone without being asked to do so and then resent them for it! 😂
😊 I get it!
This entire piece is profound. I'm saving it so I can return to it. Thank you! 🙏🏻
Ah, glad you found it helpful Erik. Good to have connected!
Hee, thank you for this Satya. I always want to put my hands to my mouth and shout when I see endless productivity talk, "LOOK OUT, IT'S A TRAP!" 😂 I like asking interesting questions of it all, like, if work and busyness and success and usefulness and productivity and doing more is the addiction, and we think of addiction as like being hooked, like being in a fish on a line, then what are being yoked TO? What are we being drawn closer to? What are we pulled away from? What happens to our mind and bodies if we stay hooked? And what might the opposite of that be? What might freedom look like and feel like instead? Your description of me made me laugh a lot, thank you. I am dedicated Zen student, a member of a beautiful Zen Sangha - Zen is my whole life and being - but I am very much a beginner, always, always, always, and long may it be so ❤️
Oh I LOVE that you are actually a Zen student/master after all! I'm 99% sure I didn't know that... Either you were very Zen before the group, or it's really working 😂
I love your questions. Leads me to other Qs like, who's agenda is playing out here? What systemic forces are at play? What are the narratives in our family/area/religion etc around productivity and worthiness? And as you say, what pulls is back in? I find it SO powerful.
I know I've said this a few times but hopefully you'll forgive me if I say it again - so grateful for your writing/you. 🪷
'Enjoy life along the way'?!?!?! Who could you be talking to?!?! 😂
🤔 (😂)
😉
Oh I needed these words! Thank you, Satya! I always appreciate your gentle delivery.
I giggled when I read “workaholicky warts”. Oh mine are surely popping up lately - particularly this week. I have just enough self awareness to know it is some kind of protector part stepping in to keep me safe (managing it all). Lately I feel like my manager part is keeping me so damn busy in an effort to hoist up my avoidant parts - to convince those bits that the other “stuff” can wait. A weird game of rationalization. Does the manager step in to “help” the distractor? Because I am working really hard to avoid some hard conversations with someone.
{*sigh*}
Glad you found it helpful! Yes all sorts of relationships between our parts exist - alliances, antagonisms, some parts keeping other parts in check (or trying to) - just like families. Sounds tough - it may help to listen to the one that's resistant to the conversation - what's the worst case scenario? And how can you support those parts to feel safer around that? Good luck!
Another lovely piece of gentle wisdom, Satya. “We are glorious wobbly messes of vulnerability propped up on all sides by self-protection.” So true. I can recognise that the manager has run most of my life (and tried to run other’s too at times) and in the last couple of years the distractor has gained the upper hand. It was only when I stopped telling myself to get everything done first that I made time for my photography. And when work became excessively managerial, creativity was my distractor and escape. It still is, a way of navigating life and times, and rebalancing. Writing has unexpectedly become a part of that, and a joy. I’m not yet living for today, so there is still work to do - old habits die hard.
I think there's always work to do : ) progress not perfection, as they say in the 12 steps.... interesting to see creativity as a distractor - I wonder if it has distractor elements, but when it's 'healthy' creativity is one of the qualities of Self... good to have you here.
Oh! I had to skim the first chunk - nothing like a busy person's busy life to start me on a downward spiral for the day! But then I read it properly and of course recognised myself in the 'other'...
My 'takeaway', as I take a slow-dive into therapy, and realise I am dealing with a long lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD, ...
"Dig down into your foundations with a spoon" THAT is getting transcribed into my beautiful book 💕
Haha yes I hear you Janey! Yes I'm interested in how ADHD works with parts - I'm guessing it's a whole team of parts that are partly just genetic and then partly have evolved to have a particular role in the system - but you'll find out in therapy! With your little spoon : )
This is a wonderful piece, Satya! At the risk of sounding like I’m pathologising it, whereas my intention is to provide a neurodivergence affirming lens, it seems very much to me like the “distractor” is my ADHD while the “manager” is my autism. It’s incredible how common they are together in their co-occurring presentation. They are masters at both conflicting with each other, each cancelling the other out. You would think they would create balance and harmony whereas it’s common to feel like you’re absolutely losing your mind, especially in midlife and with perimenopause in the mix. I can look back at my life thus far and see how the manager/autism has dominated at times, and other periods where chaos has reigned (distractor/ADHD). I see value in both, I just wish I could harness each one as and when I felt I needed it!
Thanks Sam - ah, was just thinking about that in my reply to Janey's comment. Yes - I guess that it depends on how extreme those parts of you (or teams of parts of you) are - I like to see polarisations as parts on either end of a rope. This can either be a gentle 'pull this way, pull that way' or a massive tug of war!! Sounds like you're moving towards (or intending to move towards) helping both teams of parts to pull less hard.
Ha! I love this piece. This is me, I am a get stuff done sort of person. To the point of damaging my health. I decided to take a 6 months break where I would slow down, not stop but take it at a slower pace, and I am nine months in now and not willing to ever go back to my old ways. Sometimes I panic that I should be doing more and I have to talk myself down. It’s hard to break old habits.
Morning Helen! I have just been reading your very lovely Substack. How wonderful to be 9 months in and maybe you'll never go back?? I find it hard still because parts of me just LOVE getting stuff done, and they are SO good at it, and there are so many interesting things to do. But, as you say, damage can be caused... So good to meet you & sending love to the parts that panic & to the ones that talk them down 🪷