Wonderful Satya. The one which struck with me most, 'If you are alive, you are not alone'. The year before Covid in the UK, I experienced the toughest 13 months of my life, since my early 20s [I'm now mid-40s]. I was arrested [twice] and investigated by police for a serious crime I didn't commit. I could finally prove I was 5 miles away at the time of the offence. But for those 399 days, my wife and I looked down the horrifying barrel of me spending the next 2 years in prison. But - even though I confided in so few people - it was the few who supported me who proved priceless. I was not alone Satya
Wowsers sounds like a really rough year - so glad that things are sorted now. It's the kind of thing we never expect to happen to us - just 'other people'. And very glad to hear that you were not alone. Wishing you a gentle recovery Glenn.
Thank you Satya. Exactly right. You never think something like that will happen to you. I certainly learnt a lot that year. I won't forget what happened, but I think all told I'm lucky. I'm good!
I am a decade shy of retirement and worry that we do not have “enough” savings. I try to manage our money well and save what I can, but I still worry that the number is not as big as it “ought” to be. I try to practice Not Knowing. I cannot predict what the next ten years will bring. I may not even live that long. All I can affect is the present moment. I do what I can now, and allow the future to take care of itself. My take away from your list is that I am not alone with these concerns. Surveys find a large proportion of the US population concerned about insufficient retirement savings. We can lean on each other and figure it out together.
It's a big one for me too Stuart - trying to work out how to live well in the present whilst also planning for the future - alongside the possibility that, as you say, we don't know how long we've got. I try to find a middle way but it doesn't always work!! Glad to hear that you feel less alone. We can!! Good to meet you 🙏🏻
I honestly never thought about worry as our coping mechanism for dealing with the truth of impermanence -- but you're right! Thank you for that. Also ... my main worry, as I progress through my late sixties, if what will happen when my husband dies. Or when I die, and he's left alone. I battle a lot of sadness about that. Even as another part of me, simultaneously, knows that whatever will be will be, and it will be figured out THEN. I am grateful for my Buddhist practice, which helps rope me back into the present, over and over and over and over.
I am worried about my mom and mother-in-law's dementia/s. My mother-in-law has become volatile in her moods. My mom is sweet but sometimes very rigid and a bit demanding.
There are happy-sad moments like when my mom and I went down to the lake at her assisted living and saw an anhinga. She wanted to know everything about anhingas and asked if they breathe underwater or above water. She posed like an anhinga drying her wings in her wheelchair.
I worry so much about innocent people dying in the Middle East. I am on the side of peace, peace for everyone. It's breaking my heart and yet I can't do anything about it. I don't know how I feel about turning away.
I am worried about my own internal state. I alternate between more and less functional.
I appreciate this post. It feels like a balm. I hope I will remember to look back over it in the days ahead.
These all sound like highly understandable and appropriate worries. There is so much suffering in the world. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and mother-in-law - glad you can have some moments of brightness with your mom - what a lovely image. Wishing you as much balm as is possible 🙏🏻
My biggest worry is money. How to make what I have stretch to cover all the bills. I try to find ways to make extra money (at nearly 80, I'm long retired) by taking in sewing, but jobs are few and far between. I try not to worry, but these fears enter my nighttime dreams. I practice daily gratitude for what I do have (and I know it's so much more than many have). I look forward to your post on how not to worry about money. I hope it's not for paid subscribers only.
Thanks for sharing Sandra. Money - such a huge one for so many of us - and so tough when you're not always able to make ends meet. There'll be a free Tuesday post about money and I'll also recommend a couple of other Substacks. If you would like a complimentary subscription (as Christi suggests!) just email me satya@satyarobyn.com.
Satya also says above that if you cannot afford a paid subscription, she will work something out with you. It sounds like you would qualify in your situation. I'd encourage you to reach out privately to her.
I'm getting better with letting a lot of things go. I think the serenity prayer, stoicism, and a zen mentality are all telling me the same things: there are things I can't control, and I need to leave them be and accept that.
Yes, it's a lesson that feels increasingly important to me, especially when it comes to things 'in me' - ie things I thought I SHOULD be able to control. Which doesn't let me off the hook, but that kind of reality check does feel like a big relief. If that makes sense. Always good to see you here Andrew.
Mostly I worry about my health and what will happen to me when it deteriorates to such an extent that I won't be able to take care of myself. That's a dark cloud hanging over me every day, followed by a fear and dread forcing itself upon me through nightmares and dark visions in the hours when others are sleeping. I worry about my children, all adults now, and how they can take care of themselves as they face the onslaught of a frightening future. But I have also learned that love is the answer, the only answer, the love that you describe so beautifully above, and which I have practiced as self-compassion (so difficult) and tonglen. I am looking forward to the unfolding of your upcoming posts, thank you.
Sorry to hear about these heavy and totally understandable worries Edith. Glad that you have also found love to be the answer - as imperfectly as we are able to receive it/remember it - yes, self-compassion is so hard! Thanks for being here, I appreciate it.
This is a very reassuring piece. I love what you say about love - we all really should learn to lean on that a bit more. I worry about everything and it’s an exhausting living, but putting it in perspective like that helps. Thank you for this beautiful letter.
It makes me very happy that you've used the word 'reassuring' Snezhanna as that's one of the things I really want to do with my writing (and my work in general). Welcome to this space and thank you so much for taking the time to comment 🙏🏻💚 (Here's wishing that your worrying parts can relax even just a teensy bit today.)
Tell me: What do you worry about? How much of your energy does it take? Rather than worrying, maybe you funnel your ‘worry-energy’ into excessive planning or perfecting or working or self-criticism, or doing things to numb yourself out a bit? (If so, all my advice will apply just as much to you too.) Which of the list above might help you to find a different angle with these worries this week, or shed a different light on what happens inside you?
Wonderful Satya. The one which struck with me most, 'If you are alive, you are not alone'. The year before Covid in the UK, I experienced the toughest 13 months of my life, since my early 20s [I'm now mid-40s]. I was arrested [twice] and investigated by police for a serious crime I didn't commit. I could finally prove I was 5 miles away at the time of the offence. But for those 399 days, my wife and I looked down the horrifying barrel of me spending the next 2 years in prison. But - even though I confided in so few people - it was the few who supported me who proved priceless. I was not alone Satya
Wowsers sounds like a really rough year - so glad that things are sorted now. It's the kind of thing we never expect to happen to us - just 'other people'. And very glad to hear that you were not alone. Wishing you a gentle recovery Glenn.
Thank you Satya. Exactly right. You never think something like that will happen to you. I certainly learnt a lot that year. I won't forget what happened, but I think all told I'm lucky. I'm good!
I am a decade shy of retirement and worry that we do not have “enough” savings. I try to manage our money well and save what I can, but I still worry that the number is not as big as it “ought” to be. I try to practice Not Knowing. I cannot predict what the next ten years will bring. I may not even live that long. All I can affect is the present moment. I do what I can now, and allow the future to take care of itself. My take away from your list is that I am not alone with these concerns. Surveys find a large proportion of the US population concerned about insufficient retirement savings. We can lean on each other and figure it out together.
It's a big one for me too Stuart - trying to work out how to live well in the present whilst also planning for the future - alongside the possibility that, as you say, we don't know how long we've got. I try to find a middle way but it doesn't always work!! Glad to hear that you feel less alone. We can!! Good to meet you 🙏🏻
I honestly never thought about worry as our coping mechanism for dealing with the truth of impermanence -- but you're right! Thank you for that. Also ... my main worry, as I progress through my late sixties, if what will happen when my husband dies. Or when I die, and he's left alone. I battle a lot of sadness about that. Even as another part of me, simultaneously, knows that whatever will be will be, and it will be figured out THEN. I am grateful for my Buddhist practice, which helps rope me back into the present, over and over and over and over.
Yes - this is such a HUGE one isn't it? (for those of us lucky enough to have good partnerships). Hurray for the present moment.
“Your parts always have reasons for what they do” needed this today 💕
🙏🏻⭐
I am worried about my mom and mother-in-law's dementia/s. My mother-in-law has become volatile in her moods. My mom is sweet but sometimes very rigid and a bit demanding.
There are happy-sad moments like when my mom and I went down to the lake at her assisted living and saw an anhinga. She wanted to know everything about anhingas and asked if they breathe underwater or above water. She posed like an anhinga drying her wings in her wheelchair.
I worry so much about innocent people dying in the Middle East. I am on the side of peace, peace for everyone. It's breaking my heart and yet I can't do anything about it. I don't know how I feel about turning away.
I am worried about my own internal state. I alternate between more and less functional.
I appreciate this post. It feels like a balm. I hope I will remember to look back over it in the days ahead.
This got very long. I hope that's okay.
These all sound like highly understandable and appropriate worries. There is so much suffering in the world. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and mother-in-law - glad you can have some moments of brightness with your mom - what a lovely image. Wishing you as much balm as is possible 🙏🏻
My biggest worry is money. How to make what I have stretch to cover all the bills. I try to find ways to make extra money (at nearly 80, I'm long retired) by taking in sewing, but jobs are few and far between. I try not to worry, but these fears enter my nighttime dreams. I practice daily gratitude for what I do have (and I know it's so much more than many have). I look forward to your post on how not to worry about money. I hope it's not for paid subscribers only.
Thanks for sharing Sandra. Money - such a huge one for so many of us - and so tough when you're not always able to make ends meet. There'll be a free Tuesday post about money and I'll also recommend a couple of other Substacks. If you would like a complimentary subscription (as Christi suggests!) just email me satya@satyarobyn.com.
Satya also says above that if you cannot afford a paid subscription, she will work something out with you. It sounds like you would qualify in your situation. I'd encourage you to reach out privately to her.
Thank you.
Aiko is always a welcome appearance!
I'm getting better with letting a lot of things go. I think the serenity prayer, stoicism, and a zen mentality are all telling me the same things: there are things I can't control, and I need to leave them be and accept that.
I have a whole stack of puppy photos ; )
Yes, it's a lesson that feels increasingly important to me, especially when it comes to things 'in me' - ie things I thought I SHOULD be able to control. Which doesn't let me off the hook, but that kind of reality check does feel like a big relief. If that makes sense. Always good to see you here Andrew.
Always good to see Aiko! Older pics, too :)
Mostly I worry about my health and what will happen to me when it deteriorates to such an extent that I won't be able to take care of myself. That's a dark cloud hanging over me every day, followed by a fear and dread forcing itself upon me through nightmares and dark visions in the hours when others are sleeping. I worry about my children, all adults now, and how they can take care of themselves as they face the onslaught of a frightening future. But I have also learned that love is the answer, the only answer, the love that you describe so beautifully above, and which I have practiced as self-compassion (so difficult) and tonglen. I am looking forward to the unfolding of your upcoming posts, thank you.
Sorry to hear about these heavy and totally understandable worries Edith. Glad that you have also found love to be the answer - as imperfectly as we are able to receive it/remember it - yes, self-compassion is so hard! Thanks for being here, I appreciate it.
This is a very reassuring piece. I love what you say about love - we all really should learn to lean on that a bit more. I worry about everything and it’s an exhausting living, but putting it in perspective like that helps. Thank you for this beautiful letter.
It makes me very happy that you've used the word 'reassuring' Snezhanna as that's one of the things I really want to do with my writing (and my work in general). Welcome to this space and thank you so much for taking the time to comment 🙏🏻💚 (Here's wishing that your worrying parts can relax even just a teensy bit today.)
Tell me: What do you worry about? How much of your energy does it take? Rather than worrying, maybe you funnel your ‘worry-energy’ into excessive planning or perfecting or working or self-criticism, or doing things to numb yourself out a bit? (If so, all my advice will apply just as much to you too.) Which of the list above might help you to find a different angle with these worries this week, or shed a different light on what happens inside you?