I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes
IFS Week 1: Getting to know our different parts
Week 1 of my introduction to Internal Family Systems course. IFS utterly transformed my life - let’s see if it might transform yours too 😊
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
~ Walt Whitman
I have always been an avid collector of quotes. It excites me to find words that crystallise some half-formed knowledge inside me - words that provide a missing piece of the puzzle, or that make me feel less alone by validating my experience.
When I was in my twenties I found this fragment of Whitman’s poem, Song of Myself, and I instantly identified with his internal ‘multitudes’. I was sometimes accused of contradicting myself, and so I relished Whitman’s insouciance. ‘Yeah, different things are true for me at the same time. So?’
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a way of seeing human beings that relies on the idea that we are multiple - that we all have individual bundles of habit patterns inside us that have their own thoughts, feelings, motivations and histories. IFS calls these habit-bundles parts. Parts are independent of each other, and they have relationships with each other and with parts of other people. A multiple-mind model is not new, and has been proposed by many great thinkers such as Whitman and Jung over time as a way of making sense of how human beings work.
As we explore the particular proposals of IFS together I will invite you to welcome all your parts along. If you have a skeptical part, then great! It’ll help you to keep an eye on whether or not this is all hogwash. Do test out what I say against your own experience, and feel free to disagree.
Since learning about IFS, I see the whole world through my ‘IFS glasses’. They have helped me in many ways - I see more clearly, I am kinder to myself, and I have more compassion for others. I also know that they’re not the only pair of glasses in existence, and that my IFS glasses might need some tweaks for you to find them helpful in your own life. Do feel free to make use of one or two pieces of IFS wisdom and leave the rest. Let’s see where the adventure leads you.
I’ve written a short overview on the whole of IFS here (with puppies), and you might want to read that to give you a broad overview before continuing. For the purposes of this week’s adventure, however, you only need to bring your curiosity to the following proposal:
We are made up of different parts.
You can either skip to the exercise for the week now or read on for a bit more context…
As it says in my overview we all have two broad categories of parts - those that protect us, and those that hold vulnerability. We’ll mostly be working with our protective parts during this month for a couple of reasons. The first is that we always start by getting to know the part or parts at the ‘front of the queue’ (the one/s that are making themselves most known) and these are usually protectors. The second is that it can be helpful to get the support of someone with IFS expertise when working with vulnerable exiled parts or your system can become afraid of overwhelm.
A note on overwhelm - this is important over the whole month. If you ever feel the edges of overwhelm, or if you feel a defensive reaction, or you don’t want to do something I’ve suggested, then simply STEP BACK. One of the things I love about IFS is that we always respect our protective parts. If they’re saying ‘I don’t really want to go there’ then we trust that they’ll have a good reason, and we should honour that. In the unlikely event that you get into any deep water and you’re not sure how to get out of it, then do feel free to leave a comment with a question.
When we respect our parts, working with IFS is the most gentle way of approaching our vulnerabilities that I know, because we always go at the pace of the very slowest part of us.
So - how do we get to know our parts?
Different people will do this in different ways - there is no ‘correct way’. We might compare it to getting to know a room full of people. Some of them might be shouting at each other, some will be hiding at the back, and some are so close to you that you can’t even get a clear look at them.
Some people are able to differentiate between different parts by their tone of voice (‘ah, that sounds like my self-critical part’) or the way their body feels (‘oh, I’m nervous in my stomach and that always happens when I’m worried about whether someone is judging me - that’s my self-conscious part’). Some people recognise the kind of things different parts say (‘ah, there’s the one that believes I’m worthless’ or ‘my chocolate-eating part has just reminded me about the new caramel chocolates in the drawer’). Some people are able to get to know their parts by having a visual image of them (a organising part that carries a clipboard, or a kind fuzzy monster that offers you comfort) or by asking them questions (‘what job do you do for me?’ or ‘tell me more about yourself’).
This week we’re just dipping our toe into the IFS ocean and so don’t worry if you can’t differentiate between your parts to begin with. Even if you catch sight of a single part of you, that’s a great start. If you’re more experienced with IFS (or if you’re not!), maybe start to drawing a map or a picture with all your different parts on it. It’ll be a work in progress.
Next week we’ll be looking at how every single one of our parts have positive intentions for us. I don’t expect you to believe that just now but you might want to bear it in mind as a possibility as you discover your parts.
More than anything, I hope you enjoy your explorations this week. Remember that these are gentle adventures - do bring playfulness, kindness and curiosity to your experimentations. Your parts will be happy to be seen, and maybe you’ll even learn some new things about yourself.
Let’s see who you’ve got in there!
Go gently,
Satya <3
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Book recommendations
If you’re interested in taking a deeper dive into IFS as we travel together I’d recommend two books - Parts Work by Tom Holmes is a basic introduction with lots of pictures, and No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz is written by the founder of IFS and offers a complete overview of IFS with lots of transcripts of therapy sessions. This is optional - and, they’re fab books!
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Exercise for the week: Put five or ten minutes aside every day to start getting to know your parts.
In addition to this regular time, you might also be able to catch your parts ‘in action’ at various moments throughout the day.
You might want to choose a single part to get to know better (e.g. the part that gets you to look at your phone, or the part that criticises you).
You might just want to be curious about all the different parts that move through you over the course of the day.
Do make notes in your journal or start to draw a parts ‘map’.
Journal prompts: How does it feel to read about parts? What thoughts or feelings arise? Is there any resistance? If so, great - do listen to what the resistance is saying. How can you tell when different parts of you are in the driving seat? What do they think or do? How do they make your body feel?
Question to carry with you: Who is here right now?
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Right now my “doing absolutely nothing part” is holding the ace card!
I’m shattered and have very little to give anyone else….. so I’m lying with my feet up, in my caravan listening to the blackbird outside the window. I can see the sky above and the tips of the trees. Nothing else.
Non of my other parts are invited! I’m here alone!
It’s bliss
So timely for me. My next essay is titled "Different, Not Separate" and comes at this same broad idea from a larger context. As you say, we are different people within ourselves at different times.
My hope is to extend that idea - that it's ok that we are all of these different, sometimes contradictory things and yet just one being. And holding that idea, then extend it to the world. We are all different unique beings. And yet all connected by our common humanity.