Thank you for your words. For me, my body and it's shape are a source a real and deep distress. I long to be thin again so I don't have to confront that each day. It's good to be shown other ways and that I might one day feel kindness to my body.
I must go and buy new pants. I am at my heaviest and getting dressed each day has become upsetting, and going through the day in uncomfortable clothes is awful. And I hate shopping! But I do believe I'd be happier deciding to be comfortable and having options - not feeling like I deserve to suffer because I haven't lost this weight. Thank you for helping me move towards doing this.
I have a cousin who nearly died from anorexia. Her hospitalization and eventual recovery were daily conversational fodder for my grandmother. Every time I went to visit she asked my weight. I was thin due to Celiac but didn't learn that until I was 40.
When I stopped eating gluten it was glorious at first. I went from a US size 2 to 4. Wonderful! I can finally find clothes! Then from a size 4 to 6, then 8. Yay, I have boobs! But I soon discovered this weight gain had no brakes and for the first time had to consider the role of willpower in weight maintenance. Also, I apparently have no willpower.
Today at 63 and size 12 I'm thankful just to be here. Left undiagnosed Celiac would have killed me. We owe our bodies so much gratitude for how hard they work to keep us alive. Still, if anyone has tips on how to lose 10 pounds quickly .... oh never mind.
As a child of the 80s I feel we grew up in a particularly toxic era when it came to the female body. In my teenage years I was massively effected by these messages and the punishment I inflicted on myself lasted decades. Now approaching my 40s and after birthing two children I have a very different view of my body. I am not saying I'm free of insecurity at all times but with initiative eating and regular exercise I'm now the sexiest I've every felt in my life and I'm embracing it.
Sweet Satya, Once again your timing was perfect. At 75 I am not at my heaviest but I have picked up extra weight most of which has landed in my tummy, hips and backside. I kid with friends about being a chubby vegetarian. After my hysterectomy I simply haven’t been able to tolerate tight waist bands so now large shirts and stretchy yoga pants are my main “go to.” I am also on a medication which appears to have added a few lbs after I started using it but I need it so Oh well. As a caregiver I am housebound most days, which means my morning walk and brief activity on a stationary bike aren’t having the impact I’d like. I’ll continue to muddle along with my limited exercise, eat as sensibly as I can and allow myself the occasional treat. I tell myself that at this moment in time - things are what they are. Thank you everyone for writing today. I feel comforted and less alone.
I've had periods in my life (when I was working out a lot) when I was happy with my body. At 65, my focus has turned more toward health than appearance. As for the photo, I'm glad that you know all this! Many don't. Which is okay. But there's nothing wrong with gentle reminders. And I know the story of the mile porridge well!
I’ve always had problems with my body, and I often get angry with it! I’ll try to take your advice and go gently with it, but I make no promises that I will succeed. LOL Thank you.
This is going to be a slightly weird comment, so hear me out. First, I thought your post was excellent and the topic speaks to almost all of us, in one way or another. So, well done! Second, this is not a criticism of you at all. I simply wanted to point out that a lot of people mistake the last image you used as being the Buddha, when in reality the Buddha was slim and in great shape. This image is mostly likely Hotei, a Chinese laughing god. Again, you did not misidentify it and did nothing wrong. I just like to pass this along to inform people who might think otherwise. :)
A very important conversation. Many of us are on medication that can impact our weight. I have gained almost 70 pounds in 5 years and it’s been very hard on my body. If one more person tells me to just eat less I will scream. I appreciate the link to intuitive eating.
Very relatable, Satya. My weight has always fluctuated, and I was happiest with my appearance when I dropped to a size 8 in my 40s - stress-induced, in hindsight. And yet, well-intentioned friends would look at me with concern and lament my 'too-thinness'. It was crushing. At 52, I now have a thickened waist, coupled with the pot belly and ample boobs that have always been my default, plus what I condemn as "pudgy" arms. And yet: every so often, from some very sheltered and safe corner inside me, a little voice whispers "Damn, your boobs are magnificent. Wow, look at those sensual curves!" I am so grateful to that little part of me that contains radical, clear-sighted love for this body of mine, and I am so pleased you are finding the joys of your beautiful body too. Thank you for offering a safe space, once again, for us to express ourselves.
I have been slim most of my life (though I’ve always had a bit of what used to be called a ‘pot belly’ -- I think this was likely due to bad posture).
Anyway, during my (1) pregnancy, I gradually gained 60 lbs. I was amazed. Afterwards, I remember how frustrated I became by the changes in my body. I did get back down to my original weight but things had shifted. My hips were wider for sure, for instance.
Nonetheless, I continued to cram my body into my clothes for a few years. And then: peri-menopause. And then menopause.
The ‘education’ I had received about such things was nil: I had learned a bit about sex and a lot about menstruation, but nothing past that. (My research into fertility, when I was trying to get pregnant, proved fascinating. But it took til my late 30s to learn about that.)
Seems like that’s what it is: you learn as you’re smack-dab already ‘in it’.
I recently decided that cramming myself into my clothes wasn’t fun anymore. I went and bought two pairs of jeans in the next highest size. When I put on the first pair and they glided over my hips and belly, I breathed a sigh of relief. I love when I wear these jeans.
I still try to dress ‘strategically’ (I don’t do form-fitting and I’m always wearing a top that covers the bigger bits) but I’ve come to embrace my body, even while it surprises me every day.
This is beautiful, Satya, thank you for sharing your experience....it's extremely validating.
I'm also at the age (52) where menopausal shifts are changing the way my body looks and I'm partly bemused and partly horrified (but only when I remember to be so, so that should say something!).
I spent my twenties as an exercise rider of racehorses and had a brief stint as a jockey and that experience was very much overshadowed by the need to be a certain weight...ie. 105lbs (preferably less) for an apprentice jockey. I'm naturally on the small side but I struggled with maintaining that weight and food became a deeply unhealthy obsession. I would watch people eating on TV and it would drive me to distraction. Anyway. After that, I swore I would never step on a scale again and I haven't. Of course, that doesn't stop me from noticing my 'menopausal paunch' lol.
I try to remind myself that this is a perfectly natural process...my body needs that extra fat to provide the estrogen that my ovaries are no longer providing...and that this is my 'wisdom belly'. It's a lot of self-talk and self-reassurance and for the most part, it works. But as you say, a lifetime of diet culture and the patriarchal gaze runs deep.
Interestingly - last year we were having some bathroom renovations done and, as such, there was no mirror in the bathroom for several months. I've never felt happier with how I look. ;)
Thank you for your words. For me, my body and it's shape are a source a real and deep distress. I long to be thin again so I don't have to confront that each day. It's good to be shown other ways and that I might one day feel kindness to my body.
I must go and buy new pants. I am at my heaviest and getting dressed each day has become upsetting, and going through the day in uncomfortable clothes is awful. And I hate shopping! But I do believe I'd be happier deciding to be comfortable and having options - not feeling like I deserve to suffer because I haven't lost this weight. Thank you for helping me move towards doing this.
I have a cousin who nearly died from anorexia. Her hospitalization and eventual recovery were daily conversational fodder for my grandmother. Every time I went to visit she asked my weight. I was thin due to Celiac but didn't learn that until I was 40.
When I stopped eating gluten it was glorious at first. I went from a US size 2 to 4. Wonderful! I can finally find clothes! Then from a size 4 to 6, then 8. Yay, I have boobs! But I soon discovered this weight gain had no brakes and for the first time had to consider the role of willpower in weight maintenance. Also, I apparently have no willpower.
Today at 63 and size 12 I'm thankful just to be here. Left undiagnosed Celiac would have killed me. We owe our bodies so much gratitude for how hard they work to keep us alive. Still, if anyone has tips on how to lose 10 pounds quickly .... oh never mind.
As a child of the 80s I feel we grew up in a particularly toxic era when it came to the female body. In my teenage years I was massively effected by these messages and the punishment I inflicted on myself lasted decades. Now approaching my 40s and after birthing two children I have a very different view of my body. I am not saying I'm free of insecurity at all times but with initiative eating and regular exercise I'm now the sexiest I've every felt in my life and I'm embracing it.
Sweet Satya, Once again your timing was perfect. At 75 I am not at my heaviest but I have picked up extra weight most of which has landed in my tummy, hips and backside. I kid with friends about being a chubby vegetarian. After my hysterectomy I simply haven’t been able to tolerate tight waist bands so now large shirts and stretchy yoga pants are my main “go to.” I am also on a medication which appears to have added a few lbs after I started using it but I need it so Oh well. As a caregiver I am housebound most days, which means my morning walk and brief activity on a stationary bike aren’t having the impact I’d like. I’ll continue to muddle along with my limited exercise, eat as sensibly as I can and allow myself the occasional treat. I tell myself that at this moment in time - things are what they are. Thank you everyone for writing today. I feel comforted and less alone.
I've had periods in my life (when I was working out a lot) when I was happy with my body. At 65, my focus has turned more toward health than appearance. As for the photo, I'm glad that you know all this! Many don't. Which is okay. But there's nothing wrong with gentle reminders. And I know the story of the mile porridge well!
I’ve always had problems with my body, and I often get angry with it! I’ll try to take your advice and go gently with it, but I make no promises that I will succeed. LOL Thank you.
This is going to be a slightly weird comment, so hear me out. First, I thought your post was excellent and the topic speaks to almost all of us, in one way or another. So, well done! Second, this is not a criticism of you at all. I simply wanted to point out that a lot of people mistake the last image you used as being the Buddha, when in reality the Buddha was slim and in great shape. This image is mostly likely Hotei, a Chinese laughing god. Again, you did not misidentify it and did nothing wrong. I just like to pass this along to inform people who might think otherwise. :)
A very important conversation. Many of us are on medication that can impact our weight. I have gained almost 70 pounds in 5 years and it’s been very hard on my body. If one more person tells me to just eat less I will scream. I appreciate the link to intuitive eating.
Very relatable, Satya. My weight has always fluctuated, and I was happiest with my appearance when I dropped to a size 8 in my 40s - stress-induced, in hindsight. And yet, well-intentioned friends would look at me with concern and lament my 'too-thinness'. It was crushing. At 52, I now have a thickened waist, coupled with the pot belly and ample boobs that have always been my default, plus what I condemn as "pudgy" arms. And yet: every so often, from some very sheltered and safe corner inside me, a little voice whispers "Damn, your boobs are magnificent. Wow, look at those sensual curves!" I am so grateful to that little part of me that contains radical, clear-sighted love for this body of mine, and I am so pleased you are finding the joys of your beautiful body too. Thank you for offering a safe space, once again, for us to express ourselves.
I have been slim most of my life (though I’ve always had a bit of what used to be called a ‘pot belly’ -- I think this was likely due to bad posture).
Anyway, during my (1) pregnancy, I gradually gained 60 lbs. I was amazed. Afterwards, I remember how frustrated I became by the changes in my body. I did get back down to my original weight but things had shifted. My hips were wider for sure, for instance.
Nonetheless, I continued to cram my body into my clothes for a few years. And then: peri-menopause. And then menopause.
The ‘education’ I had received about such things was nil: I had learned a bit about sex and a lot about menstruation, but nothing past that. (My research into fertility, when I was trying to get pregnant, proved fascinating. But it took til my late 30s to learn about that.)
Seems like that’s what it is: you learn as you’re smack-dab already ‘in it’.
I recently decided that cramming myself into my clothes wasn’t fun anymore. I went and bought two pairs of jeans in the next highest size. When I put on the first pair and they glided over my hips and belly, I breathed a sigh of relief. I love when I wear these jeans.
I still try to dress ‘strategically’ (I don’t do form-fitting and I’m always wearing a top that covers the bigger bits) but I’ve come to embrace my body, even while it surprises me every day.
This is beautiful, Satya, thank you for sharing your experience....it's extremely validating.
I'm also at the age (52) where menopausal shifts are changing the way my body looks and I'm partly bemused and partly horrified (but only when I remember to be so, so that should say something!).
I spent my twenties as an exercise rider of racehorses and had a brief stint as a jockey and that experience was very much overshadowed by the need to be a certain weight...ie. 105lbs (preferably less) for an apprentice jockey. I'm naturally on the small side but I struggled with maintaining that weight and food became a deeply unhealthy obsession. I would watch people eating on TV and it would drive me to distraction. Anyway. After that, I swore I would never step on a scale again and I haven't. Of course, that doesn't stop me from noticing my 'menopausal paunch' lol.
I try to remind myself that this is a perfectly natural process...my body needs that extra fat to provide the estrogen that my ovaries are no longer providing...and that this is my 'wisdom belly'. It's a lot of self-talk and self-reassurance and for the most part, it works. But as you say, a lifetime of diet culture and the patriarchal gaze runs deep.
Interestingly - last year we were having some bathroom renovations done and, as such, there was no mirror in the bathroom for several months. I've never felt happier with how I look. ;)