Lovely and lots of great resources thanks. I keep adding myself to waiting lists to do the training but can’t seem to get into any courses at the moment they all seems full. But I lean into patience and will get a spot one of these years I’m sure .
Ack yes it's so hard to get on them - I hope you keep trying, the training was so amazing for me. Keeping everything crossed 🤞🏻 and I'm glad you think my pieces might be helpful. Enjoy!
Parts and Puppies! Could there be a better combination? IFS has changed my life, and though I (or anyone) will never be “there” (whatever that means), what a joy-filled ride when we can stop seeing ourselves as fully insert-negative-trait-here and help those parts of ourselves. I enjoy the way Frank Anderson looks at IFS, especially when he’s speaking about it. IFS is what drew me to you. I so appreciate all you do to share this with others. Thank you!
I agree : ) so glad you had a similar experience to me and yes, I totally get that too - there are always more parts in extreme positions, more exiles.... I like Anderson too. Must get his autobiography! So good to have you here Deb - some pieces on IFS coming up on GG soon!
I think his book should be waiting for me when I get back home to Whidbey Island from “home” for a class reunion in northern Minnesota—such a great opportunity to keep IFS in mind! 😊 I’m looking forward to more IFS pieces from you!
I'm new to learning about IFS, as I've just started therapy with an IFS specialist who has found it to be really effective with highly sensitive people (HSPs). Thanks for this overview, really helpful background info!
I am tip toeing my way into the work of IFS and I found this essay extremely helpful. Thank you, Satya.
Just being able to name my manager - see her for who is she and why she feels she needs to protect me and all those around me I love, well, there’s self-compassion there that I didn’t expect to find.
I love the image of you tip-toeing into the magic of IFS : ) and I'm really glad, thanks for the feedback. I often write through the 'IFS' lens - it's been SO helpful. And hurray for your manager. Our managers do SUCH a good job in often difficult circumstances. Good to meet you!
Good question. I would see health issues as sometimes involving parts and sometimes not (ie a purely biological/physical phenomena) - we can find out how much is because of parts and how much isn't in the same way as all other parts work - by getting into Self and getting to know the parts - you could start by tuning into the physical symptoms and asking if any parts are involved or if any parts have any information about the illness. You can ask inside what percentage of the illness is 'caused by' parts too and see what happens. All this would be better to do with a trained IFS therapist if possible.
Thanks for this. I enjoyed the refresher. IFS was a game-changer for me while in a residential program earlier this year. I just published a piece reflecting on the year anniversary beginning that journey. https://goodforsomething.substack.com/p/the-way-back
Thanks for sharing Andrew and so glad you're a fan of IFS. I just read your post - powerful - thank you for sharing your story. I'm subscribed! Go gently x
I have read this article many times since you first posted it here last February. Your presentation of the key points in IFS therapy continue to help me find a way to navigate internal seascapes which grow very stormy at times! Mostly my difficult areas are based around shame and guilt even though I now realise that such emotions were the only way my childish mind could make sense about what was happening. And still these emotions hold far too much control over my life. It is reassuring to know that IFS therapy works well in conjunction with Mindful Self-Compassion. It means that it is possible to work on ourselves and maybe alter our perceptions of the present moment just enough to potentially make the future a slightly more loving and compassionate place to be.
Ah, so glad to hear this - I've linked to it a thousand times and was hoping it wasn't too annoying, so glad it has been something you've been able to re-read. There's a lot of theory in there! I think guilt and shame is the big one for most of us - shame is so yucky to feel. And yes, even if we can make our future (and other people's) a teensy bit more loving - bringing just a little bit more Self-energy in - then that's a good thing. Thanks Edith.
This IFS system makes total sense! Does this throw "dissociative disorder" out the window? My son was diagnosed with DD and yet, after reading about all the "parts"...I wonder, where does one end and the other begin? Hmmm....
Hi Mary - yes, it does doesn't it?! And according to IFS, DID is when parts become EXTRA extreme and almost totally cut off from each other - so we all have parts, but folk with DID have parts that work by being estranged/becoming very extreme in an attempt at holding the whole system together. Does that make sense from what you know of your son's experience? So it's a sliding scale, but it's not true (as some folk are worried) that we all have DID. All mental distress can be made sense of through the IFS lens - and there are lots of sliding scales there too - depression, anxiety etc etc. (good to have you here Mary!)
Thanks so much for your response Satya! And yes, it does make sense. I try to stay out of my son's mental health lane (!!), but IFS is good information for me to work with. Kinda feels like we're all in the sliding scale of our lives ;-)).
Thank you for the resources and this clear overview of IFS I have heard friends talk about it but this is helpful for understanding it. It makes a lot of sense to me and seems a really compassionate approach which always ticks the box for me.
So glad you found it useful Jen. Yes I think the word of mouth is growing. And absolutely - if there was one word I would use to summarise the model it would be 'compassion'. Good to meet you 😊
Thanks for this post. I was always wondering about parts of myself that make no sense to me. I can get real upset or angry and not know why I am over reacting. Now I get it!
I'm so glad Linda. It's one of the things I LOVE about IFS - it says that our reactions ALWAYS makes sense (internally - from the perspective of our parts - which of course we won't always agree with!) - we just don't have all the information. Thanks for reading!
Thanks Robyn. I practice and teach Mindful Self-compassion which is a very natural partner to IFS. The same principle is present in that different aspects of ourselves are trying to be helpful - yes even the self-critic - though - like the self-critic - they don't always do so in a very helpful way. So when the self-critic is banging away, instead of trying to shut that voice up, we can look instead for a compassionate voice, a voice that wants the same outcome but is a bit more loving in their approach. Works wonders... :-)
Thanks for that - Mindful Self-compassion sounds wonderful. IFS would say something slightly different (if I've understood you correctly) - that the self-critic is also worth listening to and understanding, because even though they are doing something that is harmful, it's the only thing they know how to do - and if they stop they are afraid of various consequences. If we can listen from Self and get to know the relationships between the self-critic and other parts, we can naturally heal what needs healing and the recovered self-critic can choose a new job - being discerning, or becoming a cheerleader etc...
Thanks so much for writing this. I spent around 18 months in IFS therapy with an excellent counsellor, and it helped me to completely re-evaluate my perspective on a couple of critical areas of my life. More than that, it gave me the tools to accept those exiles and bring them back into the "self" part of my experience. It genuinely increased my peace-of-mind, even beyond the areas that I'd gone to therapy for.
The thing I loved most about IFS was its deep basis in science and process - that you can understand why this does that, why you need permissions, how you need to go deeper, etc. It gives a powerful framework to base recovery around. Yet, going through the therapy itself is not an intellectual pursuit - instead, it's digging into those feelings and emotions, guided by a skilled practitioner who can help you center yourself within the experience and guide where you need to go next.
Although IFS was hard, it was an almost completely positive experience, and now I look back on it from a couple of years later, and can still see the profound effect it had on the way I think and feel even now.
Thank you for a warm, approachable explanation of parts! I'm passing it on to some of my clients with whom I'm already doing IFS work, and will be in the future. Very helpful!
Thank you for sharing this perspective. By acknowledging our internal family voices we enhance our ability to see them at work within ourselves and others. This understanding should remind me to be less judgmental especially when under stress or when deeply frustrated.
By acknowledging which family voice has the floor at the moment it will hopefully remind me to ask myself “what is my intention?” and is this my best voice to achieve it. Thanks for sharing this.
I’ve been exploring IFS in recent months and I find it very valuable, especially in regard to being more accepting of myself, and curious about my experience, as well as how different parts of myself function/how they evolved etc. Some of them are very young and fearful!
Because I’ve also been delving into some books on Zen lately, I’ve been wondering how IFS fits in with the Buddhist view of no-self as they seem almost diametrically opposed. Curious to hear your thoughts!
I found the image is (apparently) by an artist called Alberto Ruggieri but I couldn’t find it on his website, even though there are many similar ones. There’s a link to his website on the page below that I found which credits him:
Thanks so much for finding the credit Kate - added. Great to hear that you're already exploring IFS - yes, it definitely helped me to be accepting of myself. I have young fearful parts too - I think we all do : ) I used to think IFS & Buddhism were opposed, but now I see them as perfectly compatible. Self = Buddha Nature = 'no-self'... no-self can also be seen as SELF or the divine outside of us, however we make sense of that... Richard Schwartz has become more & more spiritual since founding IFS, and there are lots of Buddhists who use IFS (and vice versa). But you'll have to find your own way in making sense of it - happy exploring. PS thanks for subscribing and welcome on board : )
Thanks for responding! My tendency to take things *too* literally can trip me up I think. Got to remind myself that these things are maps and not the territory itself :)
Lovely and lots of great resources thanks. I keep adding myself to waiting lists to do the training but can’t seem to get into any courses at the moment they all seems full. But I lean into patience and will get a spot one of these years I’m sure .
Ack yes it's so hard to get on them - I hope you keep trying, the training was so amazing for me. Keeping everything crossed 🤞🏻 and I'm glad you think my pieces might be helpful. Enjoy!
Parts and Puppies! Could there be a better combination? IFS has changed my life, and though I (or anyone) will never be “there” (whatever that means), what a joy-filled ride when we can stop seeing ourselves as fully insert-negative-trait-here and help those parts of ourselves. I enjoy the way Frank Anderson looks at IFS, especially when he’s speaking about it. IFS is what drew me to you. I so appreciate all you do to share this with others. Thank you!
I agree : ) so glad you had a similar experience to me and yes, I totally get that too - there are always more parts in extreme positions, more exiles.... I like Anderson too. Must get his autobiography! So good to have you here Deb - some pieces on IFS coming up on GG soon!
I think his book should be waiting for me when I get back home to Whidbey Island from “home” for a class reunion in northern Minnesota—such a great opportunity to keep IFS in mind! 😊 I’m looking forward to more IFS pieces from you!
I'm new to learning about IFS, as I've just started therapy with an IFS specialist who has found it to be really effective with highly sensitive people (HSPs). Thanks for this overview, really helpful background info!
Ah, great that you're getting an experience of IFS Jenna. Enjoy!! Glad it was helpful x
I am tip toeing my way into the work of IFS and I found this essay extremely helpful. Thank you, Satya.
Just being able to name my manager - see her for who is she and why she feels she needs to protect me and all those around me I love, well, there’s self-compassion there that I didn’t expect to find.
And the puppies. They helped, too. 💕
I love the image of you tip-toeing into the magic of IFS : ) and I'm really glad, thanks for the feedback. I often write through the 'IFS' lens - it's been SO helpful. And hurray for your manager. Our managers do SUCH a good job in often difficult circumstances. Good to meet you!
Likewise! And my manager says thank you ;-)
Does IFS help with chronic health issues? I have done a lot of parts work but not from this lens.
Good question. I would see health issues as sometimes involving parts and sometimes not (ie a purely biological/physical phenomena) - we can find out how much is because of parts and how much isn't in the same way as all other parts work - by getting into Self and getting to know the parts - you could start by tuning into the physical symptoms and asking if any parts are involved or if any parts have any information about the illness. You can ask inside what percentage of the illness is 'caused by' parts too and see what happens. All this would be better to do with a trained IFS therapist if possible.
Thanks for this. I enjoyed the refresher. IFS was a game-changer for me while in a residential program earlier this year. I just published a piece reflecting on the year anniversary beginning that journey. https://goodforsomething.substack.com/p/the-way-back
Thanks for sharing Andrew and so glad you're a fan of IFS. I just read your post - powerful - thank you for sharing your story. I'm subscribed! Go gently x
Beautiful. IFS also has been incredibly helpful for my own healing. Thank you for writing such a well thought out article about it 🙏🏽❤️🩹
Welcome Dr Miguel - and so glad you have found IFS helpful yourself - I'm a bit of an evangelist! Good to meet you 🙏🏻
It's a beautiful system to share with the world. Great to chat with you! I love your writing 🙏🏽💖
Let me know if you fancy doing some kind of IFS collaboration sometime (I see your Substack overlaps with mine) - satya@satyarobyn.com. And thank you!
I would absolutely love that 😍 I'll email you.
I have read this article many times since you first posted it here last February. Your presentation of the key points in IFS therapy continue to help me find a way to navigate internal seascapes which grow very stormy at times! Mostly my difficult areas are based around shame and guilt even though I now realise that such emotions were the only way my childish mind could make sense about what was happening. And still these emotions hold far too much control over my life. It is reassuring to know that IFS therapy works well in conjunction with Mindful Self-Compassion. It means that it is possible to work on ourselves and maybe alter our perceptions of the present moment just enough to potentially make the future a slightly more loving and compassionate place to be.
Ah, so glad to hear this - I've linked to it a thousand times and was hoping it wasn't too annoying, so glad it has been something you've been able to re-read. There's a lot of theory in there! I think guilt and shame is the big one for most of us - shame is so yucky to feel. And yes, even if we can make our future (and other people's) a teensy bit more loving - bringing just a little bit more Self-energy in - then that's a good thing. Thanks Edith.
This IFS system makes total sense! Does this throw "dissociative disorder" out the window? My son was diagnosed with DD and yet, after reading about all the "parts"...I wonder, where does one end and the other begin? Hmmm....
Hi Mary - yes, it does doesn't it?! And according to IFS, DID is when parts become EXTRA extreme and almost totally cut off from each other - so we all have parts, but folk with DID have parts that work by being estranged/becoming very extreme in an attempt at holding the whole system together. Does that make sense from what you know of your son's experience? So it's a sliding scale, but it's not true (as some folk are worried) that we all have DID. All mental distress can be made sense of through the IFS lens - and there are lots of sliding scales there too - depression, anxiety etc etc. (good to have you here Mary!)
Thanks so much for your response Satya! And yes, it does make sense. I try to stay out of my son's mental health lane (!!), but IFS is good information for me to work with. Kinda feels like we're all in the sliding scale of our lives ;-)).
Thank you for the resources and this clear overview of IFS I have heard friends talk about it but this is helpful for understanding it. It makes a lot of sense to me and seems a really compassionate approach which always ticks the box for me.
So glad you found it useful Jen. Yes I think the word of mouth is growing. And absolutely - if there was one word I would use to summarise the model it would be 'compassion'. Good to meet you 😊
Thanks for this post. I was always wondering about parts of myself that make no sense to me. I can get real upset or angry and not know why I am over reacting. Now I get it!
I'm so glad Linda. It's one of the things I LOVE about IFS - it says that our reactions ALWAYS makes sense (internally - from the perspective of our parts - which of course we won't always agree with!) - we just don't have all the information. Thanks for reading!
Thanks Robyn. I practice and teach Mindful Self-compassion which is a very natural partner to IFS. The same principle is present in that different aspects of ourselves are trying to be helpful - yes even the self-critic - though - like the self-critic - they don't always do so in a very helpful way. So when the self-critic is banging away, instead of trying to shut that voice up, we can look instead for a compassionate voice, a voice that wants the same outcome but is a bit more loving in their approach. Works wonders... :-)
Thanks for that - Mindful Self-compassion sounds wonderful. IFS would say something slightly different (if I've understood you correctly) - that the self-critic is also worth listening to and understanding, because even though they are doing something that is harmful, it's the only thing they know how to do - and if they stop they are afraid of various consequences. If we can listen from Self and get to know the relationships between the self-critic and other parts, we can naturally heal what needs healing and the recovered self-critic can choose a new job - being discerning, or becoming a cheerleader etc...
Thanks so much for writing this. I spent around 18 months in IFS therapy with an excellent counsellor, and it helped me to completely re-evaluate my perspective on a couple of critical areas of my life. More than that, it gave me the tools to accept those exiles and bring them back into the "self" part of my experience. It genuinely increased my peace-of-mind, even beyond the areas that I'd gone to therapy for.
The thing I loved most about IFS was its deep basis in science and process - that you can understand why this does that, why you need permissions, how you need to go deeper, etc. It gives a powerful framework to base recovery around. Yet, going through the therapy itself is not an intellectual pursuit - instead, it's digging into those feelings and emotions, guided by a skilled practitioner who can help you center yourself within the experience and guide where you need to go next.
Although IFS was hard, it was an almost completely positive experience, and now I look back on it from a couple of years later, and can still see the profound effect it had on the way I think and feel even now.
Thanks Paul - so happy you had a good experience of IFS. I wouldn't go to a therapist that worked any other way these days!
Thank you for a warm, approachable explanation of parts! I'm passing it on to some of my clients with whom I'm already doing IFS work, and will be in the future. Very helpful!
Wonderful - thanks! X
Thank you for sharing this perspective. By acknowledging our internal family voices we enhance our ability to see them at work within ourselves and others. This understanding should remind me to be less judgmental especially when under stress or when deeply frustrated.
By acknowledging which family voice has the floor at the moment it will hopefully remind me to ask myself “what is my intention?” and is this my best voice to achieve it. Thanks for sharing this.
Love and light
Kim
Not always easy to do the less judgemental bit. But yes, in theory it definitely helps - and sometimes I manage it later!
Hi
I’ve been exploring IFS in recent months and I find it very valuable, especially in regard to being more accepting of myself, and curious about my experience, as well as how different parts of myself function/how they evolved etc. Some of them are very young and fearful!
Because I’ve also been delving into some books on Zen lately, I’ve been wondering how IFS fits in with the Buddhist view of no-self as they seem almost diametrically opposed. Curious to hear your thoughts!
I found the image is (apparently) by an artist called Alberto Ruggieri but I couldn’t find it on his website, even though there are many similar ones. There’s a link to his website on the page below that I found which credits him:
https://machinatorium.wordpress.com/2016/11/08/1204-alberto-ruggieri/
Thanks so much for finding the credit Kate - added. Great to hear that you're already exploring IFS - yes, it definitely helped me to be accepting of myself. I have young fearful parts too - I think we all do : ) I used to think IFS & Buddhism were opposed, but now I see them as perfectly compatible. Self = Buddha Nature = 'no-self'... no-self can also be seen as SELF or the divine outside of us, however we make sense of that... Richard Schwartz has become more & more spiritual since founding IFS, and there are lots of Buddhists who use IFS (and vice versa). But you'll have to find your own way in making sense of it - happy exploring. PS thanks for subscribing and welcome on board : )
Thanks for responding! My tendency to take things *too* literally can trip me up I think. Got to remind myself that these things are maps and not the territory itself :)