What Does Your Label Say?

THEME ONE: Know Yourself

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

What kind of plant are you?

Today we are getting started on the first of my five garden-metaphor Going Gently themes. My hope is that each of them will point you in the direction of sweet gentleness. First, a story.

For many years I would tell people that I wasn’t at all competitive. I just wasn’t that kind of gal. Then one evening I caught sight of myself as I played a board game with my ex-partner and two friends. I was loud and excitable. I grabbed at the dice when it was my turn. When I got points it brought deep joy, and the tension inside me rose and rose. I almost looked like a competitive person might look.

When I raised this possibility with my ex later, he found it hilarious. Of course I was insanely competitive. Decades later, I am now at peace with the competitive parts of me. They just love to win! Rather than expending energy on being in denial (because I don’t like the idea of being that kind of person) I can see that I just AM. It is a great relief.

Photo by VD Photography on Unsplash

So - would you like a taste of the same relief? How can we read our own plant label? I can feel a list coming on…

1. ⭐ Notice. ⭐ If we can make a teensy bit of space inside, we move from being blended with the different parts of us (the world is awful!) to catching sight of the different parts of us (a part of me thinks that the world is awful right now, and that bit of me is in the metaphorical driving seat). A bit of IFS knowledge might help you with this.

2. ⭐ Be curious. ⭐ It is impossible to be defensive and curious at the same time. Try it! Curiosity is a prerequisite for juicy new self-knowledge. If you DO feel defensive when someone gives you feedback or when you reflect on your recent behaviour, be curious about that. (Maybe later, when you don’t feel so annoyed...)

3. ⭐ Stay open. ⭐ The world is always trying to show us things. Maybe we read something in a book about jealousy and we wonder how it applies to us. Maybe a friend makes an off-hand comment about our kindness. Maybe we get hurt in the same way for a third time. Keep your eyes & ears open and be open to the message.

4. ⭐ Welcome everything. ⭐ It is natural that we would prefer to always be generous, wise and beloved by all. This is not usually the case. See if you can be Rumi’s Guest House and be willing to get to know all the different parts of you, as unpopular as they may be with other parts of you. I trust that even our most destructive parts are doing their best to help us - keep this in mind as a possibility.

5. ⭐ Allow for impermanence. ⭐ As Buddhists know, when we try to pin any part of ourselves down it slips away. Maybe you were shy as a child, and now you’re not. In the morning your cheerful parts are out and about and by the evening you are in despair. Even our cells replenish themselves - 30 trillion of them every 80 - 100 days - the equivalent of a new you. Just like plants we will grow, bud, bloom and wilt. Which different parts of us are in which of these stages?

The ancient Greeks knew it - ‘Know Thyself’ is marvellous advice. If you can follow it you’ll be able to make better decisions for yourself, be gentler and more realistic with your limits, and celebrate your strengths (we are prone to hiding our strengths from ourselves, as well as our weaknesses).

To gain more from this reflection, put some time aside to journal my ‘questions to ponder’ below, or take these ideas out on a walk. Dog optional. Over the coming month I’ll be riffing on this theme for paid subscribers - sharing stories on, for example, prioritising ice-cream and being on my hands and knees at the dog bowl, pointing you towards deeper self-knowledge & offering consolation. If you’d like to come along and you’re not already a Friend of Going Gently then…

Otherwise I’ll be back next month with our next theme, finding good soil. Let me know what kind of plant you are or how you get on in the comments.

Hmm… so what plant am I? Maybe a daffodil? A bit loud sometimes and not rare or special but (hopefully) a bringer of sunshine.

Go gently all,
Satya <3

*

Questions to ponder: If you were going to describe yourself as a plant (or an animal, or an object etc.) what kind of plant would you be? What knowledge about yourself might you be in denial about, and why? Where might you be underestimating your capacity or talent? Why? What do you really hate in other people and is it possible that you are a TEENSY BIT like that sometimes? How can you be more kind to all the different parts of you, even the ones that make a load of trouble for you and others?

Photo by Михаил Павленко on Unsplash