There’s been a revolution in the way I approach my personal finances.
This, as revolutions often are, is a result of a confluence of many things. I watched Ramit Sethi’s Netflix series, How To Get Rich. I joined a fab new bank, Starling, which lets me create lots of savings pots. I am also experiencing a general easing up - the kind of easing I’m hoping Going Gently will elicit in you - which means I am giving myself more permission to do less and enjoy life more.
The nuts and bolts of what I’m doing differently now might be a bit boring to you. At the start of every month I put my money into lots of different pots so I know how much I have to spend on priorities (like ‘chocolate’ and ‘books’) as well as pots named ‘therapy insurance’, ‘tax’ and ‘boring stuff’. I started a new personal pension and am saving money to take six weeks off next year when I turn fifty. Once money lands in certain pots, like my emergency fund, I am not touching it.
What’s more interesting is that I set up these new systems as a result of some fresh insights. I'm hoping that sharing my process will lead to some happy shifts in your own relationship with money - let’s see!
Excellent questions can unlock new territory. For me, the most important and interesting question that Ramit asked his financial clients was, what does your rich life look like? Not other people's rich life. Not the rich life of designer clothes or cruises or fancy cars. Mine.
My rich life means having enough money to live my relatively modest life, plus treats. It means being able to eat out with friends and go to the seaside or a country cottage twice a year with the dogs and Kaspa. It means knowing that I will have a bit of spending money when I retire and having ‘emergency buffers’ in case of, well, emergencies. It also means holding space for courses, new adventures & tickets to the occasional drag show.
Even more importantly, my rich life includes being rich in blank spaces in my schedule, rich in headspace and rich in time alone. I have been working towards seeing fewer therapy clients, learning to say that difficult work: ‘no’. I have finally reached my target of ten clients a week, which I do alongside my writing and running the temple. It means that there is less ‘fat’ in my finances, and I have to be careful about splurging binges. It also means that I am less frantic, more grounded and Just Plain Happier.
This magic question can also be applied to other areas of our life. I had similar ‘aha’ moments when Sarah Fay of Writers At Work asked a similar question in a workshop: what does writing a successful Substack look like for us? Did we want to sell books? Then a big list of free subscribers is more important than having any paid subscribers. Did we want to aim as having our Substack as our full time job, or would it always be a part of a portfolio of the different things we did? All of these questions have implications for what kind of energy we put in, and how we know when we’re moving in the right direction.1
So, what does your rich life look like? I’ve asked you some questions below - if your curiosity is piqued, put ten minutes aside after reading this or later today and do some exploratory writing. (Exploratory - what a delicious word.)
Once you’ve worked out what your rich life looks like, then you can start putting your money to work for you with that in mind. You can prioritise spending on the things that bring you joy (designer handbags? birdwatching weekends? whatever makes you happy!) and cut back ruthlessly on expenditure that isn’t adding much to your experience of ‘rich’.
Of course there will be a limit to how much leeway we have when we are working with these questions. I get that some folk are scraping together the money for their rent or worried about the next food shop. I hate this, and I hate the systems that perpetuate these inequalities, and it sucks.
I still hope that there is room for choice, even if we only have a very small amount of money that isn’t swallowed up by essential expenses. Where do we want it to flow? Can we put a teensy bit of it into savings and spend the rest on a small treat, guilt free? We can also expand the definition of rich to be broader than money, as I did when thinking about how important it is for me to have time alone. Would your rich life involve more time with family or friends? More time soaking in culture from free museums or more time in nature? Maybe the biggest way of making a difference would be to work with the self-critical voices inside you, or to forgive yourself. Never mind money for a minute. What does your rich life look like?
Asking myself this question has led me to some good, juicy things. I am dancing with how I can most enjoy my money now, rather than at some fantasy point in the future when I have ‘sufficient savings’. I have my new savings pot system, and it’s clear that even if I had double the money, I wouldn’t receive double the pleasure - there is only so much expensive chocolate and so many books that one girl can happily consume. It has also led me to realise that I am pretty much living my rich life already.
I will probably continue to be the kind of person who occasionally has financial disasters before breakfast. I will continue to swither between wanting more money and more time. I will continue to do a bit of ‘creative accounting’ when I suddenly decide to splash out on five dresses. That’s okay. Just like you, I am a hooman bean.
Impermanence rushes upon us every moment. I do not want to squander my riches. I want to enjoy every delicious mouthful that I can.
Go gently,
Satya <3
Writing prompts:
What does your rich life look like?
What kind of things do you want to do with your precious time in the short, medium and long term?
What makes you feel financially safe?
What are your financial burdens or where does your financial life lead to suffering? How might you work towards reducing these? (remember - go gently)
How might you re-prioritise your spending so you can spend more on the things that give you pleasure?
How does your rich life fit with your loved one’s ideals and actions? If this leads to constraints, how might you work more creatively either within the constraints or to open up new conversations about what’s important for you?
How can you start living your rich life now rather than postponing it until you have ‘enough’?
What else might help you to explore this question - a conversation with a wise friend? A series of journal entries or making some art? A long walk? Sitting down with your bank account and spreadsheets? Book these into your schedule now.
How might you go more gently with yourself when it comes to money?
How might you ENJOY YOUR MONEY MORE?
Money, eh?! What a complicated, meaning-packed, infuriating, lovely thing. Just like life.
As a side-note, my vision of success for Going Gently is that I will bring gentleness to ten thousand subscribers, offering them ease and fresh insights, whilst being paid for my writing by a proportion of lovely paid subscribers. It don’t want it to be my full time job as I’m running a temple & I have a therapy practice and I love doing those things too. At the time of writing I have 920-odd subscribers and I’ve given myself two years. Go!
My word of last year was ‘enough’ and I couldn’t believe how much it resonated throughout the year (this year’s is ‘cherish’) I decided as I was 60 I would take very baby steps towards retirement and stop taking on new clients this December. Your encouragement and questions are definitely helping, thank you x
So useful to think about in relation to finances and what I’m doing here on Substack, where it’s so easy to get swept up in everyone else’s goals.