What Would Your Simple Contented Life Look Like?

Here's mine - tell me about yours 🌿

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

What would your simple contented life look like? What would a week in that life look like?

What delicious questions.

My friend Utpaladhi asked me them on Whatsapp - her own answers are here. I knew immediately that rather than rushing a texted reply I wanted to deep dive into them and spend some time exploring the landscape: delicate corals, strange fish, dreamy rippling seaweed.

It’s a privilege to be able to consider them at all. Compared to most people, I have a lot of control over my schedule. I see psychotherapy clients at times of my own choosing, I write when I decide to write, and I offer my free time to our Buddhist project when it suits me.

My striving parts also want to tell you that I’ve worked bloody hard to get to this point. I’ve travelled through many years of expensive therapy training, Buddhist trainings, intensive self-development… I’ve spent thousands of hours writing books and articles that occasionally pay me a lot but that mostly pay me not much or nothing at all. They are saying it again (and I am listening to them): I’ve worked really hard!

And, despite all that hard work, I know that it wouldn’t have fruited if I hadn’t been lucky with my many favourable conditions. Being born into a family in the rich west who had high expectations of me. Years of good health. Genes that offered me cleverness and creativity. Those myriad wise books and teachers who shaped me over the years. Even my alcoholic ex-partner who (through my suffering at being with his suffering) led me to the 12 steps and spirituality and an open heart.

So, I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve had the means to move towards my ideal life. But what if you’re currently half-asleep on the train after a 12 hour work day, or ground down by ill health, or juggling elder care with teenagers, or anything else that is taking the best of you and leaving you with dregs? What if you can’t imagine a life without continued despair or agony, never mind a simple contented life?

Even if you feel like there’s zero chance of manifesting a better life, there are three reasons why you might profit from exploring these questions. Here they are.

Photo by Sarah Dorweiler on Unsplash

⭐ Your simple contented life as the star you vow to follow.

When I was much younger I started trying to work out what suited me and what didn’t. As I worked these things out, I added them as an imaginary patch to my future my-ideal-life quilt. It became clear that I wasn’t the best at taking orders (!), and so self-employment seemed a sensible aim. I’ve always been fascinated by the internal worlds of other people, and so I began therapy training quite young. Words have always been my refuge, and so I went on writing holidays, took courses, made friends with writers, read, wrote, read, read and wrote.

Much of my current simple contented life is the fruit of this early orienting and intentioning. This process continues as I think about what kind of life I’d like to be living at 55, 65, 80. It’s never too late. The joy of changing direction, even if we don’t expect to ever arrive at the ‘destination’, is that we can begin to enjoy fresh beauty at the sides of the new path immediately. I’m currently becoming a Certified IFS Therapist and I’m learning so much about myself in the process. The benefits have already begun.

⭐ Your simple contented life as shining moments right here and right now.

Okay, so this season of your life requires you to juggle three children under four. You are probably not going to get many weekends to leisurely wander the art galleries of Amsterdam. Maybe, though, you could find some nourishment from the view from your kitchen window, lingering on the patch of dark soil or the visiting dunnock, tuning into the subtle changes as the leaves blush and wither and as the bulbs stick their fat fingers up into the spring air.

I wrote some time ago about microjoys - teensy moments that connect us to simple happiness. The first sip of a mug of cocoa, the bubbling cracks when you gently stretch out your neck, a cat’s ecstatic back-arching greeting. This concept can apply to all the elements of your simple contented life. If you value rest, then offer yourself microrests - just ten minutes with your eyes shut on the sofa. If you yearn for a sacred creative space, take three minutes a day to write a small stone. If you want to teach, become a microstudent and read a page of a wise book every night before you slide into sleep.

Don’t wait. Life is short.

⭐ Your simple contented life as reminding you who you are.

It’s not always easy to hold onto our own most precious values when we are bombarded by ‘alternative’ ones from every angle - social media, adverts on TV, the news, our friends and families, the internalised capitalist/individualist/success-driven parts inside our own brains.

Imagining yourself as content in a simple life will remind you what you actually enjoy and what actually brings you meaning. Maybe buying a loaf of really good bread is more satisfying than another pink shirt, or maybe it’s the other way around for you. Maybe you’ve been underestimating the importance of connecting conversations or time in nature. What is really important to you, regardless of your own ‘oughts’ or the imagined judgements of others? Who are you?

So - what IS my simple contented life, and what does my ideal week look like?

Photo by Artiom Vallat on Unsplash

Okay - so money is no obstacle, right? And I can do whatever I want to do?

Well - I love my therapy work. I love writing and this space. Being outside brings me all sorts of benefits. I love animals. My Buddhist faith is underneath everything I do, and so both opportunities to receive the Dharma (readings, teachings, practicing with others) and opportunities to teach. I like having a bit of spare money to splash! I like reading both ‘clever’ books and lighter books - I’m currently binging Lord Peter Wimsey’s adventures as a detective. Time with colleagues. Snuggles with dogs and spouses under blankets on the sofa. Television, good food, good chocolate, occasional adventures, drag shows, cinema, breakfasts with friends…

What are the differences between this ideal simple and contented week and the one I actually live?

You’d have to strain to see them. I might do a little less paid work if money was no obstacle, but I’d probably end up filling that time with someone else productive anyhow. I’d be living in a little house rather than a community, but that’s a work-in-progress already. Maybe I’d choose to be a spring chicken 30 rather than wrinkly 50, but would I really? If I had to lose the hard-won wisdom of those two decades?

Does this mean that I’m always perfectly content?

Oh, no no no. We Buddhists know better than to expect being able to escape dukkha (irritation, small sufferings). This morning I’m recovering from a cold and my shoulders are a little sore from coughing. My hair is still wet from the shower and it’s chilly. Tomorrow I have a slightly-too-full-day and it’s looming. We are still in much uncertainty about our house move - will it all go through this time? Plus, of course, the usual mood weather, the usual petty annoyances, the usual crazy-awful news from the world outside.

And yet. This IS my simple, contented life. I am living it. I am as contented as a flawed human being like me can expect to be. When I remember to open my eyes/heart I can see that I am constantly being showered with blessings, in every moment.

This warm furry body curled in the dog bed under my desk.

This view across the blue-tinged misty valley.

This opportunity to send love to you, knitted into these words.

And this. And this. And this.

Photo by okeykat on Unsplash

Here’s my invitation. Pause for a few minutes before you climb back into your day and dip a toe in the warm waters of possibility. What does your simple contented life look like? Tell me about it. Write it down in your journal or jot notes on a Post-it and stick it on your computer. Tell a friend and ask them about theirs. And then apply my three suggestions above - how might it orient you, how might it point you towards opportunities in your here-and-now, and how might it remind you of who you are.

I’d especially welcome hearing from you today. It’s one of the loveliest bits of writing for you all.

Also, don’t forget to go gently 🌞
Satya <3

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Here is the lovely piece my friend Utpaladhi wrote on her own Substack. Thank you for the inspiration, Utpaladhi!

How to live a simple life

Maybe you’ll write your own piece? 🤍