Yes, yes, yes. I also 'run at a lower, gentler hum' and everything in my life, from my health to my finances to motherhood, is better for it. Leaving the Getting Lots of Stuff Done mentality is harder than it sounds; but just makes all the stuff better. Thank you for sharing this, loved it.
I was 50 this year. I long for slowness. I am currently deciding if I should take a social media break because that place blows my mind. It taps into that sense of urgency that says more more more. I don’t want more. I want less I want quiet and I want to be. Thank you for sharing this timely article. I love your dogs they are so cute. 🥰
I crossed the threshold of my 50s last year and resonate with so much of this - it seems to be one of the central challenges/learnings of midlife. The body won't put up with us living out of alignment with its needs any more and starts to shout more loudly until we pay attention 😀
Exactly that Vicki! I wish it wouldn't shout so loudly sometimes but I suppose it feels it must : ) happy journeying into your 50s - I'm kinda looking forward to it!
I was a doer with many to do lists so I can relate to just about every sentence you wrote.
Part of me is still a doer. IFS helped me so much to see that that part has a ‘raison d’être ‘ . But I now choose much more carefully what I do.
I have a few non negotiables: it has to be fun, it needs to please and nurture me, it needs to be a hell yes, I need to have the energy for it and I no longer want to do more than one big thing (like a dinner, or a theatre, or meeting a friend) week.
So far it has served me well.
Also, what I realise is that, even when I don’t feel like I’ve done much, I’m still, in the eyes of others, doing A LOT 🥳
What beautiful reflections. I burned out while pushing too hard, and am now learning to go gently. It goes against all the beliefs I've picked up over time: that I need to push, hustle or 'make' things happen. I too am learning to trust in a bigger, more intelligent force (God, to me), to return to center when I feel off rather than push ahead, and to arrange my schedule around breaks, rest and stillness. A different way of life for sure, but much more meaningful, pleasurable and healthy!
Thank you Suzanne. Sounds like we've got some conditioning in common! I'm reading Tosha Silver at the moment and finding her excellent at helping me get back to exactly what you describe - whatever name we give it - so glad you're on the journey. Great to have you here.
Oh I loved to read this, best substack read today thank you !
Firstly you made me laugh when you said you had- great satisfaction of getting lots of stuff done. I was thinking- I could do with some of that as my to do list follows me around unloved when I have time of my hands I have noticed
Then you wrote - In IFS they say, ‘to go fast, we go slow’ - we always move at the pace of the slowest, most reluctant part of us.’
I hadn’t thought of that but it makes sense but now I wonder my slowest part is extremely slow and stops me doing the things I love sometimes. I am waiting to get into IFS training and this makes me even keener to learn more.
So a lot of ponder thank you 🙏🏻
Also interested in the meditation link you shared - thanks everyone so much
I feel such resonance with this piece. I am a habitual task master and it takes deliberate self reflection to realize I need to put some things down. I think it’s the dopamine hits I get when I sign up for the things, take on the tasks, make the lists. And the checking things off the list? HUGE satisfaction.
I’m learning, though, that beneath the surface of all that achieving lies a tired little girl who is trying to prove herself to so many. And for what? It’s only when I slow down and remove things from the “to-dos” that I can calm that sweet girl down and give her what she really needs. Attention.
Stirring in me is the adaptability of gentleness. And how to honor rather than repress my efforts at doing so much as a vehicle to learn to go at the right tempo.
I love this Jiva - honouring effort is always so helpful to our parts - and repressing isn't the answer : ) And 'the adaptability of gentleness' sounds like a good literary fiction book... good to have you here, welcome.
“It is counter-cultural, though, and it’s not easy to swim against the stream.” 🐟 🐟 Yes! It is difficult and so necessary. I do it for the children inside: for myself, those around me, and the children with whom I share my home. No to the predatory (mental) machines. Yes the earth’s rhythms 🦋🌱🧜♀️ Also: **raises hand to procrastinaty parts** to-do lists are one big (challenging) cauldron of fire for these parts! Go gently indeed 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Love this Kara. The predatory mental machines - yes - and all the systems that instill them into us... sending extra love to your procrastinatey parts ; )
Satya, this resonated with me on SO many levels! I'm a fellow recovering overachiever and people-pleaser, and reading your story felt like looking in a mirror. The constant hum of strain, the internal voices pushing for more, the gradual realization that gentleness is the way forward... it's all so familiar. Thank you for sharing your journey with such honesty and humor. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.
I relate to all of this so much! Finding 12-step community changed so many things for me. And though I had been casually meditating for awhile, I have become drawn to Buddhism and have plans to check out a few different sanghas in my area and go deeper into things.
So glad to hear that 12 steps were so helpful for you Sara - they totally changed me. Enjoy your explorations into Buddhism - there are so many different schools and teachings - may you find the right one for you.
It’s amazing to me how strong my resistance is to the “procrastiney parts”—I’ve been having a massive slow down, I can easily see the reasons, but I panic and judge myself for it. I can feel gentleness feeling good (when little else does) yet I still distrust it, distrust myself. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Sending care to the resistance parts, the panicking ones, the judging ones, the distrusting ones & all the others : ) How hard we humans work to stay in balance... Thank you for being here Janine.
Yup. I’m turning 70 next year. My internal children cry, when will it be my turn, you promised me a rose garden. Giant zinnias, wisteria, magnolias, all manner of flowering beauty on offer in my garden, but no roses. Hope is rarely where you expect it to be.
Yes, yes, yes. I also 'run at a lower, gentler hum' and everything in my life, from my health to my finances to motherhood, is better for it. Leaving the Getting Lots of Stuff Done mentality is harder than it sounds; but just makes all the stuff better. Thank you for sharing this, loved it.
Hi Isabel lovely to meet you. So glad you're settling into that new pace - and yes, SO hard - the opposite is everywhere! Have a good day x
I was 50 this year. I long for slowness. I am currently deciding if I should take a social media break because that place blows my mind. It taps into that sense of urgency that says more more more. I don’t want more. I want less I want quiet and I want to be. Thank you for sharing this timely article. I love your dogs they are so cute. 🥰
Social media is the strong stuff! Good luck with your thinking about it. A pleasure - and I'm glad you agree - they think so too ; )
I crossed the threshold of my 50s last year and resonate with so much of this - it seems to be one of the central challenges/learnings of midlife. The body won't put up with us living out of alignment with its needs any more and starts to shout more loudly until we pay attention 😀
Exactly that Vicki! I wish it wouldn't shout so loudly sometimes but I suppose it feels it must : ) happy journeying into your 50s - I'm kinda looking forward to it!
I was a doer with many to do lists so I can relate to just about every sentence you wrote.
Part of me is still a doer. IFS helped me so much to see that that part has a ‘raison d’être ‘ . But I now choose much more carefully what I do.
I have a few non negotiables: it has to be fun, it needs to please and nurture me, it needs to be a hell yes, I need to have the energy for it and I no longer want to do more than one big thing (like a dinner, or a theatre, or meeting a friend) week.
So far it has served me well.
Also, what I realise is that, even when I don’t feel like I’ve done much, I’m still, in the eyes of others, doing A LOT 🥳
What beautiful reflections. I burned out while pushing too hard, and am now learning to go gently. It goes against all the beliefs I've picked up over time: that I need to push, hustle or 'make' things happen. I too am learning to trust in a bigger, more intelligent force (God, to me), to return to center when I feel off rather than push ahead, and to arrange my schedule around breaks, rest and stillness. A different way of life for sure, but much more meaningful, pleasurable and healthy!
Thank you Suzanne. Sounds like we've got some conditioning in common! I'm reading Tosha Silver at the moment and finding her excellent at helping me get back to exactly what you describe - whatever name we give it - so glad you're on the journey. Great to have you here.
Oh I loved to read this, best substack read today thank you !
Firstly you made me laugh when you said you had- great satisfaction of getting lots of stuff done. I was thinking- I could do with some of that as my to do list follows me around unloved when I have time of my hands I have noticed
Then you wrote - In IFS they say, ‘to go fast, we go slow’ - we always move at the pace of the slowest, most reluctant part of us.’
I hadn’t thought of that but it makes sense but now I wonder my slowest part is extremely slow and stops me doing the things I love sometimes. I am waiting to get into IFS training and this makes me even keener to learn more.
So a lot of ponder thank you 🙏🏻
Also interested in the meditation link you shared - thanks everyone so much
I'm so glad. Thanks for being here! & happy adventuring with IFS... changed my life.
Thank you for this. It's exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.
I am SO glad to hear this Anthony.
I feel such resonance with this piece. I am a habitual task master and it takes deliberate self reflection to realize I need to put some things down. I think it’s the dopamine hits I get when I sign up for the things, take on the tasks, make the lists. And the checking things off the list? HUGE satisfaction.
I’m learning, though, that beneath the surface of all that achieving lies a tired little girl who is trying to prove herself to so many. And for what? It’s only when I slow down and remove things from the “to-dos” that I can calm that sweet girl down and give her what she really needs. Attention.
Thanks for the reminders to move gently today. ❤️
Yes! Dopamine! I love your description of your sweet girl... so tender. So good to have you here Allison x
Great piece thank you 🙏
Stirring in me is the adaptability of gentleness. And how to honor rather than repress my efforts at doing so much as a vehicle to learn to go at the right tempo.
I love this Jiva - honouring effort is always so helpful to our parts - and repressing isn't the answer : ) And 'the adaptability of gentleness' sounds like a good literary fiction book... good to have you here, welcome.
Beautifully said Satya. This year is 77 for me and I am just now learning what self care means.
It’s arrived late but I continue to find my middle path. I thank you and all that have helped me along the way. Love and light. 🙏🪷
I think it often arrives late - and better late than next lifetime! Thank you - always good to hear from you here 🤍
“It is counter-cultural, though, and it’s not easy to swim against the stream.” 🐟 🐟 Yes! It is difficult and so necessary. I do it for the children inside: for myself, those around me, and the children with whom I share my home. No to the predatory (mental) machines. Yes the earth’s rhythms 🦋🌱🧜♀️ Also: **raises hand to procrastinaty parts** to-do lists are one big (challenging) cauldron of fire for these parts! Go gently indeed 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Love this Kara. The predatory mental machines - yes - and all the systems that instill them into us... sending extra love to your procrastinatey parts ; )
Thank youuuuu! wrapping myself in the extra love 🌱👯♀️⭐️
Satya, this resonated with me on SO many levels! I'm a fellow recovering overachiever and people-pleaser, and reading your story felt like looking in a mirror. The constant hum of strain, the internal voices pushing for more, the gradual realization that gentleness is the way forward... it's all so familiar. Thank you for sharing your journey with such honesty and humor. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.
So glad to hear about the resonance Alexander. It's good to not be alone, isn't it? There are many of us! And there is another way : )
I relate to all of this so much! Finding 12-step community changed so many things for me. And though I had been casually meditating for awhile, I have become drawn to Buddhism and have plans to check out a few different sanghas in my area and go deeper into things.
So glad to hear that 12 steps were so helpful for you Sara - they totally changed me. Enjoy your explorations into Buddhism - there are so many different schools and teachings - may you find the right one for you.
It’s amazing to me how strong my resistance is to the “procrastiney parts”—I’ve been having a massive slow down, I can easily see the reasons, but I panic and judge myself for it. I can feel gentleness feeling good (when little else does) yet I still distrust it, distrust myself. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Sending care to the resistance parts, the panicking ones, the judging ones, the distrusting ones & all the others : ) How hard we humans work to stay in balance... Thank you for being here Janine.
WOW 🤯
AMAZING how you just described the past several years of my life!
“Acknowledging how hard my self-protective parts are working for me, even if they're causing chaos.”
Guess I should start thanking them more and whining about them less 🫢😂
Such a GREAT piece, thank you for sharing it with us. 🙂
Glad it resonated Teresa - and glad that you've been on (and are on) a similar journey. We can spread the Gentleness Good News together!
Yup. I’m turning 70 next year. My internal children cry, when will it be my turn, you promised me a rose garden. Giant zinnias, wisteria, magnolias, all manner of flowering beauty on offer in my garden, but no roses. Hope is rarely where you expect it to be.
Those flowers sound beautiful. Maybe there are some internal roses growing too, just ready to bloom...
My middle name is Rose. 😉