This is such an interesting topic. Some years ago I worked as an artist and chronically undercharged for my paintings, which led me to making no money. There is so much emotion/psychology around money - class, location, culture, social environment. I'm now keen to try again at the professional creative path, and I have been doing some personal development work around money mindset. I think it's important to be valued for the time, skills and work you do. And you give back through your temple work. People who want to help others and give tend to struggle with charging higher rates for what they offer, because it feels like a gift to the world. But if we are stressed and struggling financially, it's hard to give much back in terms of time and energy. Really love finding your page and I look forward to reading your other essays.
I grew up thinking I only needed a roof over my head, food, books (best if used), and maybe love. I lived ascetically as a single person and frugally as a young mom. All I had was a used car, a roof over my head (rented), food (often from a food bank or food stamps), and a husband who loved me in his own way. People looked at me in wonder, I had the minimum but I practiced gratitude and felt blessed. At this level of survival, there were no extras: no yoga classes, therapy, or new clothes. This many years later, I have realized there is more to life than survival and, rather than defining "need" as what is necessary to "flourish" ( a word I still grapple with), I've settled on it meaning what is necessary for me to fulfill my commitments: these include good health, personal growth, professional development, healthy relationships, and even joy. I have realized that the more I give myself, the more I have to give others.
This has really made me think and there is a knock on effect to our choices. If we charge more we can afford to pay others more, who can then afford to pay our fees…… I’m a school science technician which is a way lower wage than the “poor” teachers I work with and a little bit higher than the cleaners. My pay no way values the work I do but I really enjoy my job. It’s not “enough” by definition of the government as I get tax credits too. I can’t afford to subscribe to paying substacks which I would love to do as I value their time. I love the model Sarah Bessey has where there is a fee but if you email they will
always give you free access for a year. This is subsidised by others who want to gift a subscription. I do love my life, my husband is a youth worker who is on minimum wage in order to do the work he loves and according to feedback is changing lives everyday. By Gods grace and other peoples generosity we are able to live a wonderful life on a low income and it is our choice. However i think if we were paid more fairly, we could spread this further and give others more choice to do this too.
I love this and look forward to having some time to read through the comments as well. I’m a long time Personal Trainer + Yoga Instructor. It’s taken me a very long time to value myself and to reflect that through what I charge. I know how valuable my own time is … and how much time I’ve put into learning and studying what I offer. The older I get, the truer that is because ultimately I’m trading my time for money.
I can speak to fees or charging people. But the question, "What do I need to flourish?" Hit home for me. As a teacher, I don't make much, but years of living at the poverty level and raising kids have conditioned me to not spend money on myself. Even though I'm now single and the kids are grown I tend to deny myself bigger purchases. My one word for this year is "Bloom" and that includes upgrading my 10-year-old wardrobe, buying a new to-me car, and getting myself a pretty ring for Valentine's Day. I'm starting to believe that I deserve to have nice things to help me "flourish" as you said.
I could never reconcile charging for therapy and running it as a business. Never sat right with me, so I got another job after years of doing therapy for free and some of it at low cost only. The best I felt was when I sat with others without charging them. It’s a tough one. I know many struggle with it.
I think you have just read the contents of my mind! I've been practicing for 23 years and I see newly qualified psychologists charging way more than me. It's a big internal struggle.... I would like a more financially abundant life, but I don't want to alienate lower income clients. I don't want to only work with the lawyers and doctors. I notice male colleagues in particular charge a lot and women tend to undervalue themselves. I like the idea of looking at all of this through the IFS parts lens. Thank you for this food for thought 😊🙏
Thank you for this wonderfully honest and vulnerable sharing, Satya. I have also been in a deep inquiry about my relationship with money over the last couple of decades. It is such a rich (no pun intended!) place to explore... so many small parts of ourself often got wounded around value and money, and as a whole our mainstream culture has a very dysfunctional relationship with money.
I love your question: What do I need to flourish? I'm going to sit with that one. And it reminds me of one of my all-time favorite quotes from Rob Brezsny: “You can have anything you want if you’ll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.”
Thank you so much for this I important piece of writing. I have incredibly deep-seated issues around money. My dad was a hard-working painting contractor and kept his photography hobby very much on the side. When we were kids Dad would get frustrated with my siblings and me if we were not constantly doing something "productive" - looking after the house, watering the garden, preparing meals. So now, as a writer and photographer, I constantly hear his voice in my head, telling me to do something worthwhile rather than just indulging in my hobbies. I'm hugely blocked around charging money for things that I'd do even if I wasn't getting paid. But yes, the question of need... I need to share my writing and photography with the world. I also need to eat 😊. Thank you so much for your honest reflections. 🙏
I really loved this. I've often struggled to balance the minimal "I don't need anything" approach to life with the rich joy that can sometimes come from "more". I love the way you frame it, what will allow you to flourish and ultimately to be able to pour more love, peace and kindness back out into the world.
I am somehow comforted by all of these comments - I see I have lots of company in these struggles. It is so difficult to come to some settled place. I want to say "comfortable" place, but I'm not sure that exists. I do maintain a very generous sliding scale - and even so I know that for some people my lowest price point is very difficult. And I notice that what people choose to pay seems somewhat distinct from their resources. And if I charge more I feel selfish. And if I charge less I feel I am being taken advantage of. I spend quite a bit of energy trying to figure out a compromise I can live with.
Money is challenging. I grew up hating it as it was all around me. I saw those who had it as false and the rewards not that enticing. So I have chosen in many silly ways to stay much poorer than I could have been. It is only since I got married a couple of years ago I truly saw the folly of my ways and now trying to fix it! I need far less than I thought I did it turns out, but still need more to flourish than I have. It will be interesting process balancing it all as I learn my new money mindset of living within my means.
Therapists are doing God's work in today's crazy world so you should get paid an excellent wage! I planned to be one myself but changed my course to education in grad school based on an internship in college where I got a feel for the daily grind of social work - and decided it was not for me. I wonder is your reluctance to raise your fees - not just Buddhist spiritual leanings but maybe the class structure in UK that seeks to keep everyone in their socioeconomic place? We have a class structure here in the USA too, but are much less honest about it - with our mythology of the American Dream BS.
What I always feel is missing in these conversations is what our clients can afford. It's one thing to say I need $___ in order to flourish and do my best work and I find that is the barrier most people talk about in these conversations. But what about delivering services that can be accessed by the clients who need them? I find that no matter how much I feel I deserve to be paid well, I can't just look away from their needs. When you say you negotiated that with existing clients that couldn't pay, did you offer to keep them at existing rates if that's all they could pay? Or did you refer them to colleagues who are charging less? (And are those therapists not "worth" as much? If we're off-loading our lower paying clients onto them, aren't they subsidizing our thriving?)
I don't ask these questions condescendingly or as a criticism, they are things I'm grappling with, heavily, and I just haven't found any answers that are satisfying.
This is such an interesting topic. Some years ago I worked as an artist and chronically undercharged for my paintings, which led me to making no money. There is so much emotion/psychology around money - class, location, culture, social environment. I'm now keen to try again at the professional creative path, and I have been doing some personal development work around money mindset. I think it's important to be valued for the time, skills and work you do. And you give back through your temple work. People who want to help others and give tend to struggle with charging higher rates for what they offer, because it feels like a gift to the world. But if we are stressed and struggling financially, it's hard to give much back in terms of time and energy. Really love finding your page and I look forward to reading your other essays.
Thank you 😊
I grew up thinking I only needed a roof over my head, food, books (best if used), and maybe love. I lived ascetically as a single person and frugally as a young mom. All I had was a used car, a roof over my head (rented), food (often from a food bank or food stamps), and a husband who loved me in his own way. People looked at me in wonder, I had the minimum but I practiced gratitude and felt blessed. At this level of survival, there were no extras: no yoga classes, therapy, or new clothes. This many years later, I have realized there is more to life than survival and, rather than defining "need" as what is necessary to "flourish" ( a word I still grapple with), I've settled on it meaning what is necessary for me to fulfill my commitments: these include good health, personal growth, professional development, healthy relationships, and even joy. I have realized that the more I give myself, the more I have to give others.
This has really made me think and there is a knock on effect to our choices. If we charge more we can afford to pay others more, who can then afford to pay our fees…… I’m a school science technician which is a way lower wage than the “poor” teachers I work with and a little bit higher than the cleaners. My pay no way values the work I do but I really enjoy my job. It’s not “enough” by definition of the government as I get tax credits too. I can’t afford to subscribe to paying substacks which I would love to do as I value their time. I love the model Sarah Bessey has where there is a fee but if you email they will
always give you free access for a year. This is subsidised by others who want to gift a subscription. I do love my life, my husband is a youth worker who is on minimum wage in order to do the work he loves and according to feedback is changing lives everyday. By Gods grace and other peoples generosity we are able to live a wonderful life on a low income and it is our choice. However i think if we were paid more fairly, we could spread this further and give others more choice to do this too.
I love this and look forward to having some time to read through the comments as well. I’m a long time Personal Trainer + Yoga Instructor. It’s taken me a very long time to value myself and to reflect that through what I charge. I know how valuable my own time is … and how much time I’ve put into learning and studying what I offer. The older I get, the truer that is because ultimately I’m trading my time for money.
I can speak to fees or charging people. But the question, "What do I need to flourish?" Hit home for me. As a teacher, I don't make much, but years of living at the poverty level and raising kids have conditioned me to not spend money on myself. Even though I'm now single and the kids are grown I tend to deny myself bigger purchases. My one word for this year is "Bloom" and that includes upgrading my 10-year-old wardrobe, buying a new to-me car, and getting myself a pretty ring for Valentine's Day. I'm starting to believe that I deserve to have nice things to help me "flourish" as you said.
I could never reconcile charging for therapy and running it as a business. Never sat right with me, so I got another job after years of doing therapy for free and some of it at low cost only. The best I felt was when I sat with others without charging them. It’s a tough one. I know many struggle with it.
I think you have just read the contents of my mind! I've been practicing for 23 years and I see newly qualified psychologists charging way more than me. It's a big internal struggle.... I would like a more financially abundant life, but I don't want to alienate lower income clients. I don't want to only work with the lawyers and doctors. I notice male colleagues in particular charge a lot and women tend to undervalue themselves. I like the idea of looking at all of this through the IFS parts lens. Thank you for this food for thought 😊🙏
This was so closely tied to my own journey with fees as a psychotherapisf. I felt it all. Thank you.
Thank you for this wonderfully honest and vulnerable sharing, Satya. I have also been in a deep inquiry about my relationship with money over the last couple of decades. It is such a rich (no pun intended!) place to explore... so many small parts of ourself often got wounded around value and money, and as a whole our mainstream culture has a very dysfunctional relationship with money.
I love your question: What do I need to flourish? I'm going to sit with that one. And it reminds me of one of my all-time favorite quotes from Rob Brezsny: “You can have anything you want if you’ll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.”
Thank you so much for this I important piece of writing. I have incredibly deep-seated issues around money. My dad was a hard-working painting contractor and kept his photography hobby very much on the side. When we were kids Dad would get frustrated with my siblings and me if we were not constantly doing something "productive" - looking after the house, watering the garden, preparing meals. So now, as a writer and photographer, I constantly hear his voice in my head, telling me to do something worthwhile rather than just indulging in my hobbies. I'm hugely blocked around charging money for things that I'd do even if I wasn't getting paid. But yes, the question of need... I need to share my writing and photography with the world. I also need to eat 😊. Thank you so much for your honest reflections. 🙏
I really loved this. I've often struggled to balance the minimal "I don't need anything" approach to life with the rich joy that can sometimes come from "more". I love the way you frame it, what will allow you to flourish and ultimately to be able to pour more love, peace and kindness back out into the world.
I am somehow comforted by all of these comments - I see I have lots of company in these struggles. It is so difficult to come to some settled place. I want to say "comfortable" place, but I'm not sure that exists. I do maintain a very generous sliding scale - and even so I know that for some people my lowest price point is very difficult. And I notice that what people choose to pay seems somewhat distinct from their resources. And if I charge more I feel selfish. And if I charge less I feel I am being taken advantage of. I spend quite a bit of energy trying to figure out a compromise I can live with.
Money is challenging. I grew up hating it as it was all around me. I saw those who had it as false and the rewards not that enticing. So I have chosen in many silly ways to stay much poorer than I could have been. It is only since I got married a couple of years ago I truly saw the folly of my ways and now trying to fix it! I need far less than I thought I did it turns out, but still need more to flourish than I have. It will be interesting process balancing it all as I learn my new money mindset of living within my means.
Therapists are doing God's work in today's crazy world so you should get paid an excellent wage! I planned to be one myself but changed my course to education in grad school based on an internship in college where I got a feel for the daily grind of social work - and decided it was not for me. I wonder is your reluctance to raise your fees - not just Buddhist spiritual leanings but maybe the class structure in UK that seeks to keep everyone in their socioeconomic place? We have a class structure here in the USA too, but are much less honest about it - with our mythology of the American Dream BS.
What I always feel is missing in these conversations is what our clients can afford. It's one thing to say I need $___ in order to flourish and do my best work and I find that is the barrier most people talk about in these conversations. But what about delivering services that can be accessed by the clients who need them? I find that no matter how much I feel I deserve to be paid well, I can't just look away from their needs. When you say you negotiated that with existing clients that couldn't pay, did you offer to keep them at existing rates if that's all they could pay? Or did you refer them to colleagues who are charging less? (And are those therapists not "worth" as much? If we're off-loading our lower paying clients onto them, aren't they subsidizing our thriving?)
I don't ask these questions condescendingly or as a criticism, they are things I'm grappling with, heavily, and I just haven't found any answers that are satisfying.