ooh. I so relate to the 'judgey' part of me. I want her to go away. I have been working hard to banish her. Every time I get a hint of 'judgey-ness' in me, I flip the script and find something lovely about the person. Whether it is the colour of their toe-nail polish or their smile. It takes practise.
Welcome Kim! It makes total sense that you would want her to go away... I wonder if there's a way to get to know her instead, and uncover her positive intention for you? Parts of you might not believe there is one, but I've never yet met a part that didn't have some kind of positive intention for us... sending good wishes to the judgey part and to all the parts of you that want her to go away!
I often think of my judgments of others act as mirrors, reflecting my inner self. When I form specific judgments about someone, it seems that if I delve deep enough, I can uncover something within myself that resonates powerfully with that particular judgment. However, my challenge often concerns managing the accompanying feelings of shame with the thoughts though.
Welcome Ejuin! Yes, makes total sense. And thanks for bringing up the shame - I think judging and shame have lots of close links - I often judge others to avoid feeling shame, and so I need to go gently and be respectful of the protective parts of me and step back when the shame feels uncomfortable... SUCH a powerful emotion and I think most of us would do almost anything to avoid feeling it. Good luck with your investigations, they sound brave & beautiful.
This is definitely a lesson I'm still learning. As much as I try to be open minded I sometimes find myself making judgements and, while I know on second thought that they aren't really what I believe, it's hard to let go of them until I consider that maybe the root of that judgement is actually toward myself first.
The visual’s (our shadow) you share with us will provide a helpful reminder when I catch myself judging someone or something. I have been SO wrong more than once. Love & light to all. ❤️🙏
Satya, another moving piece! I’ve been thinking about how I judge those I love most far harsher than anyone else. I assume it stems from that love and fear. I’m working on it 😊
Yes interesting question. Sometimes I think it's because I know my spouse isn't going to run away... but as you say, it's also where the Big Stuff comes out in the relationship dynamics...
I'm not a religious person, but we've been told "judge not, lest we be judged" for a long time, but it seems to be part of the culture in the west at least. It's something we all need to watch, if we want to avoid it. Would social media be popular if it didn't permit easy judgment of others? I doubt it.
PS I love that you used the VR console. Perfect resolution. And enjoy your Buddha. I got judgey over that, but my bike cost as much and it makes me happy. So if your Buddha makes you happy, who am I to judge?
Yes I wonder if judging is linked with individualism/capitalism... (on my course with Bayo Akomolafe this weekend he said that 'the fetish of whiteness(/neoliberalism etc) is individualism' - I was interested in that) - we're certainly experts at it on social media, general media etc - but also not wanting to throw the 'discernment' baby out with the bathwater. And I have a part that liked that you got judgey over my Buddha to start with - a kind of 'takes perverse pleasure in other people disapproving' part hehe. Always so lovely to have you here Thomas.
This made me cry. I love you, Satya. X
Aw. Back at ya!
thank you Satya. one day at a time <3
Always!
ooh. I so relate to the 'judgey' part of me. I want her to go away. I have been working hard to banish her. Every time I get a hint of 'judgey-ness' in me, I flip the script and find something lovely about the person. Whether it is the colour of their toe-nail polish or their smile. It takes practise.
Welcome Kim! It makes total sense that you would want her to go away... I wonder if there's a way to get to know her instead, and uncover her positive intention for you? Parts of you might not believe there is one, but I've never yet met a part that didn't have some kind of positive intention for us... sending good wishes to the judgey part and to all the parts of you that want her to go away!
I often think of my judgments of others act as mirrors, reflecting my inner self. When I form specific judgments about someone, it seems that if I delve deep enough, I can uncover something within myself that resonates powerfully with that particular judgment. However, my challenge often concerns managing the accompanying feelings of shame with the thoughts though.
Welcome Ejuin! Yes, makes total sense. And thanks for bringing up the shame - I think judging and shame have lots of close links - I often judge others to avoid feeling shame, and so I need to go gently and be respectful of the protective parts of me and step back when the shame feels uncomfortable... SUCH a powerful emotion and I think most of us would do almost anything to avoid feeling it. Good luck with your investigations, they sound brave & beautiful.
This is definitely a lesson I'm still learning. As much as I try to be open minded I sometimes find myself making judgements and, while I know on second thought that they aren't really what I believe, it's hard to let go of them until I consider that maybe the root of that judgement is actually toward myself first.
If it helps, I don't know anyone who isn't still learning, but lots of people who haven't even begun.... 😉 go gently x
The visual’s (our shadow) you share with us will provide a helpful reminder when I catch myself judging someone or something. I have been SO wrong more than once. Love & light to all. ❤️🙏
You me and everyone!
Beautiful word. Thank you.
Thank you - welcome Nat.
Satya, another moving piece! I’ve been thinking about how I judge those I love most far harsher than anyone else. I assume it stems from that love and fear. I’m working on it 😊
Yes interesting question. Sometimes I think it's because I know my spouse isn't going to run away... but as you say, it's also where the Big Stuff comes out in the relationship dynamics...
This was great, Satya.
🙏🏻
Thank you for your beautiful and clear wisdom Satya. You are good medicine for my soul.
Really thought-provoking, Satya. Thank you. (And I’ve asked my eldest if I can use his VR to go to Costa Rica.)
Hehe! Let me know if you have a go! (silly video optional)
you reflect my experience (and speak of it more eloquently and wisely), as you so often do; thank you! xx
I'm not a religious person, but we've been told "judge not, lest we be judged" for a long time, but it seems to be part of the culture in the west at least. It's something we all need to watch, if we want to avoid it. Would social media be popular if it didn't permit easy judgment of others? I doubt it.
PS I love that you used the VR console. Perfect resolution. And enjoy your Buddha. I got judgey over that, but my bike cost as much and it makes me happy. So if your Buddha makes you happy, who am I to judge?
Yes I wonder if judging is linked with individualism/capitalism... (on my course with Bayo Akomolafe this weekend he said that 'the fetish of whiteness(/neoliberalism etc) is individualism' - I was interested in that) - we're certainly experts at it on social media, general media etc - but also not wanting to throw the 'discernment' baby out with the bathwater. And I have a part that liked that you got judgey over my Buddha to start with - a kind of 'takes perverse pleasure in other people disapproving' part hehe. Always so lovely to have you here Thomas.
Oh how this piece hit home in so many crazy ways. Thank you.
Welcome Peggy! So happy to hear about your experience of IFS. Yes, it works so well both inside and outside!