Emotional First Aid

Allow, acknowledge, affirm

Photo by Khyta

This week has been a tough week for millions of folk across America and around the world (and, of course, a victorious one for many others). I have cried my tears, felt my despair, scrolled endlessly on social media and watched lots of The Dog House (where rescue dogs are matched with humans who have also had a tough time, and they all live happily ever after).

And so, my scheduled piece on Self-energy will be going out next Tuesday instead. Today I wanted to offer an IFS-informed acronym for anyone who is also feeling battered, furious, disassociated, exhausted, frightened, grieving or any of the other entirely appropriate emotions that may be roiling away inside.

Here it is: short, sweet, and infused with so much love.

🤍 Allow. I find that we can trust our systems to keep us steady in the best possible way. This may include all kinds of different strategies - distracting ourselves with food or exercise or work, getting angry at our spouses, crying at programmes about rescue dogs, forgetting things, getting physically ill… It’s all valid! Notice when you are judging yourself, and welcome that that too. Allow whatever wants to arise to arise¹. The keyword here is PERMISSION.

🤍 Acknowledge. Greet anything that enters you or arises within you and let it know that you see it. Edges of grief - I see you. Mean thoughts about your neighbour - hello. Total mess of conflicting thoughts and urges and impulses - welcome to the party. Your thoughts and feelings may also feel acknowledged when you read what others are experiencing, or you are listened to by someone who knows how to listen. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, see if you can ask whatever it is to step back a teensy bit so you can see it and acknowledge it - then it won’t be alone.

🤍 Affirm. Whether or not it makes sense to you at this time, there will be an excellent reason for whatever is present in you. If you feel totally numb you may feel guilty or ‘broken’ for not feeling what others are feeling - it is also possible that a numbing part has come in to keep you from being overwhelmed. If you feel a frisson of delight and then judge yourself for that, it’s okay - the delight will have a good reason for being there, as does the part that is judging. If your feelings are unexpectedly intense they will be tapping into childhood wounding or simply appropriate for the situation at hand. In my thirty years of being a therapist I have never encountered a thought or feeling that didn’t make total sense once we explored it. You can literally say this to yourself: ‘intense grief - it makes total sense that you are here.’

These steps may need to be repeated for hours, days, weeks or decades - but they will help you feel better - I promise.

Once you ARE feeling more steady, there are two more optional steps - find don’t-know mind, and take some appropriate action. Maybe I’ll say more about those another day.

For now, go SO gently - and know that the ocean of light is always bigger.

With love,
Satya <3

I saw also that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love, which flowed over the ocean of darkness.

~ George Fox

1. If these things are dangerous, e.g. if you’re craving something you’re sober from, you can welcome the impulse to do that thing without doing it - and then get to a meeting or put some other support in place so you can find alternative outlets for these impulses.