Awhile back I was pushing myself way too hard in a arts-based graduate program. Though none of us meant to, it became almost a contest to see who could spend the most time in the joint studio spaces. Not in competition but because we all legitimately loved what we were learning and wanted to soak up the skills and the limited time we had there.
Though I had learned a lot about my limits, I still had a ways to go and wasn't listening to my body or my head when it tried to tell me I needed to work at a different pace than these other folks. And I started to notice on my longest days, the days I came home only to let the dog out and eat dinner and then went back to the studio until 9 or 10, I'd lay my head down on the pillow, completely exhausted, really quite proud of the things I did that day, and admittedly at a place with my inner critic in which I was able to retain some objectivity with its criticisms, but it'd start in with the 'you're lazy. you didn't do enough' etc., round of admonishment.
And I just went like dude, what on earth? I did so much today! I don't understand.
When I finally, finally crashed, I mean, crashed and nearly dropped out of the program, spent months only being able to crochet neck gaiters and do the absolute minimum school-wise, it occurred to me, in its own backward way my inner critic was probably trying to tell me to slow down. 'You think you're lazy so you're pushing yourself too hard!' but it's not capable of expressing full thoughts. lol. I'm trying to listen more openly now.
Hello, Satya! Getting to know my inner critic some years ago was a turning point in my personal development journey. When I realized this part of me said everything critical before someone else could or did, I understood the goal was to protect me. Offering this part my love and my tenderness and my support has made it easier to take steps towards my goals as well as slowly dismantle my perfectionism. I enjoyed this post!
Hi Priya - ah, you've described that SO beautifully (and also pre-empted next week's post - good segue way!). I'm really happy to hear about your experience - on behalf of your hard-working inner critic, and on your behalf. Always lovely to have you here : )
Have made butterfly cakes for our Village Hall Centenary celebrations. They’re ok, took 2 1/2 hours & I’m shattered. Could be better, inner critic says. Good enough , the other. I’m settling for the latter 😏
I say, thank you Caroline's inner critic for trying to keep her safe, and also hurray for butterfly cakes (what a wonderful thing they are!) which I'm sure will go down VERY well. 😊
Awhile back I was pushing myself way too hard in a arts-based graduate program. Though none of us meant to, it became almost a contest to see who could spend the most time in the joint studio spaces. Not in competition but because we all legitimately loved what we were learning and wanted to soak up the skills and the limited time we had there.
Though I had learned a lot about my limits, I still had a ways to go and wasn't listening to my body or my head when it tried to tell me I needed to work at a different pace than these other folks. And I started to notice on my longest days, the days I came home only to let the dog out and eat dinner and then went back to the studio until 9 or 10, I'd lay my head down on the pillow, completely exhausted, really quite proud of the things I did that day, and admittedly at a place with my inner critic in which I was able to retain some objectivity with its criticisms, but it'd start in with the 'you're lazy. you didn't do enough' etc., round of admonishment.
And I just went like dude, what on earth? I did so much today! I don't understand.
When I finally, finally crashed, I mean, crashed and nearly dropped out of the program, spent months only being able to crochet neck gaiters and do the absolute minimum school-wise, it occurred to me, in its own backward way my inner critic was probably trying to tell me to slow down. 'You think you're lazy so you're pushing yourself too hard!' but it's not capable of expressing full thoughts. lol. I'm trying to listen more openly now.
Great insight Libby! Glad you found a way to slow down (or at least, that your system did!)
Hello, Satya! Getting to know my inner critic some years ago was a turning point in my personal development journey. When I realized this part of me said everything critical before someone else could or did, I understood the goal was to protect me. Offering this part my love and my tenderness and my support has made it easier to take steps towards my goals as well as slowly dismantle my perfectionism. I enjoyed this post!
Hi Priya - ah, you've described that SO beautifully (and also pre-empted next week's post - good segue way!). I'm really happy to hear about your experience - on behalf of your hard-working inner critic, and on your behalf. Always lovely to have you here : )
Have made butterfly cakes for our Village Hall Centenary celebrations. They’re ok, took 2 1/2 hours & I’m shattered. Could be better, inner critic says. Good enough , the other. I’m settling for the latter 😏
I say, thank you Caroline's inner critic for trying to keep her safe, and also hurray for butterfly cakes (what a wonderful thing they are!) which I'm sure will go down VERY well. 😊