"My hypothesis is that a lot of the people who troll activists or who yell at them on the streets are being driven by their fear and shame. They think that I’m judging them or telling them what to do, and so they subconsciously choose anger over feeling guilty about what they ‘should’ be doing differently. " -- 100% it's this. 100%.
I was drawn to this post because I have had a similar experience of listening really changing things for me. for about a year, my family's home was the victim of overnight vandalism (paintballs, eggs, frozen water bottles) likely because I had a black lives matter sign in front of my home. It was so hard. I was hurt, scared, and angry. After some time though, I got curious, I leaned into those questions, and found someone in this group to talk to. I was so grateful for that conversation because it gave me a new perspectives on the problems in my town (and eventually led me to run for state representative) but it also gave me a space for compassionate awareness for myself and others. Curiosity allowed me to replace fear of the unknown with an understanding that we are all tied together in the universal thread. Thanks for sharing, I'll make sure to follow and listen to more of your messages.
So sorry to hear about your experience Hannah - it sounds frightening - our homes should be our safe places... and amazing that you were able to open up new conversations as a result - I think that's really an 'advanced practice'!! We certainly are all tied together, beautifully put. Will be lovely to have you along & good to meet you - grateful for your service.
Thank you for your activism and your wise words. I've encountered similar reactions around smoking/drinking alcohol/eating meat. Abstaining from these is automatically felt and responded to as an attack on those who do these things, even if there is no such judgment on your part. The person is internally judging themselves and then lashing out. They then feel the need to double-down on their behaviour for some perverse reason. I'm currently debating 20mph speed limits with several men on facebook and attempting to remain civil. I try to find a point on which I can agree (such as children need to be taught road safety and there are too many bad/uninsured drivers) so we're not totally 'at odds'. I don't always have the mental and emotional resilience to do this so I agree with your point that sometimes you have to end the debate to protect you own psyche.
FWIW, several weeks ago I was enjoying your writing ... but once I realized you had committed to pray for the Earth every day, I was like WHERE DO I SUBSCRIBE?!
I just moved from Colorado back to Texas. And I’m heartsore for our Earth these days without having any language to shape this pain. Some times your writing helps me figure out what I’m feeling. As I speak to the trees scattered along the sidewalks in our new neighborhood, I reach out from my heart to connect with them, and I feel sadness in return.
The trees just have a heaviness ... and I tell them I’d like to lift it in my own small way. I don’t know why it’s different here... In the mountains it felt like the trees were living their best lives—all majestic and towering and solemn. Here, it feels like the trees carry a lot of underground or unspoken sorrow.
Anyways, I believe in your work and join your prayers. 🧡
I'm sure the trees are happy that you are listening to them - it would make sense that they would carry some of the heaviness of our industrial lives, both metaphysically and actually. So happy to have your support Amanda - I'll take you with me when I go and do my outside prayer today! 🙏🏻🌎
To answer your question, it's because people don't like being lectured to. To most people, a sign is not *activism,* it's a *lecture.* And lectures run the risk of evoking a "holier than thou" perception.
The Internet Age exacerbates every issue tenfold, which means activists have to work even harder to be humble, correct, and comprehensive.
Thanks Nadia I really appreciate your comment and it's stayed with me. I agree that it's important for activists to work at being those things, and I also want to allow activists to be human like everyone else, and to not be scared off that work because they're not living perfect lives - I'm certainly not and I don't know anyone who is. Am I lecturing folk? I'm sitting with that one. I DO think that things need to change, and although the big change needs to be systemic, there is an implied 'ask' as I sit there with my sign. I don't want to shame or blame, and, I am carrying a message... I'll continue to think about this.
Stay the course and know that you are loved by those who share your views and appreciate your bravery, Satya Robyn. I agree with your hypothesis: "...a lot of the people who troll activists or who yell at them on the streets are being driven by their fear and shame. They think that I’m judging them or telling them what to do, and so they subconsciously choose anger over feeling guilty about what they ‘should’ be doing differently." And, I think you are being generous. Regarding your questions: Yes, I've had experiences of people being upset with me for doing things that I believe in. I campaigned against Donald Trump and his slate in the 2016 and 2020 elections. I live in a "red" state that voted heavily for Trump and his minions. It was a rough experience. I lost some old friends who are Trump supporters. Like you, others view me as "weird." I believe they revealed themselves to be racists and misogynists through their support of Trump. The parts of them that were triggered were their narrow-minded views about women and non-white people. I kept going in the face of criticism by forming a group in my state that encourages civil dialogue between "reds" and "blues." It has been a learning experience. It has helped me to focus on the values we share and remember that most people are good. Sometimes I feel I am beating my head against a wall because we still have so many folks who are blindly supporting Trump despite his crimes being exposed. Still, I focus on what I am grateful for - that Biden was elected in 2020 and that we still have a democracy. I'll be working hard to keep Biden in office in 2024 and Trump out. I do the work not just for myself but for my daughter, my nieces, my nephews, and their future children. Keep being wonderfully "weird", Satya Robyn. You are raising awareness and making people stop and think. It is valuable work.
Thanks so much for sharing Judy & for your support. Very grateful for your work - it must be very hard when you are surrounded by people who see things SO very differently!!! I'm glad you're there & continuing - let's hope that democracy can continue...
“Forgiveness is the scent of the flower left on the heel that crushed it.” Your wisdom of setting boundaries when dialogue becomes useless is the only resource many of these folks leave us. Please remember there are a great many of us that love and respect your efforts - Mother Earth and all of us thank you. 🙏🪷
Such a beautiful quote. And yes, boundaries are so important - I see this more & more! It really makes a difference to know that folk like you are there with support & love 💚🙏🏻
I was just thinking earlier: it's almost like our national sport (here in the US) to argue, even when someone isn't really saying anything explicit: just make up a perspective for them and argue against it! Assume you know all you need to know about that person's situation, and dive right in.
So much gentle wisdom here, Satya. Thank you thank you! I especially like the "turnaround" advice and also the bit about imagining the person's other parts that we can't see at the moment they're reviling us. This is such wise policy for dealing with any kind of personal conflicts. I'm deeply happy you're doing this action (the Prayer for the Earth) and wish I lived in the UK so I could join you. You are a blessing to the Earth, my dear. ❤️🙏🏽
When I publish pieces that are about gender equality or the rights of transgender people (especially in sports) I get some very vehement comments in response. People get quite upset. I have to brace myself at first--even though it's all online, it feels a little like an assault. Pretty quickly I get curious--why do they feel so strongly about these issues? Strong enough to take the effort to find me and e-mail me. In one case, I got a letter in my campus mail box--just a photocopied article about how gender really is a binary. So someone took the time to copy that and send it to me. That whole string of behavior is baffling to me. I have to conclude that they are hurting in some deep way. But I still have no desire to engage with them.
It is a kind of assault! Sounds like you've had lots of practice with dealing with that fury - a hot topic!! - so grateful for your work in this area. We really need it. Yes, hurting deeply/defending something crucial to identity/avoiding shame... something big. And as Thomas said earlier, not our job to sort them out!! (I loved your book so much - will write properly about it soon!)
Satya, thank you for your insightful writing. You always make me ponder. In a good way. I am having to develop thicker skin and stay steady in my core. People pleasing in my case is a trauma response. Now, I am more compassionate to my self about it. I was out on Friday night at a pub, with people from my allotment, some new faces and some old. One new person started being rude about the fact that two of the women in the group rode bikes. Also was rude about the standard of driving in the city and the amount of traffic. Are you not also traffic I enquired? Bad move!!!
Like you say further down, sometimes people with entrenched opinions want to be heard, listened to. Sometimes there can even be an acknowledgement of the other side of the argument and sometimes people do change their minds - or thing about things differently, if listened deeply to. Not in this case and after more than half an hour of being asked aggressively what "I" was going to do about it I shut the discussion down.
In this climate crisis there is no "I", in community "we" have to change and that I fear will be the hardest part of it all.
Sorry to hear about your experience. Great that you are getting better at protecting yourself - it's not easy... and yes - we need 'we' but maybe some or most of us is better than a few... every person's changed heart counts :)
Thank you as always for your courage, your insights and your willingness to open up and show your human vulnerability. You inspire me to do more. A while back, when walking with others supporting local young people on a Fridays for a Future march through town, we had to cross a short bridge. Someone walking past on the other side, shouted across, "What about all the pollution you're causing holding up the traffic then?!" A part of me took comfort in the thought that, a few years ago, that person probably would not have associated idling engines with causing pollution. The message WAS getting through ...💚
Thank you for your candor. I deal with these issues on a regular basis as a psychotherapist. It’s part of the shadow side of the job. Not everyone is cut out to be a therapist or an activist. It’s hard work, but I’m pretty sure it’s worth it. As a result, I’m much quicker to see my own imperfections as I age. A sense of humor helps. I like your practical suggestions of basic self care. Developing daily routines have helped me immensely. I’m grateful there are people like you and Greta Thunberg and those who have been willing to do this kind of work throughout history to help make our world a better place for all.
Hi John, good to have you here. Yes, being quicker to see your imperfections - that sounds like my experience too - and yes to a sense of humour!! We need Gretas AND psychotherapists so thank you 🙏🏻
"My hypothesis is that a lot of the people who troll activists or who yell at them on the streets are being driven by their fear and shame. They think that I’m judging them or telling them what to do, and so they subconsciously choose anger over feeling guilty about what they ‘should’ be doing differently. " -- 100% it's this. 100%.
Thank you for doing what you're doing, love ❤️
So lovely to have you here Susannah 💚
And thank you. It's really my pleasure!
I was drawn to this post because I have had a similar experience of listening really changing things for me. for about a year, my family's home was the victim of overnight vandalism (paintballs, eggs, frozen water bottles) likely because I had a black lives matter sign in front of my home. It was so hard. I was hurt, scared, and angry. After some time though, I got curious, I leaned into those questions, and found someone in this group to talk to. I was so grateful for that conversation because it gave me a new perspectives on the problems in my town (and eventually led me to run for state representative) but it also gave me a space for compassionate awareness for myself and others. Curiosity allowed me to replace fear of the unknown with an understanding that we are all tied together in the universal thread. Thanks for sharing, I'll make sure to follow and listen to more of your messages.
So sorry to hear about your experience Hannah - it sounds frightening - our homes should be our safe places... and amazing that you were able to open up new conversations as a result - I think that's really an 'advanced practice'!! We certainly are all tied together, beautifully put. Will be lovely to have you along & good to meet you - grateful for your service.
Thank you for your activism and your wise words. I've encountered similar reactions around smoking/drinking alcohol/eating meat. Abstaining from these is automatically felt and responded to as an attack on those who do these things, even if there is no such judgment on your part. The person is internally judging themselves and then lashing out. They then feel the need to double-down on their behaviour for some perverse reason. I'm currently debating 20mph speed limits with several men on facebook and attempting to remain civil. I try to find a point on which I can agree (such as children need to be taught road safety and there are too many bad/uninsured drivers) so we're not totally 'at odds'. I don't always have the mental and emotional resilience to do this so I agree with your point that sometimes you have to end the debate to protect you own psyche.
Hi Jane - yes, me too totally! (I'm a strange non-drinking vegan). Good luck with your conversation - sounds CHALLENGING. Good to have you here.
FWIW, several weeks ago I was enjoying your writing ... but once I realized you had committed to pray for the Earth every day, I was like WHERE DO I SUBSCRIBE?!
I just moved from Colorado back to Texas. And I’m heartsore for our Earth these days without having any language to shape this pain. Some times your writing helps me figure out what I’m feeling. As I speak to the trees scattered along the sidewalks in our new neighborhood, I reach out from my heart to connect with them, and I feel sadness in return.
The trees just have a heaviness ... and I tell them I’d like to lift it in my own small way. I don’t know why it’s different here... In the mountains it felt like the trees were living their best lives—all majestic and towering and solemn. Here, it feels like the trees carry a lot of underground or unspoken sorrow.
Anyways, I believe in your work and join your prayers. 🧡
I'm sure the trees are happy that you are listening to them - it would make sense that they would carry some of the heaviness of our industrial lives, both metaphysically and actually. So happy to have your support Amanda - I'll take you with me when I go and do my outside prayer today! 🙏🏻🌎
To answer your question, it's because people don't like being lectured to. To most people, a sign is not *activism,* it's a *lecture.* And lectures run the risk of evoking a "holier than thou" perception.
The Internet Age exacerbates every issue tenfold, which means activists have to work even harder to be humble, correct, and comprehensive.
Thanks Nadia I really appreciate your comment and it's stayed with me. I agree that it's important for activists to work at being those things, and I also want to allow activists to be human like everyone else, and to not be scared off that work because they're not living perfect lives - I'm certainly not and I don't know anyone who is. Am I lecturing folk? I'm sitting with that one. I DO think that things need to change, and although the big change needs to be systemic, there is an implied 'ask' as I sit there with my sign. I don't want to shame or blame, and, I am carrying a message... I'll continue to think about this.
Stay the course and know that you are loved by those who share your views and appreciate your bravery, Satya Robyn. I agree with your hypothesis: "...a lot of the people who troll activists or who yell at them on the streets are being driven by their fear and shame. They think that I’m judging them or telling them what to do, and so they subconsciously choose anger over feeling guilty about what they ‘should’ be doing differently." And, I think you are being generous. Regarding your questions: Yes, I've had experiences of people being upset with me for doing things that I believe in. I campaigned against Donald Trump and his slate in the 2016 and 2020 elections. I live in a "red" state that voted heavily for Trump and his minions. It was a rough experience. I lost some old friends who are Trump supporters. Like you, others view me as "weird." I believe they revealed themselves to be racists and misogynists through their support of Trump. The parts of them that were triggered were their narrow-minded views about women and non-white people. I kept going in the face of criticism by forming a group in my state that encourages civil dialogue between "reds" and "blues." It has been a learning experience. It has helped me to focus on the values we share and remember that most people are good. Sometimes I feel I am beating my head against a wall because we still have so many folks who are blindly supporting Trump despite his crimes being exposed. Still, I focus on what I am grateful for - that Biden was elected in 2020 and that we still have a democracy. I'll be working hard to keep Biden in office in 2024 and Trump out. I do the work not just for myself but for my daughter, my nieces, my nephews, and their future children. Keep being wonderfully "weird", Satya Robyn. You are raising awareness and making people stop and think. It is valuable work.
Thanks so much for sharing Judy & for your support. Very grateful for your work - it must be very hard when you are surrounded by people who see things SO very differently!!! I'm glad you're there & continuing - let's hope that democracy can continue...
“Forgiveness is the scent of the flower left on the heel that crushed it.” Your wisdom of setting boundaries when dialogue becomes useless is the only resource many of these folks leave us. Please remember there are a great many of us that love and respect your efforts - Mother Earth and all of us thank you. 🙏🪷
Such a beautiful quote. And yes, boundaries are so important - I see this more & more! It really makes a difference to know that folk like you are there with support & love 💚🙏🏻
I was just thinking earlier: it's almost like our national sport (here in the US) to argue, even when someone isn't really saying anything explicit: just make up a perspective for them and argue against it! Assume you know all you need to know about that person's situation, and dive right in.
Pretty wild.
Yup!
So much gentle wisdom here, Satya. Thank you thank you! I especially like the "turnaround" advice and also the bit about imagining the person's other parts that we can't see at the moment they're reviling us. This is such wise policy for dealing with any kind of personal conflicts. I'm deeply happy you're doing this action (the Prayer for the Earth) and wish I lived in the UK so I could join you. You are a blessing to the Earth, my dear. ❤️🙏🏽
It would be SO lovely to sit with you in real life :) we'll have to make do with being there together in spirit!
When I publish pieces that are about gender equality or the rights of transgender people (especially in sports) I get some very vehement comments in response. People get quite upset. I have to brace myself at first--even though it's all online, it feels a little like an assault. Pretty quickly I get curious--why do they feel so strongly about these issues? Strong enough to take the effort to find me and e-mail me. In one case, I got a letter in my campus mail box--just a photocopied article about how gender really is a binary. So someone took the time to copy that and send it to me. That whole string of behavior is baffling to me. I have to conclude that they are hurting in some deep way. But I still have no desire to engage with them.
It is a kind of assault! Sounds like you've had lots of practice with dealing with that fury - a hot topic!! - so grateful for your work in this area. We really need it. Yes, hurting deeply/defending something crucial to identity/avoiding shame... something big. And as Thomas said earlier, not our job to sort them out!! (I loved your book so much - will write properly about it soon!)
No, not to sort them out, but it makes me feel better when I can think about how much pain they must be in.
Look forward to reading your write about FAIR GAME and so glad you loved it.
After reading your heart-touching post, these words from a chant, The Way of the Bodhisattva, came to mind. We are works in some kind of progress:
Whether those who encounter me
Conceive a faithful or an angry thought,
May that always become the source
For fulfilling all their wishes!
May all who say bad things to me
Or cause me any other harm,
And those who mock and insult me
Have the fortune to awaken fully!
This is beautiful - thank you Fran xx
I really admire what you're doing, Satya. You're outside your comfort zone, and doing it anyway.
I think you're right about shame and powerlessness. It's a feature, not a bug. I wrote about it here
https://johnlovie.substack.com/p/disinformation and here https://johnlovie.substack.com/p/denial-and-the-lizard-brain
Take good care.
Satya, thank you for your insightful writing. You always make me ponder. In a good way. I am having to develop thicker skin and stay steady in my core. People pleasing in my case is a trauma response. Now, I am more compassionate to my self about it. I was out on Friday night at a pub, with people from my allotment, some new faces and some old. One new person started being rude about the fact that two of the women in the group rode bikes. Also was rude about the standard of driving in the city and the amount of traffic. Are you not also traffic I enquired? Bad move!!!
Like you say further down, sometimes people with entrenched opinions want to be heard, listened to. Sometimes there can even be an acknowledgement of the other side of the argument and sometimes people do change their minds - or thing about things differently, if listened deeply to. Not in this case and after more than half an hour of being asked aggressively what "I" was going to do about it I shut the discussion down.
In this climate crisis there is no "I", in community "we" have to change and that I fear will be the hardest part of it all.
Sorry to hear about your experience. Great that you are getting better at protecting yourself - it's not easy... and yes - we need 'we' but maybe some or most of us is better than a few... every person's changed heart counts :)
Thank you as always for your courage, your insights and your willingness to open up and show your human vulnerability. You inspire me to do more. A while back, when walking with others supporting local young people on a Fridays for a Future march through town, we had to cross a short bridge. Someone walking past on the other side, shouted across, "What about all the pollution you're causing holding up the traffic then?!" A part of me took comfort in the thought that, a few years ago, that person probably would not have associated idling engines with causing pollution. The message WAS getting through ...💚
Thank you for your service Rosie 🙏🏻🌎
If everyone was more like you, there would be a change. You keep going, and if I'm ever your neck of the woods, I will sit with you.
That would be very lovely Rachel 💚
Thank you for your candor. I deal with these issues on a regular basis as a psychotherapist. It’s part of the shadow side of the job. Not everyone is cut out to be a therapist or an activist. It’s hard work, but I’m pretty sure it’s worth it. As a result, I’m much quicker to see my own imperfections as I age. A sense of humor helps. I like your practical suggestions of basic self care. Developing daily routines have helped me immensely. I’m grateful there are people like you and Greta Thunberg and those who have been willing to do this kind of work throughout history to help make our world a better place for all.
Hi John, good to have you here. Yes, being quicker to see your imperfections - that sounds like my experience too - and yes to a sense of humour!! We need Gretas AND psychotherapists so thank you 🙏🏻