I appreciate your writing so much, and resonate with being strivey (let's make it a word). In many ways, I am letting go of pushing for change - in myself and in the world around me. And I have some regrets around that as I feel there is much change that is needed, and if we don't try, well, then, how will things get better. And, I'm just worn out.
(And I have lots of company coming tomorrow and I am having LOTS of doubts about the food I'm in the process of making. And I want very much to be able to appreciate being with people I love and have good energy for that, not just destroy myself with stress on whether the aubergine dish I invented is just TOO WEIRD.)
I am sure the food will be delish! I still get anxious about cooking out Friday community meal even after doing it every couple of months for NINE YEARS now. It's because I really want it to be nice! And yes I hear you re the change that is necessary. Maybe I'll write a post about that! How you can go gently on yourself 🙏🏻
Thank you for this post, which is exactly what I need to read right now. I am newish at Buddhism and have recently become part of a sangha. I am realizing that I’ve been studying hard so that I can “help people” and feel good about helping. Now I am learning to let go and simply wake up. It’s a challenging but beautiful process. As my former pastor says at the end of each service, “See one another, hear one another, love one another. It’s all that easy and it’s all that hard.”
Great that you've found a sangha Judith. And in my experience uncovering those self-protective motivations is a life-time's work - well, probably many lifetimes - what a great quote by your former pastor, exactly that! Thanks for being here.
This reminds me of: “You’re all perfect. And you could use a little improvement.” 🙃
I really enjoyed the writing in this piece. It felt like it was breathing and resting along the way.
I, too, have spent years reading and trying to find the one elusive answer for fixing all the “things.“ It’s a very tiring circle to run in all the time. One thing I am always trying to discern for myself, is if that spark of reading, learning and connection are also lining up with my deeper values. Because, like you, I love to read, and learn! I want to lift the suffering of sentient beings, so if I feel that a book or lecture will nourish those values, I take a step forward. But if anywhere along the way, the work turns into a tiny chisel and hammer on my self-belonging, I set it aside, and firmly give it back. I never knew how tiring it would be to belong to myself.
Yes such a brilliant quote isn't it. I have a portrait of Suzuki Shunryu just outside my office. A big hero of mine. I think like you my experience is of an ongoing process of discernment - wanting to keep the best of those lovely qualities of loving learning and wanting to help all beings, and noticing when it tips over into some insidious form of self-protection... and also not needing to get that perfectly right too!! Lovely to have you here Amanda 🙏🏻
I appreciated your post today, Satya! Thank you for verbalizing how I have felt from time to time. I, like many of us, have read thousands of self-help books, meditated upside down (LOL), been to every type of therapy and we are still seekers. I have found that letting go of perfection, letting go of expectations, and just "BE" with the now, accepting what is in the moment has been the most helpful. Now, perhaps I can do that some of the time because of all the books, therapy, etc. However, regardless at times I just wish I hadn't been born one of those "seekers", but this is who I am and I also know that is not going to change.
Thanks Satya. Wise words. Sometimes all we need to do is just be. I've also done a lot of work and am currently wrangling with a dilemma on how things I've done at RW for years fit with the new me that has emerged. They don't! Perhaps I don't need to do anything or make any big decisions and just see what unfolds naturally over the coming months 💙
Perfect timing once again Satya. I once shared how I had been dipping my toes into Eastern philosophy for many years. I revere the Dali Lama and as I was reading one of his books he cautioned about getting so much going on philosophically that you can get a bit lost. I was. He said find what speaks to your being and settle. Shortly after that I found Pureland and your books. Pureland spoke to my inner being. I was home. I put down my cushion and took refuge. It fills me, comforts me and guides me. Not with a sense of perfection but more with a sense of acceptance even when I stumble. Love and light to all wherever your journey takes you. 🙏❤️
Love this post. Just beautiful✨🦌✨🧚♀️🤸♀️🌼🌷🌈🌺🪷💕☀️🥰✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Also a thought regarding this: "The first is that we are completely accepted and loved by the Buddha right now, with all the flaws that we can see and with all the flaws that only the Buddha can see."
I wonder what would happen if, in IFS language, one cultivates a part of oneself that is one's own "inner Buddha"? Perhaps it may help with the practice of radical self-acceptance?
The beauty of IFS (as I see it) is that we ALREADY have an inner Buddha - Self - that holds the qualities of compassion, courage etc, and so it's more a matter of uncovering it by helping other parts to relax than it is of cultivating it. Does that make sense? And there is also something known as 'guides' in IFS, bundles of energy that we can sometimes tune into and that hold wisdom... AND, cultivating the qualities of the Buddha also sounds like a great practice. Thanks for your comment!
So many of these words resonate - thank you so much for putting so much thought and time into this post. I have also felt like it is time to stop gorging myself in self-help. I need quiet. I like Jodie’s comment above about giving things time to settle. Sometimes self-help can be just another way of running from the work of the quiet.
Hi N - welcome to Going Gently! Gorging is such a great apposite word. I also love 'the work of the quiet'... anti-work... I'm thinking of Tricia Hersey's amazing work at the Nap Ministry... Thanks for your comment & good luck with your anti-project! 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing, I can really resonate with so much of this. I studied Psychology at uni in the hopes of understanding myself and others better, now I can't count how many self help books I've devoured since and the countless podcasts. I'm fascinated by it all, but equally find that I need to give the learnings more time to settle. I've been trying to work on this more this year, and I've actually decided instead of buying so many self help books I'm going to read for pleasure more and start learning and healing more in a practical sense!
Love the sound of more reading for pleasure. I don't know about you but the 'must improve' parts of me can be very insidious in their influence. They definitely have their place, but I'm aiming for more balance...
The longer I live the more I recognize that Life unfolds in seasons.
Currently, I am in an intense season of learning as I am taking 2 online courses.
Each one offers valuable wisdom and insights from the teacher with ways to put their lessons into practice.
The next season will be to process those notes. I will review them carefully and adapt them to my current conditions.
That will bring the next season with those challenges.
There is a different course that includes an assignment to take off a large block of time for solitude.
What you wrote about taking a break from self-development reminds me of the song by the Byrds Trun Trun Turn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4ga_M5Zdn4&ab_channel=embryonicsoul
That is based on the part of the Bible in Ecclesiastes chapter 3
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I appreciate your writing so much, and resonate with being strivey (let's make it a word). In many ways, I am letting go of pushing for change - in myself and in the world around me. And I have some regrets around that as I feel there is much change that is needed, and if we don't try, well, then, how will things get better. And, I'm just worn out.
(And I have lots of company coming tomorrow and I am having LOTS of doubts about the food I'm in the process of making. And I want very much to be able to appreciate being with people I love and have good energy for that, not just destroy myself with stress on whether the aubergine dish I invented is just TOO WEIRD.)
I am sure the food will be delish! I still get anxious about cooking out Friday community meal even after doing it every couple of months for NINE YEARS now. It's because I really want it to be nice! And yes I hear you re the change that is necessary. Maybe I'll write a post about that! How you can go gently on yourself 🙏🏻
Absolute resonance. Amen. 🙏
🙏🏻😊
Thank you for this post, which is exactly what I need to read right now. I am newish at Buddhism and have recently become part of a sangha. I am realizing that I’ve been studying hard so that I can “help people” and feel good about helping. Now I am learning to let go and simply wake up. It’s a challenging but beautiful process. As my former pastor says at the end of each service, “See one another, hear one another, love one another. It’s all that easy and it’s all that hard.”
Great that you've found a sangha Judith. And in my experience uncovering those self-protective motivations is a life-time's work - well, probably many lifetimes - what a great quote by your former pastor, exactly that! Thanks for being here.
Go gently, Satya! That sounds like sound, consolidated advice to me. What a helpful mantra! :)
It's working well for me :)
This reminds me of: “You’re all perfect. And you could use a little improvement.” 🙃
I really enjoyed the writing in this piece. It felt like it was breathing and resting along the way.
I, too, have spent years reading and trying to find the one elusive answer for fixing all the “things.“ It’s a very tiring circle to run in all the time. One thing I am always trying to discern for myself, is if that spark of reading, learning and connection are also lining up with my deeper values. Because, like you, I love to read, and learn! I want to lift the suffering of sentient beings, so if I feel that a book or lecture will nourish those values, I take a step forward. But if anywhere along the way, the work turns into a tiny chisel and hammer on my self-belonging, I set it aside, and firmly give it back. I never knew how tiring it would be to belong to myself.
Yes such a brilliant quote isn't it. I have a portrait of Suzuki Shunryu just outside my office. A big hero of mine. I think like you my experience is of an ongoing process of discernment - wanting to keep the best of those lovely qualities of loving learning and wanting to help all beings, and noticing when it tips over into some insidious form of self-protection... and also not needing to get that perfectly right too!! Lovely to have you here Amanda 🙏🏻
I appreciated your post today, Satya! Thank you for verbalizing how I have felt from time to time. I, like many of us, have read thousands of self-help books, meditated upside down (LOL), been to every type of therapy and we are still seekers. I have found that letting go of perfection, letting go of expectations, and just "BE" with the now, accepting what is in the moment has been the most helpful. Now, perhaps I can do that some of the time because of all the books, therapy, etc. However, regardless at times I just wish I hadn't been born one of those "seekers", but this is who I am and I also know that is not going to change.
Yes there's definitely pros & cons of being born a seeker... thanks for being here!
Thanks Satya. Wise words. Sometimes all we need to do is just be. I've also done a lot of work and am currently wrangling with a dilemma on how things I've done at RW for years fit with the new me that has emerged. They don't! Perhaps I don't need to do anything or make any big decisions and just see what unfolds naturally over the coming months 💙
Sounds like exciting/slightly nerve wracking times - good luck with the unfolding!
Thankyou Satya, for today's writing/thoughts. Sweet, and just right for me. With Love, Suzanne in Boulder, CO
Hurray x
Thank you! Just that...
🙏🏻 (I am always grateful when folk take the time to say that!)
...and it was a full, earnest thank you. that is why I found no other words, and left it at that :)
I felt that! :)
Perfect timing once again Satya. I once shared how I had been dipping my toes into Eastern philosophy for many years. I revere the Dali Lama and as I was reading one of his books he cautioned about getting so much going on philosophically that you can get a bit lost. I was. He said find what speaks to your being and settle. Shortly after that I found Pureland and your books. Pureland spoke to my inner being. I was home. I put down my cushion and took refuge. It fills me, comforts me and guides me. Not with a sense of perfection but more with a sense of acceptance even when I stumble. Love and light to all wherever your journey takes you. 🙏❤️
'Settle' - such a beautiful word. Thanks Kim x
Love this post. Just beautiful✨🦌✨🧚♀️🤸♀️🌼🌷🌈🌺🪷💕☀️🥰✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Also a thought regarding this: "The first is that we are completely accepted and loved by the Buddha right now, with all the flaws that we can see and with all the flaws that only the Buddha can see."
I wonder what would happen if, in IFS language, one cultivates a part of oneself that is one's own "inner Buddha"? Perhaps it may help with the practice of radical self-acceptance?
What a beautiful bouquet of emojis :)
The beauty of IFS (as I see it) is that we ALREADY have an inner Buddha - Self - that holds the qualities of compassion, courage etc, and so it's more a matter of uncovering it by helping other parts to relax than it is of cultivating it. Does that make sense? And there is also something known as 'guides' in IFS, bundles of energy that we can sometimes tune into and that hold wisdom... AND, cultivating the qualities of the Buddha also sounds like a great practice. Thanks for your comment!
So many of these words resonate - thank you so much for putting so much thought and time into this post. I have also felt like it is time to stop gorging myself in self-help. I need quiet. I like Jodie’s comment above about giving things time to settle. Sometimes self-help can be just another way of running from the work of the quiet.
Yes!
Hi N - welcome to Going Gently! Gorging is such a great apposite word. I also love 'the work of the quiet'... anti-work... I'm thinking of Tricia Hersey's amazing work at the Nap Ministry... Thanks for your comment & good luck with your anti-project! 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing, I can really resonate with so much of this. I studied Psychology at uni in the hopes of understanding myself and others better, now I can't count how many self help books I've devoured since and the countless podcasts. I'm fascinated by it all, but equally find that I need to give the learnings more time to settle. I've been trying to work on this more this year, and I've actually decided instead of buying so many self help books I'm going to read for pleasure more and start learning and healing more in a practical sense!
Love the sound of more reading for pleasure. I don't know about you but the 'must improve' parts of me can be very insidious in their influence. They definitely have their place, but I'm aiming for more balance...
My practice focus for this year is "Notice and name what's coming up in me, others, and the environment ". No fixing. Harder than it sounds. 🙏
Sounds like a very advanced practice to me John!! That way enlightenment lies...
I'm very fortunate to be part of a community of practice here. It has helped me so much.
I'm glad to hear that!
Your words deeply resonate, Satya. Beautiful 🙏
I'm so glad 🙏🏻