Well timed - I will point people to your good tips about being a better listener in a post I am doing about “silent | listen” (anagrams no less!) this week. It’s truly perhaps the hardest but most essential skill.
The essay reminds us about how important it is to listen well in our conversations with others. Suggesting that by truly listening, we can build stronger connections and resolve conflicts better. Thanks for this Satya.
"Noticing when we’re not listening well is most of the battle." I couldn't agree more. Being deliberate respectful and curious are surely three out of the four main pillars of good listening. Don't ask me what the fourth pillar is. But, I'm all ears if folk have their guesses.
Beautiful as always thank you for the great gift of your insight. Just been listening to the Van tuleken brothers talking about how to improve their relationship and listening was pivotal in it. An expert explained to them that sometimes listening means they feel the other’s pain which is why we avoid it. I wonder which parts are at play there? 🧡
Hi Satya, I really appreciate this post on listening. I particularly appreciate the tie to IFS. I am a Spiritual Companion, and as such my primary job is to listen to my clients, to the words they speak and the undercurrent of those words, to their body language, their emotions. I find this practice incredibly helpful for me as I don’t have to fix or change or have any kind of agenda (this doesn’t mean that those don’t show up in sessions though). IFS, among other things, informs my practice, so I love that it came up here. If we are unable to listen to ourselves, I find that it is very difficult to truly listen to others. Thanks again!
Thank you for the gentle reminder. My advice giving part is a strong interrupter because I want to help people to avoid pitfalls - because I care deeply. I'm especially an advice giver when it comes to my kids and close friends. I mean, how can you NOT give them advice when you have lived this stuff and don't want them to be hurt like you were? It's such a conundrum, especially as they get older and need to experience the world and learn more independently. How do you draw the line between being a parent or a mentor? How do you know when to tell that part HUSH?
I'm also older and vocal and just have a LOT to say, stuff that I know, stuff I've built up and never released - it's hard. Sometimes I interject my own experiences where they don't belong. Also menopause is probably a thing. But I can't even tell, and my OBGYN says there's no definitive blood test. I wish I knew how much of this is hormonal, how much PTSD, how much anxiety, how much my physical body just breaking down. (See below.)
Also I get very distracted when listening to my husband sometimes. He tries to help but he's "the lecturer" of the family haha! My mind wanders, I feel like he isn't hearing my part and I get frustrated sometimes. Sometimes he's TOO logical and so I think he doesn't understand. His brain is very different. It's what I love about him but I often say, I wish you could be in my brain right this second and feel what I am feeling. Overall he's very patient and loving with me - except when I get super down on myself. He kind of loses his grip, which makes sense. I know that's hard for him to see because he loves me so deeply and doesn't know why I can't get past my own sense of needing to "do better," especially income wise. (I'm out of work and might be long-term and I will be needing to file for disability because I need to bring SOMETHING consistent in, but I don't really know exactly what my health issues are. I do know I can't work more than a little a time like I am and I'm prone to having breakdowns - definitely not sustainable. So I'm trying to focus on myself and getting healthy and just getting peace externally and internally. Thank you for being part of that process. Thank you for listening closely.)
Just in the kitchen with my partner not listening at all, was already thinking about what I was going to say next...thank you for this timely reminder (and those gorgeous tufty ears!...LOVE!)
Well timed - I will point people to your good tips about being a better listener in a post I am doing about “silent | listen” (anagrams no less!) this week. It’s truly perhaps the hardest but most essential skill.
Stays, I thought of you and your dogs when I saw this
https://mpost.tribel.com/public/posts/b6f3f490-df46-11ee-9d0c-05e4063ef858
I really loved how you ended this with the reminder to be gentle to ourselves. Listening is so hard 😅
The essay reminds us about how important it is to listen well in our conversations with others. Suggesting that by truly listening, we can build stronger connections and resolve conflicts better. Thanks for this Satya.
"Noticing when we’re not listening well is most of the battle." I couldn't agree more. Being deliberate respectful and curious are surely three out of the four main pillars of good listening. Don't ask me what the fourth pillar is. But, I'm all ears if folk have their guesses.
Beautiful as always thank you for the great gift of your insight. Just been listening to the Van tuleken brothers talking about how to improve their relationship and listening was pivotal in it. An expert explained to them that sometimes listening means they feel the other’s pain which is why we avoid it. I wonder which parts are at play there? 🧡
Hi Satya, I really appreciate this post on listening. I particularly appreciate the tie to IFS. I am a Spiritual Companion, and as such my primary job is to listen to my clients, to the words they speak and the undercurrent of those words, to their body language, their emotions. I find this practice incredibly helpful for me as I don’t have to fix or change or have any kind of agenda (this doesn’t mean that those don’t show up in sessions though). IFS, among other things, informs my practice, so I love that it came up here. If we are unable to listen to ourselves, I find that it is very difficult to truly listen to others. Thanks again!
Thank you for the gentle reminder. My advice giving part is a strong interrupter because I want to help people to avoid pitfalls - because I care deeply. I'm especially an advice giver when it comes to my kids and close friends. I mean, how can you NOT give them advice when you have lived this stuff and don't want them to be hurt like you were? It's such a conundrum, especially as they get older and need to experience the world and learn more independently. How do you draw the line between being a parent or a mentor? How do you know when to tell that part HUSH?
I'm also older and vocal and just have a LOT to say, stuff that I know, stuff I've built up and never released - it's hard. Sometimes I interject my own experiences where they don't belong. Also menopause is probably a thing. But I can't even tell, and my OBGYN says there's no definitive blood test. I wish I knew how much of this is hormonal, how much PTSD, how much anxiety, how much my physical body just breaking down. (See below.)
Also I get very distracted when listening to my husband sometimes. He tries to help but he's "the lecturer" of the family haha! My mind wanders, I feel like he isn't hearing my part and I get frustrated sometimes. Sometimes he's TOO logical and so I think he doesn't understand. His brain is very different. It's what I love about him but I often say, I wish you could be in my brain right this second and feel what I am feeling. Overall he's very patient and loving with me - except when I get super down on myself. He kind of loses his grip, which makes sense. I know that's hard for him to see because he loves me so deeply and doesn't know why I can't get past my own sense of needing to "do better," especially income wise. (I'm out of work and might be long-term and I will be needing to file for disability because I need to bring SOMETHING consistent in, but I don't really know exactly what my health issues are. I do know I can't work more than a little a time like I am and I'm prone to having breakdowns - definitely not sustainable. So I'm trying to focus on myself and getting healthy and just getting peace externally and internally. Thank you for being part of that process. Thank you for listening closely.)
Just in the kitchen with my partner not listening at all, was already thinking about what I was going to say next...thank you for this timely reminder (and those gorgeous tufty ears!...LOVE!)