What a timely post. Last November I moved into my dream house (a mid-terrace Victorian house near the sea and theatres and writers) - I’m midway through eco-retrofitting it (waiting for seagulls to leave their nest at moment). I’ve felt a relentless drive to keep fixing/moving forward into new things to coalesce the dream but today I decided to just … stop. Take stop. Pat self on back for the life changes and spend a day just being. Though now I am browsing Substack, so I am clearly still not quite as able to sit in stillness as I would like - work in progress, work in progress …
Hurray for stopping. I think my manager parts are taking a little while to slow, like a wheel that's been spinning very fast for a long time... I do appreciate my system's ability to get things done like this, and am also, like you, moving towards a balance of sometimes-quick-and-active, sometimes-slow. I think a bit of Substack browsing counts as slow ; ) Enjoy your home Jack - sounds beautiful.
Oh Satya, thank goodness you have Buddhism! I love your honesty about your internal struggles.
I think (and this it took me many years to learn) you can accept your good fortune and give yourself permission to simply enjoy the new place! There is always balance - yin and yang - the seesaw of existence but the place is lucky to have you and Kaspa caring for it. I am grateful every day for our home here, and when I feel overwhelmed by tasks such as cleaning and gardening, I pay someone else to do it - the flow of money is like energy. I will earn money doing what I am good at and circulate the money to someone who has different skills. I do this even if I have very little, I like the concept of flow, like movement of energy - something that should never stagnate. And when I feel guilty about having a home with spare bedrooms, I think of how many times we have had friends and family to stay, and others have benefited from our space - as for you with clients and readers, I am sure.
Thanks for your writing, for sharing your humanity and for finding ways through. Your home looks delightful, and will be happy to be loved, I think!
I bow to your honesty and sweet challenging of yourself.
If you are okay with it, I’d love to share a few of my insights from the past 20 years or so…
Owning a house is so very much richer than renting… and like the line from the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” I have often found that getting to know your new home slowly works best.
Owning isn’t as much of a “make it look beautiful” kind of thing as renting is.. it’s more of a enjoy the small and large projects you move thru as the house and you bond with it. I linger longer in the process now at 70 than I did at 50. Because once the “fixing” and “updates” are done, whatever will you do?
Has your house told you its name yet? (Yes, silly me, I enjoy the naming of things, and anthropomorphizing the things I live with).
You already know exactly how to move thru these moments… (as Thich Nhat Hanh once said, being aware of the manna of everything thing)
I love that idea of lingering on the projects - I'd had that thought - if I buy THIS rug now, all in a rush, then how many years will I get to live with it and enjoy it but not choose it again? And I had the idea of naming the house but Kaspa wasn't so keen - maybe I'll ask it to tell me its name, secretly : )
I have had a “severe” disability since birth, I relate to the many physical tasks you describe from an entirely different perspective. I think about how, who, and how much I need to spend to get someone to help me with those tasks.
Think of this as sharing a vision: when you mentioned the three girls living next door, I pictured them helping you/working for you with appropriate tasks in your big house and garden. I imagined this would be wonderful for you and for them.
When I was a preteen (and my sister is younger) my dad hired a couple of neighborhood girls to “babysit” us until he and my mom got home from work. They would also come and water the lawns when we went on vacation. He paid them a reasonable wage for their age. (He was an elementary school teacher in our neighborhood, and had had both girls in his class—different years.)
Thanks for sharing Teri - reminds me both of how much I take for granted (and can be more actively grateful for), and also the different limits that unite us all as humans. And a lovely idea about the girls. I'm hoping they'll come over for our house warming and let's see!
Perhaps consider reading the Elly Griffiths books; she has a series featuring an Academic/Archaeologist named Ruth Galloway, set in Norfolk. It's cosy crime, so although people do pop their clogs, it's usually quite neatly! There are 25 books in the series though, the first book is titled The Crossing Places. Good luck in your new home, it sounds wonderful. Maybe what you are feeling is overwhelm, it has been a bit of an endurance race to get to this point. Give it some time, relax into your life as it looks now and maybe those feelings will pass xx
Ah thanks for the reminder Beverly - I'd read the first couple and enjoyed them and then forgot about them - just bought the kindle box set! Will keep me going for a while. And yes thank you there was definitely overwhelm/processing in the mix - it's still there but draining away by the day : ) x
When we moved to Veddw my dream became possible (almost true but I had a garden to make to really fulfil it). And we had endless rows and trauma until we settled down - due to acute anxiety, job search and leaving a previously loved home.
It was a temporary blip. I hope you find the same - just a blip - and recovery.
Yes there was definitely some rockiness here in the early weeks! I think luckily we're already moving through it but it's understandable, eh? Hope you're happy with your garden now. Veddw is a beautiful word.
It's a beautiful house. Loved your story of how you manifested it. My life has been a series of manifestations - from my soulmate to a house to health and happiness. Everything. I feel so grateful😊
At long last. Space of your own, trees to hug and garden to walk round and be grounded. Please take full advantage whatever the season and most of all be inspired.
I love the way you bring your human-ness to your writing - a ‘flawed’ person in all their perfection.
Re weeding - strawberries make excellent ground cover plants that reduce the need to weed - and give delicious gifts!
Re easy reading - have you tried Victoria Walker’s books? She lives in West Malvern and they have her books at the cooperative bookshop in Malvern. They’re also available online, of course.
And, most of all, congratulations on your move - I wish you every happiness in your new home.
Finding joy in small things, instead of waiting for the big things is what I am trying to do and it seems like you are also taking pleasure from all the joys (big and small) in your new abode.
Your garden is so beautiful! And yes, I feel what you describe all the time. I live in Amsterdam, I have a little house in Italy I’ll be able to move to someday, I have a loving husband, two amazing children, and a darling little dog. These are all the things I dreamed. My life is more than I or anyone deserves, yet somehow I’m in therapy for anxiety. It’s hard to reconcile that, and hard not to feel guilty. Even with all my theoretically healthy self-talk. If you figure it out, tell me how!
Thank you Sarah. And, oh, parts! I trust that your anxious parts have excellent (historical) reasons for their anxiety, and the guilty ones too... it's hard to know that we're lucky but not feel it all the time (or any of the time). I would recommend some IFS therapy, but then I'm biased : ) Thanks for being here.
So happy to read you have been able to move forward with your new home, it’s bound to take some time to settle but you will, we are more adaptable than we realise. Moving is incredibly stressful and it tests parts of you that you really don’t expect to have accessed, but, all things pass and you find your new normal. I love your outlook into the garden from your desk, what a bonus.
What a timely post. Last November I moved into my dream house (a mid-terrace Victorian house near the sea and theatres and writers) - I’m midway through eco-retrofitting it (waiting for seagulls to leave their nest at moment). I’ve felt a relentless drive to keep fixing/moving forward into new things to coalesce the dream but today I decided to just … stop. Take stop. Pat self on back for the life changes and spend a day just being. Though now I am browsing Substack, so I am clearly still not quite as able to sit in stillness as I would like - work in progress, work in progress …
Hurray for stopping. I think my manager parts are taking a little while to slow, like a wheel that's been spinning very fast for a long time... I do appreciate my system's ability to get things done like this, and am also, like you, moving towards a balance of sometimes-quick-and-active, sometimes-slow. I think a bit of Substack browsing counts as slow ; ) Enjoy your home Jack - sounds beautiful.
Oh Satya, thank goodness you have Buddhism! I love your honesty about your internal struggles.
I think (and this it took me many years to learn) you can accept your good fortune and give yourself permission to simply enjoy the new place! There is always balance - yin and yang - the seesaw of existence but the place is lucky to have you and Kaspa caring for it. I am grateful every day for our home here, and when I feel overwhelmed by tasks such as cleaning and gardening, I pay someone else to do it - the flow of money is like energy. I will earn money doing what I am good at and circulate the money to someone who has different skills. I do this even if I have very little, I like the concept of flow, like movement of energy - something that should never stagnate. And when I feel guilty about having a home with spare bedrooms, I think of how many times we have had friends and family to stay, and others have benefited from our space - as for you with clients and readers, I am sure.
Thanks for your writing, for sharing your humanity and for finding ways through. Your home looks delightful, and will be happy to be loved, I think!
Thank you Sarah. All things I already know and am also always happy to be reminded of! Your house also sounds like it's lucky to have you.
🙏🏻☺️🌱
I bow to your honesty and sweet challenging of yourself.
If you are okay with it, I’d love to share a few of my insights from the past 20 years or so…
Owning a house is so very much richer than renting… and like the line from the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” I have often found that getting to know your new home slowly works best.
Owning isn’t as much of a “make it look beautiful” kind of thing as renting is.. it’s more of a enjoy the small and large projects you move thru as the house and you bond with it. I linger longer in the process now at 70 than I did at 50. Because once the “fixing” and “updates” are done, whatever will you do?
Has your house told you its name yet? (Yes, silly me, I enjoy the naming of things, and anthropomorphizing the things I live with).
You already know exactly how to move thru these moments… (as Thich Nhat Hanh once said, being aware of the manna of everything thing)
I love that idea of lingering on the projects - I'd had that thought - if I buy THIS rug now, all in a rush, then how many years will I get to live with it and enjoy it but not choose it again? And I had the idea of naming the house but Kaspa wasn't so keen - maybe I'll ask it to tell me its name, secretly : )
I have had a “severe” disability since birth, I relate to the many physical tasks you describe from an entirely different perspective. I think about how, who, and how much I need to spend to get someone to help me with those tasks.
Think of this as sharing a vision: when you mentioned the three girls living next door, I pictured them helping you/working for you with appropriate tasks in your big house and garden. I imagined this would be wonderful for you and for them.
When I was a preteen (and my sister is younger) my dad hired a couple of neighborhood girls to “babysit” us until he and my mom got home from work. They would also come and water the lawns when we went on vacation. He paid them a reasonable wage for their age. (He was an elementary school teacher in our neighborhood, and had had both girls in his class—different years.)
Thanks for sharing Teri - reminds me both of how much I take for granted (and can be more actively grateful for), and also the different limits that unite us all as humans. And a lovely idea about the girls. I'm hoping they'll come over for our house warming and let's see!
Perhaps consider reading the Elly Griffiths books; she has a series featuring an Academic/Archaeologist named Ruth Galloway, set in Norfolk. It's cosy crime, so although people do pop their clogs, it's usually quite neatly! There are 25 books in the series though, the first book is titled The Crossing Places. Good luck in your new home, it sounds wonderful. Maybe what you are feeling is overwhelm, it has been a bit of an endurance race to get to this point. Give it some time, relax into your life as it looks now and maybe those feelings will pass xx
Ah thanks for the reminder Beverly - I'd read the first couple and enjoyed them and then forgot about them - just bought the kindle box set! Will keep me going for a while. And yes thank you there was definitely overwhelm/processing in the mix - it's still there but draining away by the day : ) x
When we moved to Veddw my dream became possible (almost true but I had a garden to make to really fulfil it). And we had endless rows and trauma until we settled down - due to acute anxiety, job search and leaving a previously loved home.
It was a temporary blip. I hope you find the same - just a blip - and recovery.
Yes there was definitely some rockiness here in the early weeks! I think luckily we're already moving through it but it's understandable, eh? Hope you're happy with your garden now. Veddw is a beautiful word.
With the garden (mostly) and definitely each other.
Good luck!
Wonderful. Thank you!!
It's a beautiful house. Loved your story of how you manifested it. My life has been a series of manifestations - from my soulmate to a house to health and happiness. Everything. I feel so grateful😊
Thanks Minaz. And that's wonderful to hear!
At long last. Space of your own, trees to hug and garden to walk round and be grounded. Please take full advantage whatever the season and most of all be inspired.
Yes, long last! I haven't hugged the trees yet, but I have been worshipping them. Maybe I'll do that later : ) Thank you.
Love the permission you give yourself and others to just be how we/you are, such a gift, thank you xo
Thanks Gaye. I hope that it's infectious... we could all do with a bit more of it!
I love the way you bring your human-ness to your writing - a ‘flawed’ person in all their perfection.
Re weeding - strawberries make excellent ground cover plants that reduce the need to weed - and give delicious gifts!
Re easy reading - have you tried Victoria Walker’s books? She lives in West Malvern and they have her books at the cooperative bookshop in Malvern. They’re also available online, of course.
And, most of all, congratulations on your move - I wish you every happiness in your new home.
Thank you Julia! Good strawberry tip. And I haven't but I'm going to now : ) Hope you're well x
Ah, 'I have brought myself with me'
Oh yes.
And yes to (almost) all the other words...
😊
Finding joy in small things, instead of waiting for the big things is what I am trying to do and it seems like you are also taking pleasure from all the joys (big and small) in your new abode.
An excellent practice. It's taking me a lifetime to get better at it.
Your garden is so beautiful! And yes, I feel what you describe all the time. I live in Amsterdam, I have a little house in Italy I’ll be able to move to someday, I have a loving husband, two amazing children, and a darling little dog. These are all the things I dreamed. My life is more than I or anyone deserves, yet somehow I’m in therapy for anxiety. It’s hard to reconcile that, and hard not to feel guilty. Even with all my theoretically healthy self-talk. If you figure it out, tell me how!
Thank you Sarah. And, oh, parts! I trust that your anxious parts have excellent (historical) reasons for their anxiety, and the guilty ones too... it's hard to know that we're lucky but not feel it all the time (or any of the time). I would recommend some IFS therapy, but then I'm biased : ) Thanks for being here.
Fish, trees, Mary Oliver, and such hills outside your window. Give you joy!
All the wonderful things!
I am so pleased & excited for you, to see you found a home that lights you up. I bet the dogs are thrilled with the garden😊❤️
Thank you that's so kind. They ARE - they especially love drinking from the pond and the fish don't seem to mind : )
So happy to read you have been able to move forward with your new home, it’s bound to take some time to settle but you will, we are more adaptable than we realise. Moving is incredibly stressful and it tests parts of you that you really don’t expect to have accessed, but, all things pass and you find your new normal. I love your outlook into the garden from your desk, what a bonus.
Thank you Jane. Yes - the new normal is sliding into (beautiful) view. It's such an amazing view. How lucky I am!