Why You Shouldn't Read This (Maybe)
What to do when your plate is full
Over the past few weeks I have been deleting newsletters the minute they land in my inbox. The ones I pay for: gone. The ones with delectable titles: gone. The ones from friends that I feel I really ought to read: gone.
I am already full.
This season has been a season of processing psychologically tricky things. The past few weeks have been more crammed with work than usual. I’ve been squeezing reading1 into the gaps. Like a satisfied gourmand after a seven course meal, there has been no room for any more words in my head.
Okay, let me revisit that metaphor for a second. If they were seven modest sized courses, and if there was a good dark chocolate vegan caramel in the top drawer when I got home from the restaurant, I’d probably eat it. I am a sucker for extreme deliciousness. I am a sucker for free food and I cannot be trusted around buffets. I am a sucker for food as medicine when my emotions are threatening to wobble me over. You get the idea.
There are lots of different reasons why we eat when we’re full, read when we’re full, cram more into our full schedules, buy too many notebooks. Why we surrender to our everso itchy desires. Why we say, “Just one more and then I’ll stop.”
These include:
⭐ An ingrained fear of scarcity. If we have grown up with not-enough, or with someone who is afraid of not-enough, then we may have taken on this fear. This is the fear that used to drive me to finish the whole tub of good ice-cream, because I was afraid I might not get any more ever again. Some folk are afraid of the world denying them more, and some are afraid of parts of themselves2 denying them more (e.g. dieting parts, restriction of spending parts etc.) - most of us have a mix.
⭐ Fear of Missing Out. Everyone else is reading this amazing newsletter, and so I should be reading it too. If I don’t, I won’t get into the cool gang / I’ll be left behind / I’ll never get any more subscribers / I’ll miss the crucial information contained in the newsletter that will totally change my life.
⭐ A hope that ingesting more will solve something for us. ‘If I keep reading, I will become a genius and I will definitely become successful in my career.’ ‘If I have a pair of shoes to totally match every outfit, I won’t feel self-conscious or unconfident ever again.’ Etc.
⭐ A way of distracting us from something difficult. This is when we use food or books or something else to keep our emotions at bay, like a parent wafting a shiny toy in front of a crying toddler’s nose. Look over here instead!
What can we do about these things?
We can notice them, feel curious about them, and get to know our various impulses as if they were old friends.
When do they leap into action? When are they most intense? What might happen if they didn’t do what their thing? What helps them to calm down a little? What else is going on in my life that may be lurking in the background?
As they always do, our parts respond best to curiosity and compassion, rather than being judged and told to stop (tempting though this is!). Our binge-eating parts and binge-spending parts will have good reasons for doing what they’re doing - we just need to be patient, listen to them and keep an open mind. If you get stuck with this or have a question, message me or ask me in the comments.
It has felt good for me to have a little newsletter-diet, and there is space for more words in my head again. Over time I have got better at recognising my various states of fullness, whatever the reason for them, and respecting them.
If you are feeling too full, I’d encourage you to do the same. Go ahead and delete my messages or unsubscribe from me when what I write isn’t quite right for you or when you’re feeling overloaded. You can trust that space will appear again.
Last night I read my friend Lizzie’s piece about coming apart at the seams. I enjoyed every gorgeous, juicy word.
Go gently,
Satya <3
Tell me - what do you need to take a break from? How are you full? Why did you get too full in the first place? What’s getting in the way of saying no for a little while?
’s At Work in the Ruins, Eula Biss’s Having and Being Had, ’s Disaster Preparedness, ’s I Didn’t Do The Thing Today, and a few John Dickson Carrs for layers of light relief.
For more about parts read Internal Family Systems (with puppies).
"A hope that ingesting more will solve something for us." This is so me. I feel such a pull to search and dig for 'the golden nugget' that is going to be my answer. But even as I do it, I know that the search is fruitless and I'm just getting overwhelmed. Thanks for framing it like this. I've saved this post!
I really feel this. I subscribe to podcasts, substacks, newsletters. I have 3 print magazines whose editions pile up unread. I could do my Goodreads reading challenge 50 books) this year from the unread books on my own shelves! I am overstuffed, an absolute glutton for idea and information. Never having time to digest, process and act upon that which I do take it. I definitely also distract myself to prevent feeling things/numb myself- with business, food, drink, information. I think so many of us do this it feels normal. Almost as if it’s a symptom or reaction to the society/world we have created.