I deleted the substack app in December. I've missed it but I was definitely overloaded and intuitively knew what you have now explained. There is so much to reflect on here but alas it must wait til my thesis is submitted!. Thank you as always for your wisdom Satya
Yes! You’ve captured it perfectly. I am definitely guilty of filling up the first few months of the year with a lot. I have to do a lot of research for my work and as a someone who can go down a rabbit hole, I generally give myself a few hours to find out everything I can about something and then that’s what I work with. Perhaps I should do this outside of work too!
I'm spending yet another Sunday trying to catch up on email. And I resent that it seems to take a full day of the week to "stay on top" of it. I'm trying to get better at just deleting the stuff that I know is unlikely to be life-changing, but, I mean what if it is. Perhaps knowing you've survived saying "no thanks, not another bite right now" will inspire me. If I'm already full, and keep eating, I end up feeling yucky. Better to savor the bites I've already had.
It's a learned skill to know when we are full and it took me nearly 40 years to understand what it felt like to feel full. I ate my feelings from childhood. Facebook was an area that filled me up with "friends" - I felt I couldn't have too many friends. Until I did. I went on a purging spree downsizing my friends list with a simple criteria, and found myself feeling lighter and less under pressure. My email inbox was something that I learned to manage when I worked in corporate, so I have a routine around it. I did, however unsubscribe from several newsletters at the same time that I pared down my friends list. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. It makes me feel glad to know that we can do this winnowing activity to make ourselves healthier.
Not at all Kelly! I don't mind. Mine is pretty specific. I have been a traveling horse trainer and riding coach for about 8 years., helping people with their horses at their homes. I've been an equestrian all my life and have adopted and trained mustangs from the wild horse range in the U.S. Through this work I have met many people in the equine community and made hundreds of social media connections with other trainers and horse enthusiasts. As of this year, I am retiring from this vocation.
I made the decision to pare down my friends list because it was huge, and there were people on it that I never interacted with, also those whose posts I never saw come up in my feed. This included a lot of those folks with whom I was connected with because of horses, but never interacted with.
So my criteria was: 1. Is this someone I know in real life?
2. Do I ever interact with them?
3. Do I care about their life and what is happening with them, (truly, and not
just on a superficial curiosity level, or as I care for all people?)
4. Do I feel connected to them on any level?
5. Do I need to be friends with them on Facebook?
I did remove some friends from the Facebook list, and add them on IG. It's a different
kind of interaction on that platform.
FYI: I went from having over 2k friends to 728 which is also a large number, and I'm still removing the occasional person when they come up as a birthday notification or in my feed randomly.
I have to say that I feel lighter about it. Also, there has only been one person that I unfriended on Facebook that reached out to me with concern. I added her back to the list because she wanted to stay connected. She's someone with whom I am acquainted IRL.
Thank you that’s such a response and your criteria is so helpful. I also hadn’t thought of adding people on Instagram instead of FB. Enjoy your retirement too.
Also on this I was in a meeting today and my IT department head said YouTube put out 80 years worth of video every day. It’s an intense amount of information that we are being bombarded with isn’t it.
Thank you for this metaphor. It is perfect. It is a healthy reminder. In a world where we literally have everything at out fingertips, it is easy to lose ourselves. Or to get greedy for more. We are continually on a cruise ship with an entire buffet always available. It takes a moment to get over the excitement and moderate our intake. Deep breath, inhale....exhale.
I resonate with this, especially the eating. I’ve been a ‘stuffer’ for most of my adult life and I’m now 63. I’ve never connected it with how I keep myself ‘full’ in other areas of my life by being busy, busy, busy and absorbing endless amounts of information and knowledge. My body and brain are both saying Enough!
Hi Satya. I resonate with your words! I always appreciate your capacity and willingness to share your *softer spots. I think this helps and allows many to open up to our own foibles and follies! I've been on/off subscriptions to peoples individual writings for months now....$10 here, $5 there, $7 over here.... I want to support everyone's writing!! Instead, I'll take breaks and or often re-evaluate what my needs are, what supports my growth. I'm edging towards being off social media entirely and just have Substack/Patreon connections. And yes, FOMO! haha..."what if I miss out on the next best...piece of writing/book/film. Time for a walk in the woods!
Good thoughts as always Satya. As a caregiver I am VERY selective about what I put into my day. Not too much personal time so I pick what matters most. So many women my age are caregivers and we all seem to share the same guilt when we take time for ourselves. A real conundrum. 🙏🪷
Nice thought today! It's really tough to forgive yourself for not keeping up with what you feel are obligations, but you have to ask yourself every now and then, "are these actually obligations? what's more important, for me to adhere to my sense of propriety, as misguided as that might be, or my mental well being?"
Thank you so much for this piece, Satya. Looks like a bunch of us are feeling the same way! I am too full of the world’s inhumanity. As a human being, and as a poet, I feel it is my duty to bear witness. Each and every day, I am horrified at the new atrocities the powerful perpetrate on the powerless. All it takes now is one headline or one image, and I am filled with disbelief and despair. Yet looking away does not feel right. I have not yet mastered the ability to realize when I do need to take a break, but I am trying to recognize that feeling of needing to take care of myself and go gently.
Hi Claire - thank you for your witness - it's important and, as you've written, it's costly. I would love for you to be able to continue in this work and so wish you increasing success in noticing when you need to rest and replenish (ie before it becomes desperate!) - wishing you kindness. I'm starting a course here on being kinder to ourselves soon so maybe that might help! Take care x
Feeling this overwhelm too right now - though I always enjoy your beautiful offerings and make space for them. But my head is too tangled up in words, especially after several months of studying!! Heartfelt thank you for the honourable mention too ☺️ Hope to see you again for chai soon xx
I deleted the substack app in December. I've missed it but I was definitely overloaded and intuitively knew what you have now explained. There is so much to reflect on here but alas it must wait til my thesis is submitted!. Thank you as always for your wisdom Satya
Ah good luck with your thesis!!! Glad you could give yourself the support you need 🙏🏻
Ironically, I'm reading this two weeks late because I took a reading hiatus due to feeling overloaded😅
Hurray!!
Ironically this edition of your newsletter made me want to subscribe more. Thank you for the kindness and permission.
Haha, my stealth read-my-newsletter work is done 😉 (I'm glad the permission hit home. good to have you here!)
Yes! You’ve captured it perfectly. I am definitely guilty of filling up the first few months of the year with a lot. I have to do a lot of research for my work and as a someone who can go down a rabbit hole, I generally give myself a few hours to find out everything I can about something and then that’s what I work with. Perhaps I should do this outside of work too!
Glad it resonated Rebecca.
(But, see, if I'd just deleted this, I wouldn't have had this insight!)
I'm spending yet another Sunday trying to catch up on email. And I resent that it seems to take a full day of the week to "stay on top" of it. I'm trying to get better at just deleting the stuff that I know is unlikely to be life-changing, but, I mean what if it is. Perhaps knowing you've survived saying "no thanks, not another bite right now" will inspire me. If I'm already full, and keep eating, I end up feeling yucky. Better to savor the bites I've already had.
It's so hard isn't it?!
It's a learned skill to know when we are full and it took me nearly 40 years to understand what it felt like to feel full. I ate my feelings from childhood. Facebook was an area that filled me up with "friends" - I felt I couldn't have too many friends. Until I did. I went on a purging spree downsizing my friends list with a simple criteria, and found myself feeling lighter and less under pressure. My email inbox was something that I learned to manage when I worked in corporate, so I have a routine around it. I did, however unsubscribe from several newsletters at the same time that I pared down my friends list. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. It makes me feel glad to know that we can do this winnowing activity to make ourselves healthier.
I’m interested, could you share what criteria did you use to skim down the list? Absolutely no need to share if you are not comfortable doing so.
Not at all Kelly! I don't mind. Mine is pretty specific. I have been a traveling horse trainer and riding coach for about 8 years., helping people with their horses at their homes. I've been an equestrian all my life and have adopted and trained mustangs from the wild horse range in the U.S. Through this work I have met many people in the equine community and made hundreds of social media connections with other trainers and horse enthusiasts. As of this year, I am retiring from this vocation.
I made the decision to pare down my friends list because it was huge, and there were people on it that I never interacted with, also those whose posts I never saw come up in my feed. This included a lot of those folks with whom I was connected with because of horses, but never interacted with.
So my criteria was: 1. Is this someone I know in real life?
2. Do I ever interact with them?
3. Do I care about their life and what is happening with them, (truly, and not
just on a superficial curiosity level, or as I care for all people?)
4. Do I feel connected to them on any level?
5. Do I need to be friends with them on Facebook?
I did remove some friends from the Facebook list, and add them on IG. It's a different
kind of interaction on that platform.
FYI: I went from having over 2k friends to 728 which is also a large number, and I'm still removing the occasional person when they come up as a birthday notification or in my feed randomly.
I have to say that I feel lighter about it. Also, there has only been one person that I unfriended on Facebook that reached out to me with concern. I added her back to the list because she wanted to stay connected. She's someone with whom I am acquainted IRL.
Thank you that’s such a response and your criteria is so helpful. I also hadn’t thought of adding people on Instagram instead of FB. Enjoy your retirement too.
Winnowing - such a beautiful word. Thanks Virginia!
Also on this I was in a meeting today and my IT department head said YouTube put out 80 years worth of video every day. It’s an intense amount of information that we are being bombarded with isn’t it.
CRAZY!!
Thank you for this metaphor. It is perfect. It is a healthy reminder. In a world where we literally have everything at out fingertips, it is easy to lose ourselves. Or to get greedy for more. We are continually on a cruise ship with an entire buffet always available. It takes a moment to get over the excitement and moderate our intake. Deep breath, inhale....exhale.
Yes - an ENTIRE buffet!!! Thanks Tricia.
I resonate with this, especially the eating. I’ve been a ‘stuffer’ for most of my adult life and I’m now 63. I’ve never connected it with how I keep myself ‘full’ in other areas of my life by being busy, busy, busy and absorbing endless amounts of information and knowledge. My body and brain are both saying Enough!
Welcome Lynn and good to hear that I'm not alone. Here's to slowly learning to listen to that voice.
Hi Satya. I resonate with your words! I always appreciate your capacity and willingness to share your *softer spots. I think this helps and allows many to open up to our own foibles and follies! I've been on/off subscriptions to peoples individual writings for months now....$10 here, $5 there, $7 over here.... I want to support everyone's writing!! Instead, I'll take breaks and or often re-evaluate what my needs are, what supports my growth. I'm edging towards being off social media entirely and just have Substack/Patreon connections. And yes, FOMO! haha..."what if I miss out on the next best...piece of writing/book/film. Time for a walk in the woods!
Always lovely to have you here. Here's to breaks & less!
Good thoughts as always Satya. As a caregiver I am VERY selective about what I put into my day. Not too much personal time so I pick what matters most. So many women my age are caregivers and we all seem to share the same guilt when we take time for ourselves. A real conundrum. 🙏🪷
Yes, a conundrum... so happy to hear about your selectivity. x
Nice thought today! It's really tough to forgive yourself for not keeping up with what you feel are obligations, but you have to ask yourself every now and then, "are these actually obligations? what's more important, for me to adhere to my sense of propriety, as misguided as that might be, or my mental well being?"
Oh, I wasn't really relating to any of the whys until I got to the last. Distraction from difficult feelings...oh yes. That.
Thank you so much for this piece, Satya. Looks like a bunch of us are feeling the same way! I am too full of the world’s inhumanity. As a human being, and as a poet, I feel it is my duty to bear witness. Each and every day, I am horrified at the new atrocities the powerful perpetrate on the powerless. All it takes now is one headline or one image, and I am filled with disbelief and despair. Yet looking away does not feel right. I have not yet mastered the ability to realize when I do need to take a break, but I am trying to recognize that feeling of needing to take care of myself and go gently.
So much this. Thank you for expressing it so well.
Hi Claire - thank you for your witness - it's important and, as you've written, it's costly. I would love for you to be able to continue in this work and so wish you increasing success in noticing when you need to rest and replenish (ie before it becomes desperate!) - wishing you kindness. I'm starting a course here on being kinder to ourselves soon so maybe that might help! Take care x
Feeling this overwhelm too right now - though I always enjoy your beautiful offerings and make space for them. But my head is too tangled up in words, especially after several months of studying!! Heartfelt thank you for the honourable mention too ☺️ Hope to see you again for chai soon xx
Ah thanks Lizzie - hope you find some space after all those words. And grateful as always for your writing. And, yes! xx