The CLEAR Check-In (with kittens)
How to use Internal Family Systems to bring calm to your system
Would you like a three-minute tool to bring soothing, clarity and understanding to your jangled system? Try CLEAR! (Why kittens? I used puppies as light relief in my introduction to Internal Family Systems, and I didn’t want the kitties to feel left out…)
As a part of my course on self-compassion, I developed an acronym to help people use the magic of Internal Family Systems to check in with themselves and bring some calm to their systems.
I’ll describe it to you quickly first so you can get on and use it, and then I’ll take you through each step in more detail. Feel free to try it out as you’re reading, and do let me know how you get on - I’m always happy to answer questions and I’ve already developed the tool through lovely-reader feedback. If you like to listen rather than read, I also describe this process in this video.
A note of reassurance - if you’re unfamiliar with Internal Family Systems and the whole idea of different parts inside us seems a bit strange and complicated, you’re not alone. These concepts do take a bit of getting used to, and although some people get a sense of their own easily-distinguishable parts straight away, for others it’s all just a gloopy, mixed up soup inside to start with. Allow your sceptical parts to continue keeping an eye on things (we need them!) and stick with the first step of the process for a while. Becoming conscious of what is happening inside us always helps.
A note about safety - if at any point during this process you feel overwhelmed, blanked out, confused or anything that has an edge of discomfort or unsafeness, it may be a sign that your protective parts are wanting to keep you away from a vulnerable part of you. Just acknowledge the overwhelm and take a few steps back. If it feels appropriate you can then use the CLEAR protocol on the overwhelm but if in doubt, just take a break.
So, in brief:
Become Conscious of a part of you (or if you’re a Brit you can Clock It.) What is happening inside you? What are you feeling physically or emotionally? What are you saying to yourself?
Listen to this part of you. See what this part of you has to say to you. What does it want? What job is it doing for you? What worries does it have?
Engage with the part. If possible, hang out with the part a little or have a conversation. How is it doing? Is it tired? What is it trying to do for you? What is it afraid will happen if it stopped doing what it’s doing? What might help it?
Appreciate the part. Before you finish, let this part of you know that you appreciate it. If that doesn’t feel possible, accept it or acknowledge it instead.
Release the part. Let it go back to doing its job, and get on with your day. Notice if there is any more relaxation or ease inside you.
Is it time for another kitten yet?
So - let’s go through these steps again with some added nuance.
⭐ Become Conscious of a part of you (or Clock It). This is a moment of noticing something that is happening inside you, and then tuning into it. As you become more experienced, you may be able to differentiate between different parts of you - e.g. there’s a voice telling you to eat chocolate, and another part telling you to ‘be healthy’. Take one of these at a time. You might want to start with the one who’s ‘shouting the loudest’ - the one who is most desperate for your attention. If other parts of you don’t want you to pay a particular target part attention, by making you feel resistance or distracting you or making you feel fuzzy, then step away from the original target part and make them the target instead. Become conscious of them and continue with the protocol...
⭐ Listen to this part of you. Before you start listening, check and see how you feel towards your target part. Do you feel kindly towards the, or curious about them? If so, great - see what it has to say. If you don’t feel kindly towards it, become conscious of the feeling you have towards it (i.e. another part of you that understandably hates it, is afraid of it, disgusted by it etc.). Switch your attention to that part instead, and start at the beginning of the CLEAR protocol with this part. Keep repeating that until you feel curiosity towards the original self-critical part. If you don’t get there, don’t worry - just hang out with becoming conscious and listening. That will help!
⭐ Engage with the part. If you are willing, move from listening to having a conversation with the target part. How is it doing? What is it trying to do for you? What job does it have for you? What is it afraid will happen if it stopped doing that job? Is it tired? What relationship does it have with other parts of you? What might help it? You can have this conversation internally, or you could write it out in your journal. This engagement may feel ‘verbal’ or it may take a different form - imagery, or physical sensations - just stay curious and see what emerges. Your parts have wisdom to impart! Keep an eye out for other parts that don’t want you to continue the conversation for any reason - if that happens, switch from the original part to them. See what worries they might have, and only continue with your original part if they can be reassured and if they give you permission.
⭐ Appreciate the part. Before you finish, and if it feels possible, let this part of you know that you appreciate it. Say to it something like, ‘I see that you are trying to help me by judging me/criticising me/making me eat chocolate (etc.) and I am grateful you’re working so hard for me.’ If you don’t understand why the part thinks it is helping you, that’s okay, just trust that it has a reason that makes sense to it. If you can’t manage an honest appreciation of it, that’s fine - just accept that it’s there doing what it feels it has to do. If you can’t accept it, just acknowledge that you’re not in that place yet and keep getting to know it.
⭐ Release the part. If appropriate, and if the target part wants it, let it know that you will give it more attention in the future (in your journal, in therapy, when talking to a friend etc.). Then release it from your conversation so it can continue doing its job for you. Notice if there is any more relaxation or ease inside you - even just a teensy bit. If there is, hurray! If not, don’t fear - more CLEARing will do the trick. Trust the process, or trust that I trust the process. And if you have any questions, ask them here.
So there we are. The CLEAR check-in!
As you continue to practice getting to know your parts in this way, you may find that gain more clarity about what’s happening inside you. You’ll begin to recognise parts of you as they turn up in different situations, and hopefully you’ll understand a bit more about what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. As your parts feel listened to and understood, they may be able to relax their intensity and do their job without causing so much chaos or harm.
If you’d like to learn more about IFS I have a self-study month-long course which is available to paid subscribers - find it here. I may write a course about the CLEAR check-in at some point - if you’d appreciate that, let me know.
It makes me happy to share the magic of IFS with people. I do hope that you give the CLEAR check-in a try, and I would LOVE to hear about how you get on.
Go gently, always,
Satya <3
A very clear explanation. I thought for a moment we were going to imagine our inner kitten parts!
Somehow the kittens lighten the subject and bring more playful nature to this work. Well done 👏