How to Bring Calm to your System: CLEAR
A three minute check-in using Internal Family Systems
Would you like a three-minute tool to bring soothing, clarity and understanding to your jangled, overwhelmed or self-critical system? Read on & try the CLEAR protocol ⭐
(Why kittens? I used puppies as light relief in my Introduction to Internal Family Systems, and I didn’t want the kitties to feel left out…)
As a part of my course on self-compassion, I developed an acronym to help people use the magic of Internal Family Systems to check in with themselves and bring some calm to their systems.
I’ll describe it to you quickly first so you can get on and use it, and then I’ll take you through each step in more detail. Feel free to try it out as you’re reading, and do let me know how you get on - I’m always happy to answer questions and I’ve already developed the tool through lovely-reader feedback. If you like to listen rather than read, I also describe the process in this video.
A note of reassurance - if you’re unfamiliar with Internal Family Systems and the whole idea of different parts inside us seems a bit strange and complicated, you’re not alone. These concepts do take a bit of getting used to, and although some people get a sense of their own easily-distinguishable parts straight away, for others it’s all just a gloopy, mixed up soup inside to start with. Allow your sceptical parts to continue keeping an eye on things (we need them!) and stick with the first step of the process for a while. Becoming conscious of what is happening inside us always helps.
A note about safety - if at any point during this process you feel overwhelmed, blanked out, confused or anything that has an edge of discomfort or unsafeness, it may be a sign that your protective parts are wanting to keep you away from a vulnerable, emotional or hurt part of you. Just acknowledge the overwhelm and take a few steps back. If it feels appropriate you can then use the CLEAR protocol on the overwhelm but, if in doubt, just take a break. Gentleness and respect is key.
So, in brief, and only proceed if you feel willing at every stage:
Become Conscious of a part of you (or you can Clock It.) What is happening inside you? What are you feeling physically or emotionally? What are you saying to yourself?
Listen to this part of you. See what this part of you has to communicate to you. Hang out with it for a little while, and pay attention to it.
Engage with the part. If possible, sit down and have a conversation. How is it doing? What is it trying to do for you? What is it afraid might happen if it stopped doing what it’s doing? What might help it?
Appreciate the part. Before you finish, let this part of you know that you appreciate it. If that doesn’t feel possible, accept it or acknowledge it instead.
Release the part. Let it go back to doing its job, and get on with your day. Notice if there is any more relaxation or ease inside you.
Is it time for another kitten yet?
So - let’s go through these steps again with some added nuance.
⭐ Become Conscious of a part of you (or Clock It). This is a moment of noticing something that is happening inside you, and then tuning into it. As you become more experienced, you may be able to differentiate between different parts of you - e.g. there’s a voice telling you to eat chocolate, and another part telling you to ‘be healthy’. Take one of these at a time. You might want to start with the one who’s ‘shouting the loudest’ - the one who is most desperate for your attention.
⭐ Listen to this part of you. Before you start listening, check and see how you feel towards your target part. Do you feel kindly towards the part, or curious about them? If so, great - see what it has to say.
If you don’t feel kindly towards it, see what’s there instead. Do you feel resistance towards talking to the target part in the form of tiredness, spaced-out-ness or an uncomfortable feeling? Do you have a reaction to the target part like hate, fear, disgust etc.? If so, you have identified another part of you! Switch your attention to the resistant or reacting part, and start at the beginning of the CLEAR protocol with this new part. What concerns do they have about you paying attention to the original target part?
Keep repeating this process until you feel curiosity towards the original part. If you don’t get there, don’t worry - just hang out with becoming conscious and listening. That will still help to bring calm to your system.
⭐ Engage with the part. If you are willing, move from listening to having a conversation with the target part. How is it doing? What is it trying to do for you? What job does it have for you? What is it afraid will happen if it stopped doing that job? Is it tired? What relationship does it have with other parts of you? What might help it?
You can have this conversation internally, or you could write it out in your journal. This engagement may feel ‘verbal’ or it may take a different form - imagery, or physical sensations - just stay curious and see what emerges. Your parts have wisdom to impart!
Keep an eye out for other parts that don’t want you to continue the conversation for any reason - if that happens, see above and switch from the original part to them. See what worries they might have, and only continue with your original part if they can be reassured and if they give you permission. IFS is all about permission and building up trust between the different parts of us.
⭐ Appreciate the part. Before you finish, and if it feels possible, let this part of you know that you appreciate it. Say to it something like, ‘I see that you are trying to help me by judging me/criticising me/making me eat chocolate (etc.) and I am grateful you’re working so hard for me.’ If you don’t understand why the part thinks it is helping you, that’s okay, just trust that it has a reason that makes sense to it.
If you can’t manage an honest appreciation of it, that’s fine - just accept that it’s there doing what it feels it has to do. If you can’t accept it, just acknowledge that you’re not in that place yet and keep getting to know it another time.
I’ve never met a part of me or anyone else, no matter how much harm or chaos they cause, that I didn’t eventually come to appreciate. That doesn’t mean condoning their behaviour. The appreciation flows from understanding on a really deep level why it feels so necessary for that part to do what they’re doing, and seeing how hard they are working to try and keep your system steady.
⭐ Release the part back to doing its job. If appropriate, and if the target part wants it, let it know that you will give it more attention in the future (in your journal, in therapy, when talking to a friend etc.). Then release it from your conversation so it can continue doing what it does.
There may be parts of you that don’t want it to carry on doing what it’s doing! - totally understandable. This part will have good reasons for doing what it does, and so we never get rid of parts - we only slowly help them to ease up and maybe even choose something different (this is always up to them). This happens through listening to the parts and also through healing what needs healing - ideally with an IFS therapist, or by doing any of the other things you already do that help you to heal.
Notice if there is any more relaxation or ease inside you - even just a teensy bit. If there is, hurray!
If not, don’t fear - more CLEARing will move you in that direction. Trust the process, or trust that I trust the process. And if you have any questions, please do ask them here.
So there we are. The CLEAR check-in!
become conscious, listen, engage, appreciate, release
As you continue to practice getting to know your parts in this way, you will find that you gain more clarity about what’s happening inside you. You’ll begin to recognise parts of you as they turn up in different situations - oh, hello self-doubt again! You’ll understand a bit more about what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. As your parts feel listened to and understood, they’ll be able to relax their intensity a little bit and to do their job without causing so much chaos, harm or distress.
If you’d like to learn more about IFS I have a self-study month-long course which is available to paid subscribers - find it here. I may write a course about the CLEAR check-in at some point - if you’d appreciate that, let me know.
It makes me happy to share the magic of IFS with people. I do hope that you give the CLEAR check-in a try, and I would LOVE to hear about how you get on.
Go gently, always,
Satya <3
Going Gently is written by Satya Robyn. Her three ‘work hats’ are writer, IFS psychotherapist & Buddhist teacher, but work often smooshes into play and it can be hard to tell which is which (although temple accounts is definitely work). She lives happily in Malvern, the UK with her spouse Kaspa (they/them) and two little dogs.
Read more about Going Gently here. If you’d like future pieces to land in your inbox:
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You had me at kittens, Satya, but I subscribed for the way your words made me feel. ♥️ Thank you!
I am just getting to know and accept my parts ..I am convinced IFS is the part of healing that has been missing from therapeutic processes before...I have recently put pics representing myself at different stage of my life and it gives me a little more clarity about parts and their roles..following along ..parts and all!